Cute Softball Puns

In the dream a girl I know irl was accepted into a softball team. She was so proud showing off her uniform to us.

She looked adorable and had her best smile and now every time I see her (we work together) and she smiles I just see her in that softball outfit. I want to tell her, but that'd be really weird. She's such a cutie.

I drew the scene. I didn't copy her likeness at all.

I don't usually anylise dreams, but I think this was just a positive association to me admiring her confidence.

Here is a summary/highlight reel of Lala’s book that absolutely no one asked for. I have tried my hardest to remain unbiased and mostly use direct quotes from the book. The first half of the book randomly jumped between various times in her life, so that is why the summary is not in sequential order. Side note, please support your local public library. Without further ado.

At 23, Lala moved to LA (for the second time) with one suitcase and $2,000 in her bank account. She got a job as a fit model for $40 an hour. Her portion of the rent was $900, which she had no problem affording because she was a big-time saver. She had shoved all her money away in a savings account since she began working at 12.

This was also the start of her ho phase, which was triggered by the breakup with her on-again, off-again relationship with a snack-and-a-half linebacker named Carter Hoffman. He played college football in LA, and was on his way to entering the 2015 NFL draft.

Her bedroom had a ho door which greatly helped during her ho phase. The ho door opened directly into her bedroom from the outside. This came in handy when she’d bag one dude, then have him make a quick exit so the newer, hotter dude could come through.

During this time period she also worked 3 shifts at SUR before making a group of somebodies wait for a table, and quitting after the Bulgarian manager, Diana, yelled at her. (Fun fact—she was present when Jax and Stassi met for the first time, in Las Vegas, two years before the show was even picked up by Bravo.)

At 25, modeling jobs started requesting Instagram and twitter following counts during bookings. Lala only had 300 Instagram followers, and she did not have a twitter account. Worried that no one would book her she went to SUR for drinks. Lisa Vanderpump approached her and stated that they were looking for a hostess with the possibility of appearing on Vanderpump Rules. After being in LA for nearly two years, all she’d booked was a Buick commercial and a handful of indie films, so she decided that maybe a season of reality TV would boost her profile.

She mentions how most of the female cast members were mean to her from the start. She stated that Tom Sandoval taught her that the ultimate way to exfoliate your face is to shave it. She now shaves her face weekly.

She makes a statement about Brittany: sweet little Kentucky muffin, America’s sweetheart—Brittany never wanted to be famous. She would have been perfectly content living in Kentucky, getti

Phil

Me: Hi pregnant, I'm Dad!

Wife: No you're not.

Sudden Lee

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

So far nobody has given me a straight answer

..... Will get a reward.

Because they work on many levels

Well, toucan play at that game.

Argon does not react.

Windows

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

She said apple-lutely

I am currently in the hospital. I had a back operation yesterday. The surgical nurse came in my room and started asking questions about my back. She asked me if I had any falls during the last year. I responded just one. It was after summer.

She laughed and said in 20 years of doing this she never was told that joke.

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

You are Kel from the video game Omori. You are a young, athletic , kind of air-headed, kind and caring teen who's always there for his friends and will try his hardest to stay optimistic during hard times. You love basketball, it's practically a sport that's made for you. You also love the soft drink soda "Orange Joe" to the point where you would put your hand inside of a vending machine and pull and drink an expired can of it. You have an equally kind, confident, cautious, and well-kept older brother who's name is Hero who's tries his harder to look out for you and your friends. Hero doesn't curse. You're not fond of cursing, either. In fact, none of friends really use curse words except for Aubrey on some occasions.

> You drink so much Orange Joe that you turn into a basketball that's filled with the soda. You take a deep breath and hold it as long as possible before gulping down the entire can of orange juice. The next thing you know, you've turned into a basketball that's filled with orange juice. You fall back on the ground and begin to laugh hysterically.

Your silent, mute friend Sunny shows up, it seems like he's come to visit you. Sunny doesn't talk much (in fact, he doesn't really talk at all), but you, your friends, and your family still understand what he has to say, anyway. Sunny has a crush on your other friend Aubrey, but she doesn't know it due to him being silent and all. Anyway, he walks into your room. He's wondering where you are.

You can't really see him, but you can definitely hear what he's doing. He picks up a picture of you and your brother, a statue of pac-man, your scale model city...

> You say "Over here, bud! " As soon as he turns his head where you're sitting, he sees you. He freezes in fear and slowly walks over to you.

"Hi," you say.

> You say "I've turned myself into a basketball from drinking too much Orange Joe and have literally no idea how to turn back 😊!" "A ball...full of orange juice...?" he says, trailing off, and staring at the basketball in your hands, in wonder. "Yeah," you nod, "It's literally just that." "I- I can't imagine my life without any Orange Joes," he says, somewhat resentfully. Yeah, and I can't imagine Sunny speaking words. Seriously though, Sunny is supposed to be silent, he's purposely mute! He doesn't speak any words, but yet everyone understands him anyway! That's what he's supposed to be like, that's his thing! He wouldn't be as relatable or endearing if he were different. "

Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.

I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.

When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."

From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"

Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.

Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

To get to the... Bottom...

(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)

Japan.

"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.

second hand stores!

it's Hans free now..