Anytime someone says something unbelievable somebody will say "what?!" and then I'll repeat what was just said, but louder.
Example:
Dad: We were walking and a bottle flew right by our heads.
Sister: What?!
Me: A BOTTLE FLEW RIGHT BY THEIR HEADS!
My sister sends out a group text asking if she should bring peas or broccoli to our thanksgiving dinner.
My family responds 5 votes for peas 0 votes for broccoli.
I respond "If you want broccoli speak up now or forever hold your peas!"
Sister (about bites she found on my niece in our family group text chat): it's fleas, I just found one biting her. I'm effing ticked!
Father: no, you're flea'd, not ticked, duh.
My parents are heading up to NY on vacation together. We have a group text that has my parents, my wife and I, my brother and his fiancee, and my sister. All day, half the family has been traveling for either work of vacation, so there have been a lot of texts about when people have boarded their flights or landed at their layovers of destinations. After 2 hours without any texts, here are the latest two texts we all got:
Mom: We got to NY!
Dad: Glad to hear it!
(remember, they're traveling together. Oy)
Talking about it via a group text:
Mom: "Save the Baby! Save the Cat! Lock yourself in the bathroom!"
Sister: "What about the dog??"
Me: "I locked her in the batroom. I mean bathroom."
All: groans
I walk into a Longhorn Steakhouse with my dad and we see four nuns sitting at a table making their order... My dad looks at me and says: "I guess they couldn't resist the flesh".
Another time: It was Easter weekend and we're at the airport to pick up my sister. Waiting at arrivals is a group of three nuns... My dad says: "Who are they here to pick up? Pontius Pilot?"
I was driving my younger sister to one of her youth group meetings earlier today and I talked about how I had first seen a funeral procession that morning on the day to school. I started asking several rhetorical questions such as:
-
"Where was the casket? I didn't see one carried by any of the vehicles."
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"What cemetery are they going to?"
But now here comes the gold...
"It was a long procession...I'm sure (s)he was loved." Turns toward her "Do you know what the stages of grief are? It's weird how we say the human experience is unique for everyone, but almost everyone mourns in the same way. Do you know what happens after the mourning?"
I sat there in awe after having quivered before the dad-joke incarnate in front of me when I hear in response:
"Why of course, the afternoon silly!"
Edit: I accidentally a format
