...but it was no big deal.
Whoa is me
Others might call it reWARDing.
I know. I’m sorry.
I'm a big deal around here.
Now that I listen to full albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"
The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."
The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"
The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"
My friend asked what was wrong. I said "I just can't deal, man"
It shuffles.
(a true dad joke, from my 9-year old)
I’m the new CIEIO
Because they are stuck on "shuffle mode".
Whenever the Alice in Chains song King of the Kats comes on I tell my son that I'm the king of the cats. It drives him crazy. He's made it his personal mission to tell me I'm not the king of the cats and preempts me with a "Dad, you're not the king of the cats!" Whenever it comes on. This has been going on a couple of months.
Fast forward to present day. We're driving and the infamous song gets shuffled on.
He says, "You're not the king of the cats."
I reply, "Then why does every cat we meet call me your majesty?"
He drops this gem, "They don't say that, and if they did, they'd say your meowjesty."
I couldn't be more proud.
Our professor told us he had a lame excuse
I was looking at the taxidermy wild animals and was standing in front of the case with a baby ocelot. A family with two young kids were also standing behind me and I hear the husband say,
"Ocelot? More like Oce-little!"
I found this absolutely hilarious, but his wife just rolls her eyes and shuffles the kids to the next exhibit.
My cousin just started his job at a dealership. I met him at the bar afterwork. Him and a couple of his friends were playing rummy when I arrived. It soon became his turn to shuffle and deal. After he dealt out the hands, he showed me his cards since I wasn't playing.
Cousin: "I dealt out a terrible hand."
Me: "That you did. Good thing you don't work at a dealership."
My boss was shuffling through files and paperwork with a look of remorse. "I never get to see my kids," he uttered with a sigh. "because I don't have any."
