How do you call an invention that spills vaseline everywhere 24/7 ?
What does a chemist say when he spills boiling gold all over himself?
If you have a dog eating spilled food off the floor while you cook...
Would you call that mise en paws?
Made breakfast for the family today and accidentally spilled maple syrup all over the eggs benedict...
I spilled spot remover on my dog…
Just spilled my Thai green curry all over my favourite jumper.
Guess I wear Thai-Dye clothes now
It's embarrassing to spill your drink onto a judge.
It can leave a stain on your honor.
g-spot vibrators spill out of semitruck
Someone spilled all their seasoning on me yesterday.
I'm still a little salty about that.
I didn’t realize I spilled dish soap on myself
My toddler spilled herbs all over the pantry and i had to vacuum it all up
My son spilled a bunch of game tiles into the skillet as I was cooking breakfast today…
We wound up with Scrabbled eggs.
I spilled coffee on myself
Damn, he spilled 'em all!
What did the dad say to his son when he spilled the milk?
I swear, every time I take the orange juice out I spill a little of it
I was making pancakes this morning and spilled the pancake mix all over my legs
My feet were alright but my shoes were battered.
After I spilled red sauce on my shirt, my son brought over a bottle of bleach and told me,
“Don’t worry. Everything is going to be all white.”
I just spilled my bottled water everywhere
I dropped a bucket of legumes earlier today.
A calm washed over me as there was peas on earth.
Me: "Waiter, my wife spilled the water. "
Waiter: "No problem...I'll get you another one. "
Me: "Make sure the next one likes sports."
My Vietnamese friend spilled his bowl of soup while I was taking pictures of my feet
They were not very nice pho-toes
Did you see the youngest kid from the show 'The Middle' riding the bicycle he got a great deal on after he spilled lemon juice on himself?
It was a good buy yellow Brick rode.
You can't spell gravity without gravy...
And you can't spill gravy without gravity!
"How come the cook spilled hot oil on himself? That makes no sense!"
Don't drink and drive
You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Why was the electric charge fired from the restaurant?
He did not know Watt was on order.
With the ice caps melting, Earth isn't able to hold any more water in her oceans, so it's spilling over to dry land..
Was walking along the street when some guy chucked a carton of milk at my head.
I thought to myself, "how dairy!"
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus spilled its load on the highway.
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, surprised, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, confounded, astonished, and numbed.
Why did the farmer have a hard time keep secrets?
Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the bean stalks.
Happy Equinox and good harvest everyone.
Had the best spur of the moment joke tonight.
Spilled red wine all over my side-couch table and the book I was reading.
My sister in law (over for the holidays) grabbed the book, (already soaked with Cabernet)
I told her “you can keep it, but it’s already half RED”
I was so proud of myself but got not a single chuckle.
I knew this was the place to report my major dad joke accomplishment.
Edit*
By the way, I work in hospice and the book was “
“Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande. It’s an amazing read for anyone facing end of life. If it is you, or someone you love. Not to abuse my post,but it’s a best read!
I am in no way associated or benefiting from any sales of this book.
Did you know if you work at Starbucks and spill coffee beans…
… it could be grounds for termination.
OMG, the commute home was awful last night! Ya see, a tractor trailer carry laundry detergent crashed and spilled detergent all over all four lanes...
Traffic was Tide up for hours.
why did Ghandi get a Nobel prize for spilling his dinner?
He achieved peas on earth
My little brother spilled jam on the kitchen floor and got in trouble for it
It was a sticky situation
I spilled spot remover on my dog
I accidentally spilled dish soap on myself
I didn’t even realized it until it dawned on me
I spilled spot remover on my dog.
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