he replied "Drop what you're doing and call me"
Woman: how old do you think I am? Man: for your skin; 25, for your face; 20, for your body; 18 Woman: wow, you are good wi... Man: give me a sec I’m counting
Airplanes.
There's a lot to unpack there.
[removed]
He had secs a peel.
I build slow
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!
But their fawn do
I know it's been done before, and many a dad before me and many a dad after me will get to experience this, but in these dark times this was a ray of light that pierced me right to the core with joy.
I came home, and my bright and bubbly ballerina 6 year old runs up and says can I have a hug!?
She asks very tentatively because she knows I have been out all day and the routine is for me to grab a shower (COVID) before I let them get all over me.
So I say, not yet I'm dirty.
She says awww... then she turns to walk away, but then spins back around and looks at me dead in the eye and says:
Hi! um...
wait a sec,
um, I know um,
um, wait.... dir...
[Face beams the biggest smile of accomplishment]
Hi Dirty! I'm [daughter]!
I know we have those proud moments when they turn, but man her delivery, the awkwardness, and the sheer pride she beamed out when she realized she just pulled the reverse dad joke on me...
It's not the getting reverse dad'd, it's the joy and pride she had... she could have just graduated college, and that's how big her beaming smile was right then...
It's a memory I am going to keep and it really lit up this dark time.
Herastandin pepper.
Courtesy of my very own father
And received an empty box
The SEC got him for insider trading.
Christian Bale
Detached retina
Dan, sing Queen!
I was sitting at a moderately crowded bar last night enjoying dinner when an older couple came up and sat next to me. We exchanged hellos and I continued eating my jambalaya. After a bit, the husband finally knew what he wanted to drink.
Husband: "Do you have (so and so) beer?"
Bartender: "Hang on a sec, I'll check."
As the bartender walked away, the husband held both of his arms in the air, closing his hands into fists right above his head, a la Steve Holt. After about 30 seconds, and you could tell she really didn't want to, the wife asks what he's doing.
Wife: "Honey, why are your arms in the air?"
Husband: "I'm hanging on."
The wife rolls her eyes and I laugh inappropriately loudly. He grins.
So at this point, the joke has been made. It's over. But no! He's in it for the long haul. He kept his arms in the air for a solid 3 more minutes, just so the bartender could get in on the joke. She returns with his bottle of beer.
Husband: "Can I stop hanging on now?"
Bartender groans.
Wife: "Yes, please."
I admire his dedication. And his taste in beer.
Because he only has 2 tiny legs...
I answered, "It's because I just can't part with it!"
I was home alone a few hours ago and wanted to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I apply peanut butter and then go downstairs for jelly since there's none upstairs. I grab a new jar and try to open it. However I am incredibly weak so I fail to get it open. After five to ten minutes of trying to open it, I call my mother who is out running errands.
"Mom, are you coming home soon?" "No, why?" "... I can't get this jelly jar open..." "Look in the top shelf with the silverware. There's a red plastic thing. That's a jar opener, use that." "Alright, one sec..." Jar opens "YES!!" Jumps for joy and rushes back to phone "THANK YOU SO MUCH MOM!" "No problem." "I was in a real jam." mom hangs up, sighing
by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in awhile.
it took me a sec..
Palcatraz
I was running outside for a minute to get something out of the car.
Me: I'll be back in a sec.
goes outside, comes back in 30 seconds later
Him: Hi Back in a sec, I'm Thomas.
Me: ...uh ...what?
Him: You said you'd be Back in a sec.
Me laughing
We were leaving his parents' house, but I was pausing in the doorway to watch the last 30 seconds of a scene that was on TV.
Bf - Well, are you coming?
Me - Yeah, just a sec, this scene is intense.
Bf's Dad - I DONT SEE ANY TENTS.
We exit.
They always have meow.
I didn't think it was that cute
...they had record sales every year.
Creds: @FortWorth_SEC
Dad: "C'mon, let's go we're gonna be late!"
Me: "K, just a sec."
Dad: "Don't have time for sex, we gotta go."
During a scene where a wandering and shirtless Superman takes someone's clothes from a random clothesline...
Me: Wait a sec, Superman doesn't steal!
Dad: Sure he does. Why do you think this movie is called "Man of Steal"?
My son was talking about something that I don't even remember, I made an initial Dad joke that we then talked about for a sec, and he realised he couldn't remember what he was talking about.
Son: You made me forget! You're a tool!
Me: How could you forget I'm a tool? Wait! ^No!^fuck...
Sitting at home today because no school, dad calls
Dad: "Hey, can you check quickly if the basement computer is running?" Me: "Sure, just a sec.... yeah it's running, why?" Dad: "Well, you better go catch it" click.
Just checked in at a hotel and checked in for my dad as well. Texted him to let him know our room numbers.
Me: "Got keys, we're in 115 and 113."
Dad: "Huh. That's odd."
Took me a sec...
Me : do you know ? She :what? Me : joule per sec
