Did you hear about the fashionable scientist who can design your baby to your specifications?

They are always bragging about their designer jeans

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/commrademcmasters
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
[HELP] Need help coming up with a certain good pun info in desc.

Hi all, sorry for the unorthodox post, but i really need help coming up with a specific pun. You see, this girl called eve challenged me to think of a non-obvious pun for her name that is still good and so far the best i can think of is something to do with an apple(like out of the bible) any chance you could help out a brother in need? Any input welcome.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...

Toot Suite

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xrayhearing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
An answer in a listening test was "specific background material" and a classmate asked if it was ok to just write "background material"

The teacher said it had to be specific

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Bor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Not specifically a joke but....

Today my wife was making oatmeal cookies, and was getting rolled oats out of the cupboard. I adamantly told her to STOP and she can't use them yet. Grabbing them, I proceeded to walk across the kitchen, and roll them across the floor. "There. NOW you have rolled oats," I say. Only to receive a facepalm and to be told to get out of the kitchen...

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/medaele
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
do you know why Obi-wan Kenobi is called general kenobi and not specific kenobi?

because the sith only deal in absolutes

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/McCarty_Bedell
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my son to go to the hardware store for 2 specific awls

"Go in there and get me 2 sorb awls"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAmongUs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
En garde!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahydron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL Older forms of English kept Latin’s gender-specific suffixes -tor and -trix; tor is for men and trix is for women. So a male pilot is an aviator, a female pilot is an aviatrix. A male fighter is a gladiator, a female fighter is a gladiatrix.

This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for both men and women, and trix are for kids.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neffability
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
She should’ve been more specific
πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_Young6138
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Grow your own
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I found a specific hobby of adding alliteration to German philosophers’ names

Glad I found my Nietzsche niche

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Plumsby
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just informed me that β€œterrible two” refers to a kids in a specific developmental stage

And all this time that’s how I always referred to my two kids at all times

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
This pun made me lose my mind
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My son is learning about proper nouns and he said that a proper noun is specific thing and a common noun isn't. He said an Ocean is a common noun and the Pacific is a proper noun.

I look him dead in the eye and say, "What a Pacific example you just gave"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessorOfLies
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I got so tired while climbing a tall mountain in Nepal.

I did not think I would Everest.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Santa say to Mrs Clause when he saw a thunderstorm?

β€œLooks like rain dear”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFitBit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
So apparently there's now a mutated virus specifically targeting people who have worthless, aggressive, mixed breed dogs.

The cur owner virus.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AarGee1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You need a specific kind of humor

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

She had no arms...

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Not Sally...

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bishan11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I have been diagnosed with a very specific type of Amnesia.

It causes me to deny the existence of certain 80's bands.

There is no Cure!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
We all know that Dracula is the #1 vampire and from Transylvania. But where is the #2 vampire from?

Pencil-vania.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dublers
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Very specific indeed...
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ici_cle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know back in midevil Russia they had a specific hole that they would throw their rulers in for being too facetious

It was called the tsar chasm

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TalontedJay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Ang meant to say specifically and was roasted in the family chat.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DurtyHooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
$52.95 is an oddly specific amount of money...

But $52.94 is an evenly specific amount of money

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThoseMovieGuys
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Mexican Coke is my favourite variety, especially because its from a specific area...

...guess that makes it a coke-lloquialism.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/symmetrygear
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A baby born now, in 2033, will be a...

Quaran-teen

Source: My local mechanic, bless his heart

http://imgur.com/gallery/XYWedTN

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LoneBullseye
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I chose this vet for my dog specifically because of the puns
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Osixotin1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My GPS is difficult to use whenever I try to look up specific coordinates.

It has a bad latitude.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did anyone wake up Green Day?

Hi, I was specifically requested on this day, October 1st, to wake up Green Day. Did anyone wake up Green Day?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Solace_sys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey dad. How big is the specific ocean?

I don't know son. Can you be more pacific?

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattTheGamer20
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2017
🚨︎ report
The nurse called me and said, β€œUnder β€˜medical history’, we were hoping for something specific to you...”

You wrote down β€œFleming discovered penicillin in 1928.”

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Meanwhile in the specific ocean
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/enonimosu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
The tour group visiting the capital of Italy did not have a specific agenda...

So the could roam Rome!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I wrote my strategy for dealing with a specific set of circumstances in a notebook, but my friend wrapped it in aluminium paper.

He foiled my plan.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an intelligence test that asks you questions specifically about Japanese poems?

A haiQ test

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
My aim is to maybe be more specific one of these days.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
If you're looking for a specific Red Herring, how do you know if you've got the right one?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smallnorth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I think I'm allergic to one specific type of nut

Cashew!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stubob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
It takes guts to be an organ donor
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HenriBoneu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
So I was talking to my friend yesterday about their recent accident

They told me that recently they had come into ownership of a small ball of string. At first, they thought nothing of it. One day, they walked into their house and the ball of string was on the table, when they had specifically left it in a closet. They put it away again, but the next day when they came home from work, the ball was on the table again. It kept happening, and eventually it became a sort of game for my friend. They'd leave it somewhere they thought it could never come back from, and return to find it on their table.

Then it began to appear in other places.

It appeared in the middle of a company meeting. One moment, the table was empty, the next, it had a ball of string in the middle. While driving, they spotted it in the back of their car. They saw it inside of a vending machine. But at the end of every day it would return to their table.

Eventually, my friend decided enough was enough. They took the string, and threw it off a bridge into a river. As they were driving home, a car swerved and hit them, wrecking both cars. My friend staggered to check on the other driver, and all he found was a small pile of soggy string on the seat.

After that, he never saw the string again.

So after he told me this tale, I turned to him, and said, "Wow... that was quite a yarn."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justcaleb2001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.