I was walking past a construction site in town and one of the engineers scowled at me and told me to "eff off"!

Guess he failed his degree in Civil Engineering.

👍︎ 21
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📅︎ Aug 14 2018
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Got my wife as she offered to fill my glass with water. She scowled at me.

After filling her own glass, I responded, "Pour (emphasizing this word) favor!" She scowled then slightly laughed.

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Oct 17 2015
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I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me...

Wheres the pi?

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/zamas2
📅︎ Nov 18 2019
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Designated Driver

I'm not usually one for bars, but since the smoking ban in Illinois, they're not so bad. I'm not much of a drinker either, but this one place in particular offers free soft drinks for designated drivers of groups of three or more. You have to get them from a location separate from the bartender. You declare yourself upon entering the place, then your hand is marked, and from that point, you're not allowed alcohol, but you get the free soft drinks.

Their specialty is their own brand of a mixed fruit drink that's really good. It's popular enough that you're usually standing behind six or seven people to wait your turn. So, Saturday night, while I'm waiting for mine, this cute blonde walks up behind me. I figured I'd try to be witty and asked her, "Can I buy you a drink?"

She scowled at me with, "Well aren't you the funny one?"

"What's with the attitude?" I asked her.

"Sorry," she said. "It's them." And she thumbed toward a table with (would you believe it?) a brunette and a redhead.

"Why?" I asked. "What'd they do?"

"I'm just getting sick of it," she said. "Every time we come here, it's always me in the punch line."

👍︎ 9
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👤︎ u/Myntrith
📅︎ Apr 15 2015
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A string walks into a bar...

sits down and says, "I'd like to order one beer please." The bartender says with a scowl, "We don't serve...strings round here." Frustrated, and thirsty, the string exits the bar. He thinks hard, and decides to tie himself into a knot, and rustles his top, and walks back into the bar and sits down. "I'd like one beer please." Bartender says, "Hey...aren't you that string that was in here a while ago?' The string smiles and says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Jun 02 2017
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Got my students earlier (twice)

I was demonstrating for a physics lab today and we were doing an electricity experiment, building circuits and measuring voltage and current with various configurations of resistors.

One pair asked me to look at their results so I picked up the paper and started to shake my head with a scowl on my face.

Girl: What is it? What's wrong?

Me: It's these results.... they're shocking...

After a second of being genuinely worried, they realised I was laughing and looked at me angrily.

Guy: That was terrible.

Me: Sorry, I just couldn't resist.

Cue Groans

👍︎ 11
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👤︎ u/Gildor001
📅︎ Nov 10 2015
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My dad at dinner last night:

My mom says something, and my dad corrects her.

Mom, scowling: Your dad has been correcting me all day!

Dad: That's not true, I only got home at 6.

Classic dad.

👍︎ 116
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👤︎ u/r42xer
📅︎ Aug 23 2013
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Watching the Little Mermaid

My gf and I occasionally enjoy a cheeky Disney movie.

Tonight I asked 'which Disney Princess do you think gets the best reception? '

Scowl

Me 'Arial'

Nothing but rolled eyes and breathing through the nose chuckles

👍︎ 9
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📅︎ Feb 24 2014
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Dad joked my buddy on a school report

We were editing our report for a school project when my buddy tells me he can't spell today. Without missing a beat I reply, "It's easy: t-o-d-a-y." His scowl was priceless.

👍︎ 10
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📅︎ Mar 22 2015
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Dadjoked while watching Fury

Me: This movie is intense!

Husband: No, it's in tanks.

Me: scowls

👍︎ 9
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📅︎ Oct 26 2014
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While driving home from school on a partly cloudy day

Me: (looks up) Wow! There's not a single cloud in the sky!

Daughter: (looks up) What are you talking about?

Me: There's not.

Daughter: Dad, there are like... (gets it) Daughter: (scowls)

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Aug 31 2014
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