Snip snip
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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Snip Snap!
πŸ‘︎ 431
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stha118
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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What's the definition of a sex change?

Snip snip and Bob's your auntie.

An actual joke my dad told me.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwinTowers05
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Her: You got a vasectomy without talking to me? Are you serious?

Him: Yes, I’m not kidding you.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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My wife and I didn't want to have kids, so I had a vasectomy

But when we got home they were still there

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dohimer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
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My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside her…

I said, β€œNah, it’s probably womb temperature.”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2017
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Was drinking a milkshake...

Having lunch and milkshakes with the family

Me: Dammit, I think there's a hole in the side of my straw.

Dad: You think that's bad?! Mine's got one at the top and one at the bottom

Groans all round

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmycoola
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2014
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How much did you pay for your son's circumcision?

Not much, we just left a tip.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piedssurmars
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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A little trouble

So this happened this morning:

Wife: if it doesn't come next week your in big trouble

Son: dad are you in big trouble?

Me: only a little trouble son, but it might grow into a big one.

Backstory: I was snipped last year after my daughter was born and the wife is getting nervous as I never did a follow up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arch33
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
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weed whacking neighbour

My Dad told me his neighbor was weed whacking and ended up snipping off a quarter of his cats tail by mistake. He ended up bringing the cat to Walmart because they are the worlds biggest retailer.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDIPrime
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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Wife: You got a vasectomy without telling me. Are you serious??

Me: Yes, I’m not kidding you.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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