Toot Suite
Today my wife was making oatmeal cookies, and was getting rolled oats out of the cupboard. I adamantly told her to STOP and she can't use them yet. Grabbing them, I proceeded to walk across the kitchen, and roll them across the floor. "There. NOW you have rolled oats," I say. Only to receive a facepalm and to be told to get out of the kitchen...
The cur owner virus.
A haiQ test
It's the bees' knees.
They're all right now.
Me: I don't like high risk pools...unless there are at least two life guards on duty.
(The look of disgust is something I'll cherish forever)
It's called the He-Brew.
Hi all, sorry for the unorthodox post, but i really need help coming up with a specific pun. You see, this girl called eve challenged me to think of a non-obvious pun for her name that is still good and so far the best i can think of is something to do with an apple(like out of the bible) any chance you could help out a brother in need? Any input welcome.
They are always bragging about their designer jeans
The teacher said it had to be specific
because the sith only deal in absolutes
"Go in there and get me 2 sorb awls"
This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for both men and women, and trix are for kids.
I did not think I would Everest.
Glad I found my Nietzsche niche
And all this time that’s how I always referred to my two kids at all times
“Looks like rain dear”
I look him dead in the eye and say, "What a Pacific example you just gave"
Pencil-vania.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms...
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Not Sally...
It causes me to deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no Cure!
It was called the tsar chasm
But $52.94 is an evenly specific amount of money
...guess that makes it a coke-lloquialism.
Hi, I was specifically requested on this day, October 1st, to wake up Green Day. Did anyone wake up Green Day?
Quaran-teen
Source: My local mechanic, bless his heart
http://imgur.com/gallery/XYWedTN
It has a bad latitude.
Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
“Yes of course” replied Trevor
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't know son. Can you be more pacific?
You wrote down “Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928.”
So the could roam Rome!
He foiled my plan.
They told me that recently they had come into ownership of a small ball of string. At first, they thought nothing of it. One day, they walked into their house and the ball of string was on the table, when they had specifically left it in a closet. They put it away again, but the next day when they came home from work, the ball was on the table again. It kept happening, and eventually it became a sort of game for my friend. They'd leave it somewhere they thought it could never come back from, and return to find it on their table.
Then it began to appear in other places.
It appeared in the middle of a company meeting. One moment, the table was empty, the next, it had a ball of string in the middle. While driving, they spotted it in the back of their car. They saw it inside of a vending machine. But at the end of every day it would return to their table.
Eventually, my friend decided enough was enough. They took the string, and threw it off a bridge into a river. As they were driving home, a car swerved and hit them, wrecking both cars. My friend staggered to check on the other driver, and all he found was a small pile of soggy string on the seat.
After that, he never saw the string again.
So after he told me this tale, I turned to him, and said, "Wow... that was quite a yarn."
The teacher told us specifically to keep a log in our notebook!
Hi Everyone!
So I have a request for you all. Some friends and I are starting a new Pathfinder Campaign. Specifically, Hell's Rebels. I noticed one point mentioned that mint is now outruled, as one of the more 'insane' laws being put into place. Naturally, I have designed my character entirely around that.
Thus, the Chef Pana Kouta is born. I hope to 'pepper' some puns throughout the campaign, and would love to have some help from you all!
To summarise Hell's Rebels: A city of freedom is put under martial law, and the party will become leaders of a rebellion to stop the tyranny as the new leader begins issuing more and more insane laws.
