It's a minute tour.
Finally, they’re gonna keep it short.
He was part of the counter culture.
I know it's hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.
Yesterday was my dad's birthday, and he turned 52. I called him to wish him a happy birthday, find out what he wanted to do for dinner, etc, all the stuff you do on someone's birthday.
Then I said, "You're only ten years away from your one-minute birthday!"
He seemed confused so I had to clarify... "You know, your... Sixty-Second birthday!"
I could hear the cringe through the phone, and I heard my fiancée groan from downstairs.
Now I just have to hope he forgets over the next ten years so I can make this joke again.
Her: looks at me, perplexed Me: They just said it’s the sixty second Grammy awards... Her: Get out
Sixty-Nyaaaaan
He tells his friend, I've gone sixty-seven years without glasses. Now they tell me I'll need them every day. His friend replies I've gone eighty-two years, and not needed glasses a day in my life. Oh yeah? Says the first old-timer. How's that? Because, says the second, I take my liqour from a bottle.
Homeless regular at Denny's sits down next to me at the counter.
He says, "Hey, Judy, I'll have a streak and eggs."
Judy, a waitress of sixty-some years inquires, "Do you have enough money for it?"
The man says, "I'd stake my life on it."
Judy gets annoyed and demands to see it, to which the man responds, pulling out a ten dollar bill, "Un-eggs-pected, I know."
She said, "No tip again, huh?"
He shoots back, "C'mon! Meat me in the middle here!"
Picture this.
A fancy Christmas dinner party at his new wife's opulent, sandstone estate house. Plates are being cleared from the lengthy, mahogony table that seats the fourteen well-to-do guests, the main course having just finished. All have feasted gloriously on our Christmas fare.
My Dad, playing the good host, picks up two bottles of wine, one white and one red, and proceeds to do a round of the table, chatting amiably with everyone as he circles. Those whose glasses are less than 90% full, he proceeds to top-up. I am sitting in the very centre of the long table, seated directly opposite a very well off lady in her early sixties, by the name of Margaret. My dad, having just topped off my glass, is now standing directly behind me.
This older woman, full of grace and charm, looks to my Dad and says, "Thank you so much for this glorious meal, John. It's been simply divine."
My Dad, "Not at all, Margaret, not at all. Could I charge your glass?"
Margaret, "Oh, no no, thank you. I've got the bottle in front of me!"
My Dad, quick of wit, and with a sneaky - yet charming - grin on his face, responds, "Ah, well, better that than a frontal lobotomy!"
I've never been more proud of him.
Just saw this on facebook...
A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a ‘funeral director.’ After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a funeral director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse carriers. With a smile on her face she explained, ‘I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.’
While watching The Voice we wondered who first performed the song "Tide is High." I googled it and informed the family it was a Jamaican band in the sixties called The Paragons.
My dad says, "what's that? Two gons?"
At a friend of mine's wedding reception, we were all dancing to "Sexy and I know it" by LMFAO. The groom's dad comes out and dances in the middle and before leaving the middle of the dance floor yells: "I'm sixty and I know it!"
Got my wife in Church today. I asked her what the hymn number was, and she said, "360". I fully rotated the hymnal, and said, "I couldn't find it". She whispered louder, "THREE SIXTY". In mid second rotation she called me an asshole! In church! Tsk, tsk.
A minute passes?
