My wife asked how I felt about split pea soup

I said I was a little divided on the subject

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OperatorMaA
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
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The sad story of split peas gocomics.com/theargylesweโ€ฆ
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hintsandallegations
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 12 2015
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A father, wanting to instil some manliness and maturity in his sons, brings them camping. The only food they get to eat is the food they get from the forest.

The dad splits up from the boys in the morning, leaving them the task of getting food for the day.

The boys chance upon a patch full of peas - they have enough for all three meals and to pelt each other with.

Reuniting at the end of the day, the dad asks how it went.

โ€œWe played with each otherโ€™s peas!โ€ The little one chimes in.

Just a little displeased, dad asks him sternly to clarify.

โ€œWe gathered peas, he meant.โ€ Added the middle boy.

โ€œOkay, and what did you have for breakfast?โ€

โ€œPea soup.โ€

โ€œLunch?โ€

โ€œPea soup.โ€

The boys started sniggering.

โ€œWhatโ€™s so funny? And what about dinner?โ€

โ€œNothing dad. We had pea soup too.โ€

โ€œWell, that doesnโ€™t seem like much. What did you do all evening?โ€

Bursting out laughing, they all said:

โ€œPee soup.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/neloc1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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This conversation between my (ex)gf.

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!

Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!

Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!

Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!

Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!

Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.

Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!

Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!

The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.

Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!

Are the spinach still operational?

Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.

Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...

Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!

Her: And the squashes and peas!

Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!

The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.

**Her:

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Zokoro
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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My favorite professor's favorite joke.

An older professor told me this one in class.

I was at a restaurant and I ordered a split pea soup for this diet I was on. The waiter was very rude, she took my order and came back with my soup. She threw the soup down and I noticed a rather large fly in my soup. I called her over and asked "Excuse me, what's this fly doing in my soup?" She responds, "it looks like the backstroke."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/guru_road
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 11 2014
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