I said to the gym instructor ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’
He said ‘How flexible are you?’ I said ‘I can’t make Tuesdays’
My buddy and I used to be Marijuana dealers and we always split our profits evenly between us.
Piglet, Tigger, and Eeyore have all split ways with Winnie the Pooh.
They just couldn't bear him anymore.
"I Have A Split Personality"
Where would you learn to make banana split?
How was Rome split in two?
I went to my local Gym to learn to do the splits...
Gym instructor said: 'How flexible are you?'
Me: 'I can't make Tuesdays'
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
I like the simplicity of split firewood.
How do you split the ocean in half?
How did the Roman Empire get split in two?
Batteries have split personalities
On the one side, they are positive, while on the other, they are negative
My friend to said to me "there's no situation where a contraction makes sense but its split from doesnt"
"The Epic Split" featuring Jean Claude Van Damme
Mom said split the chores, well. . .
What do you call it when people in Russia are split up?
An Amoeba predicted that it would successfully split itself in two.
It was a cell fulfilling prophecy
Who split the Red Sea using diffusion?
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
The first guy that figured out how to split an atom,
My wife and I have split up over my obsession with horoscopes..
In the end it Taurus apart.
Did you hear about the skyscraper that split in half?
The engineers say the contractors didn't build it to specifications. The contractors say the engineers didn't design it right.
All I know is that there are 2 sides to every story.
"Do you want to split an apple with me?"
I asked.
Fiancé answers, "Sure, do you want to eat it too?"
🤦♀️
What do you call it when a tornado splits into two?
At amusement parks, when the line splits, we never pick the right line.
Volemort splits his soul and puts part of it into a prostitute
Now he has a new whorecrux
Ending segregation was a split decision.
Split a steak with a friend the other night after having an argument.
He ended up still having a beef with me
It's grammatically incorrect to actually use a split infinitive
I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me how to do the splits. He said ‘how flexible are you?’
I said ‘I can’t make Tuesdays’
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
Where do you learn to make banana splits?
How was Rome split in two?
"I have a split personality disorder"
“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being Frank.
How do you split the ocean in half?
I have a split personality
How was Rome split in two?
My wife said that I act like a detective too much and that she wants to split up.
I told her good idea, we can cover more ground that way.
Where do you learn to make banana splits?
I asked my gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He said how flexible are you? I said I can’t do Fridays.
How was Rome split in two?
"I have a split personality"
Where do you learn to make banana splits?
Split a steak with a friend the other night after having an argument.
He ended up still having a beef with me.
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