My second pun:
I was disappointed by my recent theatre trip the other day: I thought it was a comedy set in a hospital but turns out it was just a play on wards.
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︎ Jul 15 2020
Not my first pun but second pun here. Don't WINE about my Photoshop skills.
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︎ Feb 06 2020
The genie asked, "Whatβs your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "Whatβs your second wish?"
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
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︎ Dec 22 2020
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
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︎ Dec 18 2020
As English my second language, pretty proud of this one.
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Got me for a second not gonna lie
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︎ Feb 19 2021
Two guys at a bar order drinks. The first says "I'll have some H2O." The second says "Yeah, I'll have some H2O too."
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︎ Feb 20 2021
Why did the clock go back four seconds?
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︎ Feb 23 2021
This is what being American is all about. Second Amendment Lights.
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︎ Jan 24 2021
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, βI donβt think they have what youβre looking for, sir.β
I told him, βI donβt think they have what youβre looking for, sir.β
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︎ Dec 17 2020
When you die, your eyes have a few extra seconds just before they die.
It's because they dilate.
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︎ Feb 22 2021
"I am Buzz Aldrin, second man on the moon"
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︎ Jan 27 2021
What do you call second thoughts about plans to visit a Native American sanctuary?
A reservation reservation reservation
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︎ Feb 23 2021
How many seconds are there in a year.
12 second
Edit1: Since so many of you guys are confused, it's like January second, February second and so on.
Edit2: No 22nd doesn't count.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Boy, that second impeachment...
...really trumps the first one.
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︎ Jan 14 2021
What did the cowboy say at his second rodeo?
This ainβt my first rodeo.
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︎ Feb 09 2021
One of my coworkers said today is her thirty second birthday.
I asked her how she could possibly get anything done in such a short amount of time.
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︎ Jan 13 2021
I can't find my 'Gone In 60 seconds' DVD.
It was here a minute ago.
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︎ Nov 23 2020
After getting my wife pregnant with my second child, my daughter asked me why Barbie doesnβt make a pregnant Barbie.
I told her it was because Ken came in another box.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
The decorations were from a second hand store
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︎ Jan 10 2021
TIL that AL Gore created a problem-solving program that did complex calculations once every half-second.
It was an AL Gore rhythm.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
My buddy Linux would always lead the lineup with a bunt and steal second shortly after. And no matter how bad I wanted to swing for the fences, if the batter before me didn't make first; coach would turn to me and say......
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︎ Feb 04 2021
Called my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, could you please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She answered, "Yeah..."
"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"
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︎ Dec 31 2020
In Africa, every 60 secondsβ¦
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︎ Dec 19 2020
**Genie: I will grant you 2 wishes** **Me: I want to be rich.** **Genie: Okay granted, second wish?** **Rich: I'd like loads of money.**
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︎ Jan 03 2021
The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...
... I love it when the clocks go forward!
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Guy's doctor tells him he's sick. He says "I want a second opinion."
Doc says "Okay, you're ugly too."
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︎ Jan 08 2021
If you see the second letter of the alphabet
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︎ Jan 13 2021
Did you know you can hire a guide to take you through the labyrinth in sixty seconds?
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︎ Oct 24 2020
Dad: the guy who stole my ipad could
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︎ Jan 09 2021
I just ate a clock
It was very time consuming
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Climbing through my window on the first floor was easy. But if it was the second floor,
That'd be a different story all together.
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︎ Oct 17 2020
South Korean scientists created an artificial star for 20 seconds...
It's a whole new take on Asian Fusion.
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︎ Jan 03 2021
My New Yearβs Resolution this year is to stop second guessing everything.
Wait, is that even a good enough resolution? Idk
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︎ Jan 01 2021
The second time Hansel and Gretel found a house made of cookies and candy, they sent someone else in to test-nibble it first.
This technique became known as Munch Housen by Proxy.
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︎ Jan 01 2021
You guys know why water is heavier than butane?
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︎ Feb 12 2021
What is the second to last letter of the alphabet?
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Now you just wait there a damn second friend.. a little birdie has just informed me that you are in fact a mime
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︎ Dec 20 2020
Itβs only the second day of Hanukkah, and my wife already ate all of the chocolate in the house...
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︎ Dec 11 2020
Where did Captain Hook get his hook?
He got it at a second hand store...
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︎ Feb 11 2021
I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon
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︎ Dec 13 2020
Hi I'm Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon.
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︎ Feb 02 2021
I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon.
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︎ May 16 2020
I'm Buzz Aldrin, second person ever to step on the moon.....
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︎ Nov 15 2020
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