I have a girl I want to woo and take her to prom but I need some good material that is funny and gets to the point, I know this isn’t a joke but i really wanna take her to prom
She replied “the ball is round daddy” (with a straight face) So I tell her “no, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!”
She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says “I’M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!” Then throws it right back at me.
Proud dad moment.
He said he didn’t want to miss any calls.
My son was playing with a fly. It’s wings were messed up so it couldn’t fly away. He was holding it and said, “Daddy, this fly’s wings are broke.” I said, “then it’s not a fly, it’s a walk.”
I got utter silence from the people around me, though my daughter giggled a little.
She kept running away from the ball.
The Holy Roman Umpire!
Why did the softball player get a music deal? -Her first single was a hit!
... maybe it flew away.
Because they use underhanded tactics.
Me: I dunno. How heavy is she? Son: In a car dad
This happened only moments ago. You can't just softball 'em in like that, son.
My daughter had to wire an essay about her hobby, which is softball. Her opener:
Pitcher this, you’re standing on a mound.
I was overwhelmed, and more proud than ever. She threw in some other puns too, it was an excellent essay, she’s giving me a run for my money, I batter watch out.
Edit: thank you u/PsychicGnome for the reminder that my kids are better parents than I am
Dad: baseball or softball?
Real life encounter with my dad. The legends are true. Dad jokes prevail.
He asked a lot of softball questions.
I was watching my friend's softball game last night, sitting with his wife as their two twin 4-ish-year-old daughters ran around. One of them was intent on finding the crickets that were chirping all night. Finally she runs up to us and says "I hear the crickets over there. I'm going to go look for them!"
As she runs off I say "Watch, all she'll find over there is a bad comedian."
Forgive me, it's a problem.
We are driving home from softball practice i was telling her about christian betancourt, the padres catcher who is going to be used as a pitcher. He will be the first guy in many many years to pitch and catch on the same team.
She looks at me straight faced and asks.....wait so you're saying hes going to pitch and catch at the same time?
Out with some friends, when one says "I just read that a couple of teenagers killed a cow with softballs" the others that were with us agreed with the girl who said how horrible it was. Then I said, with a smirk "I guess you could say that was a mooorder" Everyone facepalmed at once, as the girl said "oh goodness gracious".
'Interactive lecture' in a Systems Engineering class (not that that's relevant) when the Assistant Professor starts directing questions to the students to move forward in the lecture material.
Settles on me and asks me a pretty straightforward question that I started overthinking and got all deer-in-the-headlight-y.
Fancies himself some sort of comedian so he quips "C'mon, I'm throwing you a softball (question)."
To this I come up with an immediate response: "I don't play softball."
The girl plays softball and had recently jad a game so he was talking to her about it:
Teacher: So what position do you play?
Student: I play first and second base and right field.
Teacher: Wow you must be really fast to play all of those positions in a game
Confusion and groans ring out among the students surrounding her and they proceed to stare at me as I chuckle in my seat.