Seams tailor made
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyYoda
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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It maybe posted here already, as it seams old, but i had a good laugh
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dick4Stone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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There is a very common and seamingly innocuous plant. But if you sit under it for 5 minutes, you’re dead.

A water lily

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBully74
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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My wife has begun writing songs about her sewing machine

She wants to be a Singer-songwriter, or sew it seams.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotcheetopuffs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Seams to me, my pillow case is inside out...
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lan_mcdo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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i went to the pet shop for birdseed the other day.

for some reason the seamed confused when i asked how long it takes for the birds to grow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/botwe_basher
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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My sewing instructor just told me that I’m the worst student she has ever seen.

Shit. Wrong thread.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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I'm going to start a tailoring business called "Seams Legit"

It's not a front

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyLaces
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2013
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I need help with my sewing

Oops, wrong thread.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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My friend knits portraits of famous people. I told her the eyebrows are too high ...

She seamed surprised.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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They were indeed
πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TickLikesBombs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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My tailor really likes fixing my clothes

Or sew it seams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uhud
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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A penguin pillow burst a seam earlier...

so I had to repair a penguinal hernia.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calingaladha
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
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Yesterday was national sewing day..

.. or so it seams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drk311
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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I thought my girlfriend looked like she wanted to get back into sewing clothes...

At least that's the way she seamed...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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I've got a date with a woman form the sewing machine factory.

She seams nice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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Yo man does your bag go to the gym?
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/James-Underwood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
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Her: Are you finally done with all your embroidery puns? I’m sick of it!

Me: Sew it seams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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Dad - β€œNice shirt, is that felt?”

Son - β€œNo, it is cotton. Here,” as he reaches his arm out to me and I touch his sleeve.

Dad - β€œIt’s felt now.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boyleolio
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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I felt a small rip in my favorite pair of pants today

But I can’t seam to find out where.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A98HondaCivic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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My tailor was happy to fix my ripped shirt...

or sew it seams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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I shoplifted a sewing machine yesterday but I’m really regretting it.

It just doesn’t seam right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gear99
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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I saw a raccoon with a sewing machine, I asked my wife "Does that raccoon know how to sew?"

She said, "That's how it seams"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFifthStep
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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I hope this quacks you up.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randyotter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2017
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What do you call a person who makes clothings really fast?

Tailor Swift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thanhjas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2016
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I knew a tailor who was depressed before he went to sewing school

He seams better now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnochChell
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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Research has shown that 7 out of 6 people are bad at fractions.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trenton00
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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Punny suggestions for an embroidery facebook page?

I want to start a page to post my embroidery projects in. Give me some puns about needles/floss/hoops and any other sewing and embroidery ideas.

Thanks!

Link to some of my work: https://imgur.com/gallery/DDBmG

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πŸ‘€︎ u/409latte
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2017
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Why didn't anyone want to go to the local tailor?

Because he seamed like an asshole

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrgonz
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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My wife’s sewing machine isn’t working right

Not sure what’s wrong, it just seams a little off.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
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My tailor loves to fix my pants

Or at least sew its seams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
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Making the bed with my wife

Me: "Is this pillowcase inside out? What are these raised edges?"

Her: "No, those are decorative, not seams. Well, they're seams too. But they're not un-seam-ly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemthenga
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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In the abandoned building down the street from "Tailor Swift" I'm going to open a sketchy-looking alteration service...

called Seams Legit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegodawfultruth
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2016
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Italian tailors are always happy to make a pair of pants for you....

....or at least sew its seams.

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πŸ“…︎ May 17 2016
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My Girlfriend's mom got me with this one...

So we had all just finished eating supper, and I had just noticed my girlfriend had a really nice shirt on. So I commented on how well she had sewed up the back, and her mom:

"It seams like a good job"

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2016
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I have holes in my clothes

But never where it seams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sdot28
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
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unintentional dad joke about my gf's underwear.

I notice her underwear has these big seams on each side so I say "Hmm seems like that would be annoying" She starts laughing. I say "What?? I don't get it... oh SEAMS annoying.. ugh". I made my self groan unintentionally.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cartossin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2015
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Double dad joke In text message.

Text between two dads. Talking about our friend Sean but miss texted Seam.

Me: Can I get a ride from seams? Him: Yep but who is this seams guy will I like him? Me: Yeah you will like Seam. He really holds things together..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allday123
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2014
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My friend's dad's Facebook posts are golden

*Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

*Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

*Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

*What do you call a cow who gives no milk? ...A milk dud (or an udder failure)

*There was a terrible fight reported in our local shopping center. It just so happened that a news reporter from one of our local stations was there to record the entire episode. It was an altercation between a prominent dentist and a manicurist. Their disagreement escalated to the point that they wound up fighting each other tooth and nail.

*The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.

*I recently saw a theatrical performance on puns... turned out, it was just a play on words!

*Have you ever tried watching a magician with an anger management problem? Every time he gets mad, he pulls his hare out!

*If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable? -Just wondering

*Harvard has long been known for its championship Rowing team – until this year. They had their first ever indecisive rower... he couldn’t choose either oar.

*I found an excellent seamstress who is so enthusiastic about her work that she's happy to make a pair of pants for you …or at least sew its seams.

*No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

*I bought a new weed whacker yesterday & it is cutting-hedge technology!

*Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.

*I read about a recent fire at the circus. The heat was in tents.

*I was saddened to hear that our local bakery was going out of business. They said they had decided to stop making donuts after they got tired of the hole thing.

*I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.

*Why do seagulls fly over the sea? …Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!!

*I wonder if their manure spreader is the only equipment John Deere won't stand behind.

*I saw a very emotional wedding recently... even the cake was in tiers!

*I'm glad I'm not a cross-eyed teacher... otherwise I'd find it too difficult to control my pupils!

*What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window? ...Snow and Tell

*I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

*The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

*What kind of math do Snowy Owls like? …Owlgebra

*What

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gwildcat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
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At Joanne's with wife waiting in line at the fabric cutters

My wife starts getting her fabric cut and I tell her to watch out not to cut in line. I calmly say to her, "Everyone knows how these fabric people get. They would have us by the seam of our pants."

The best part: there is a lady who said, "do you have kids because that sounds like something a dad would say"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/josephgene
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
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My friend composes songs about sewing machines

He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inLikeCyn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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My mate composes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter, sew it seams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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My friend composes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams...

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chown-root
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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My tailor was happy to fix my ripped shirt...

Or sew it seams.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report

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