After all, there isn’t a vas deferens between the two ovum
When I got home, they were still there.
Par-snip
Snip snip and Bob's your auntie.
An actual joke my dad told me.
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
Him: Yes, I’m not kidding you.
I said, “Nah, it’s probably womb temperature.”
Having lunch and milkshakes with the family
Me: Dammit, I think there's a hole in the side of my straw.
Dad: You think that's bad?! Mine's got one at the top and one at the bottom
Groans all round
Not much, we just left a tip.
So this happened this morning:
Wife: if it doesn't come next week your in big trouble
Son: dad are you in big trouble?
Me: only a little trouble son, but it might grow into a big one.
Backstory: I was snipped last year after my daughter was born and the wife is getting nervous as I never did a follow up.
Edit format
My Dad told me his neighbor was weed whacking and ended up snipping off a quarter of his cats tail by mistake. He ended up bringing the cat to Walmart because they are the worlds biggest retailer.
Me: Yes, I’m not kidding you.
