One sloth turned and said to the other, "I used to dislike moss...

...but now I think it's growing on me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jedd-the-Jedi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Sloths are the most social animals.

They always want to hang out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotter66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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What a Sloth!
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kamekaze59
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.

He was always going on about those damn tree-huggers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have ........ a soda water.

The bartender replies β€œwhy the long paws?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/varun_chakilam
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?

Slothy seconds

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heyitsryan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?

Fritos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bitpix3l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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Dad joked. Sloth bears.

I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."

Hubby became a father a year and a half ago but that made him a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arguinglulu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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This whole subreddit is a pun.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eulengi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?

Au!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterbill
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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The best name...

The Denver Zoo just announced one of the sloths would be having a baby soon... I told my kids that there is only one best name for a sloth... Cole....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Visionbuilder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
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A short exchange at the liquor store

So, I'm at the counter in a liquor store, where I see that the cashier is wearing a mock Sons of Anarchy shirt that says, "Sloths of Anarchy" and has a sloth as the logo. As he's ringing me up, I'm trying to think of the perfect way to compliment his shirt. AHA! THIS WILL BE PERFECT

He hands me my receipt and I say, "Hey man, I like the shirt" falling for my trap he replies, "Oh thanks dude, do you watch the show?" My genius reply:

"Yeah I did, but it was kinda slow"

He doesn't even notice and continues to ask if I watched the whole thing. Maybe the world isn't ready for my dad jokes.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
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Great dad joke while reading Jurassic Park

"Hey," she said, more brightly. "According to this book, 'the beaches of Cabo Blanco are frequented by a variety of wildlife, including howler and white-faced monkeys, three-toed sloths, and coatimundis.' You think we'll see a three-ted sloth, Dad?"

 "I bet we do."

"Really?"

 "Just look in the mirror."

"Very funny, Dad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gpgpg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2015
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My sister got dadjoked while watching a movie

My sister is a giant fan of sloths, and my dad laid this on her when they were watching a movie.

Dad: Have you seen the movie, March of the Sloths?

Sis: No.

Dad: They go 2 miles, and it's 12 hours long.

Sis: -__________-

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boateye99
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2014
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