What brand of chips is slower than Internet Explorer?

DeLayโ€™s

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TiesG92
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Slower than slow
๐Ÿ‘︎ 72
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Turtlecom23
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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Why did mustard start walking slower?

Because his friend couldn't ketch up

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PCreeper394
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 08 2016
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The Letdown

A high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because theyโ€™ve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his โ€œpromposalโ€ special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!

Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that sheโ€™s always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.

The night of the prom, heโ€™s extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesnโ€™t return his feelings? What if she thinks heโ€™s a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.

They get to the prom and heโ€™s even more anxious. Itโ€™s dark, itโ€™s loud, itโ€™s crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks itโ€™s finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying sheโ€™s always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if sheโ€™d like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?

He feels like heโ€™s walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesnโ€™t have to wait too long at the refreshments table.

He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?

There was no punch line.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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A friend of mine tries to impress girls by drawing realistic paintings of the Ford F-150.

Heโ€™s a pickup artist.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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My son is driving my wife and I crazy.

My boy, Arthur, is slow. He is the slowest child Iโ€™ve ever met. And I donโ€™t mean mentally, he just doesnโ€™t move quickly at all no matter what the urgency.

He takes an hour to get out of bed and stand up in the morning. He takes an hour to eat. When we go anywhere we have to tell him 20 minutes in advance because he takes that long to get his shoes on. His showersโ€ฆwe had to install an industrial sized water heater and hook it up to his shower exclusively because he would drain the tank and shower in ice cold water and started getting sick from it.

The worst part is that even if you help him out he doesnโ€™t go faster. We can feed him and heโ€™ll just swallow slower. We can wash him and heโ€™ll just sit there for longer.

Iโ€™ve learned to live with it and be content because I know he wonโ€™t change. But my wife canโ€™t take it. Just the other day she told me she was going to punish him to make him go quicker:

โ€œIโ€™ve had it with him! Iโ€™m going to start giving him timeouts and taking away toys for going so slow!โ€

โ€œHoney,โ€ I said, โ€œitโ€™ll never work.โ€

โ€œWhy not?!โ€

โ€œBecause you canโ€™t rush Art.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bunselpower
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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My son unintentionally dad joked my dad

So my dad (known as gramps) has taken my kids for a week for a fun summer vacation. While they were all eating at a restaurant, he texted me a conversation that took place:

Kid: "How do I know when my chocolate milk has expired?"

Gramps: "Look at the cap."

Kid: "Wow, they got this at best by!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vetokend
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 06 2017
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My wife told me to take a quick bath before leaving

I said, "But the slower ones are easier to catch."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Iamgurt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
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My dad likes to help cut up all of our cardboard boxes in the garage, and compactly pack them for recycling...

I joked with him about how the boxes are piling up and I need him to cut them up. He lives overseas so he said that if I buy his plane ticket, he'll come and do the work. I told him that my gardener Ebodio will cut the boxes if I ask him to, and much less money. To make my dad feel better, I (half-jokingly) say that Ebodio's technique is not as good and he will be slower, but he'll be a whole lot cheaper.

My dad's response: "I feel like I am being undercut"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ziggyfro
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 08 2017
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My professor told us she speaks Russian

She should probably speak slower

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/idontfrikkincare
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 17 2015
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Dadjoked while watching The Lion King

While watching The Lion King, Mufasa appears at the beginning scene, and my friend goes Him:"Mufasa" GF: "Why not move slower?"

Groans and eye rolling all around

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ALPHAASFUUUCK
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2014
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Obvious father at work today.

standing next to a computer ready to clock out

Man 1: does the computer's time clock still say it's a minute slower?

Man 2: it doesn't say anything, you need to read it

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jbone17
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
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Needles to say nobody but him laughed

So my mom just told my dad easy on the wine.

His response was puring wine into the glass slower. Classic dad.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VIERMEX
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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