When I was shadowing for my new school with my parents, we eventually walked into the math room, and saw a dry-erase board.

My dad couldn't resist the urge, and so, he shouted out:

"That's remarkable!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarvelGeek5321
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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Heard this gem while shadowing a doctor today

Doctor: "How are you feeling today?"

Patient: "With my fingers."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WPSRazorbacks
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2013
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What is the best character in Raid Shadow Legends?

The home button.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Forzamon42069
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:Β  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.Β Β  Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!Β  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.Β Β  However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.Β Β Β  The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!Β Β  My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.Β Β  I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.Β  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.Β Β  At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.Β Β Β  He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,Β  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.Β Β Β  I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.Β Β Β  Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!Β Β  Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!Β Β  At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.Β  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"Β  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terjulmar
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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Did you see Thor put some subtle rouge on his brother’s cheeks with just a hint of eye shadow?

It was pretty Loki

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatinumCalf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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The business man opened a shadow puppet theater that should make a fortune!

But that’s just projected figures.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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I was so angry, I was shouting at my own shadow.

In a way, I was beside myself.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.

A Christmas stalking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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The shadow Bachs
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shlupieus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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I don't trust shadows

They act pretty shady

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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Because there's no nightlife on Mars.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/recoro06
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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Why am I scared of shadows?

They seem kinda shady.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/epic420698
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Ha ha
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mask3dman805
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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What is as big as a hippopotamus but weighs nothing at all?

A hippopotamus's shadow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Why is Dwayne Johnson's shadow not aware of recent news?

Its been living under a rock

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aitchnyu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

...I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?

Because she had a make-up exam!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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What is very big but doesn't weigh anything?

The shadow of an elephant

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Who wants to see a performance by shadow puppets?

Let's have a show of hands!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_snipeypants
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
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Spring is just around the corner
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ordinarybloke1963
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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Just wanted to remind everyone of all the hard work the significant others of superheroes do. They deal with so much, have to be in their shadow, yet still stand by them...

They really are fucking heroes

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uingsz
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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I always warn my kids to never trust their shadows...

They're always acting shady.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/This_Was_America
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!

Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"

"Yes you are"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sint__Maarten
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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What do you call a Shia LeBeouf impersonator with a 5 o’clock shadow?

Shia LeScruff

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jhams3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Still in the shadow of the master dad.

My parents are in town for a visit. Keep in mind that I have a 3 year old, so the dad jokes have doubled around here lately.

We go eat and I'm sharing a big burger with my wife. It has a fried egg on it, which I don't like, so I gave her the half with the yolk in it. She bit into it and the yolk broke and dribbled all over her hand. Before I could say anything, my dad mumbles, "Looks like the yolk's on you".

I said, " NOOOOOOOOO you beat me to it!" as my wife and my mom rolled their eyes and groaned. I'm pretty good at the dad jokes, but my dad has the grandfather buff or something.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtaxNOOOOOO
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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When the leaves are falling, the setting sun casts shadows across the hills, and a warm breeze blows, ain't that just...

...awetumn?

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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My wife told me to flip off the thermostat before we left the house. I don’t think she appreciated how I followed her instructions.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squachee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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When I was given the shadow-boxing trophy..

...I beat the air.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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Why did Darth Vader's car only drive in the shadows?

Because it was powered by the dark side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breedweezy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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What do you call someone with no body and no nose?

nobody knows!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bathroomword
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Shadow Fall, Titanfall, TowerFall...

...Now if only the prices would fall

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2014
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Why can't you lift up a shadow?

They're not light enough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magrias
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2015
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What does a cow make when the sun comes up?

A shadow.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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Man, this solar eclipse is hurting my ego..

It just feels like I'm living in the moon's shadow.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BabyYodaIsBest
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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How did the psychic golfer predict every shot?

Fore shadowing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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(My 2nd grade student told me this joke.) What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

It’s shadow

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/funnychicka
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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I'm amazed Reddit

There are now over a million subs for this silly, corny, beautiful feed of dad jokes.

Link to PROOF: http://imgur.com/ksprvA1

A million subs is a big number.

If we put a million subs end to end, we'd be able to reach a very small part of the way around the Earth... Double that if they were foot long subs, and we'd make it all the way around and more if they were the kind of subs that go under water.

That's why I'm amazed.

Well done everyone on being amazing dads with amazing dad jokes. No matter what kind of dad you are - inside or outside expected dad norms - keep the world laughing and shaking their head.

(I'll keep this stickied for a short period of communal celebration and then go back to the shadows as normal. Keep doing you, dads.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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I got a new shading pencil that can tell the future

it's for shadowing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xosellc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
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Hey Dad, what time is it?

Well, judging by the position of the sun and the angle of the shadows, I'd say it's....daytime.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Veggiematic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2017
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The Legend of Zorro and the Bacon Tree

So this is a bit long, sorry about that.

Zorro and his best bud the Lone Ranger were riding through the desert one day, I forget where they were heading to or where they had come from, but we can safely assume shenanigans of some kind were the driving force.

They have been travelling for most of the day and are starting to get tired. There has been a discussion about making camp for the night, but as things are they have agreed to continue riding for a while longer, till the sun starts to set. Away and off to the west the Lone Ranger spies a plant that seems to have large pink flowers that hang in strips with white stripes running the length of them.

"Zorro, what's that over there?" he asks.

Zorro turns in his saddle and raises his hand to shield his eyes from the sun. "Ah, it looks like a bacon tree, quite common in these parts. Let's ride on, there is a good place an hour from now to set up camp."

The two friends ride on and as the sun is beginning to descend the have stopped and are making camp. As Zorro begins to make a fire he says to the Lone Ranger, "You know, I quite fancy some pork. You ride back to that bacon tree and get some for supper, and I'll finish setting up camp here."

"No problem Zorro, I won't be long" replies the Ranger, jumping back into the saddle and returning the way they came.

Time passes, and the sun begins to get low in the sky. 'Odd', thinks Zorro 'he should be back by now.' Another hour passes and the shadows are growing longer. 'I might have to go investigate, it's not like him to take his time.' More time passes, and, just as Zorro has decided that he must go search for his friend in the dwindling light, he hears the sound of Silver's hooves. Looking into the gathering gloom he sees his friend riding towards him. As the Lone Ranger nears Zorro can see the Lone Ranger is injured, there are cuts and bruises and he has an arrow through his hat.

"What on earth happened, Lone Ranger? Did you make it to the Bacon tree?"

The Lone Ranger dismounts and sighs heavily.

"That weren't no Bacon tree, Zorro. That was an Hambush."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you see Thor put some subtle rouge on his brother’s cheeks with just a hint of eye shadow?

It was pretty Loki.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatinumCalf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report

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