My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle...
Strange name, but she tortoise well .
I’m a middle school teacher, not a chef...
But Boyardee’s students having a hard time with online learning
It’s not that my high school math teacher was mean...
It took me months to forgive my science teacher for wearing this to school.
My daughter's teacher gave her a project to write the English alphabet on slips of paper. Unfortunately 25 letter slips got wrinkled on her way to school.
But atleast she has a smoothie
Once my school had multiple teachers absent and they sent the substitutes to the wrong class AMA
Why Do Magicians Make Good High School Teachers?
They already know all of the trick questions.
Why was the school teacher busted?
He was trying to do some meth
Chalk boards are no longer being used in schools, so when the last school finally took them down to install smart boards, the teachers gathered all the writing utensils from them and had a large bon fire just outside the school. It smelled so good.
A young boy was walking to school when he saw a dead dog in the road. When he got to school he told his teacher what he saw. “How do you know if the dog was dead?” She asked the boy. “I know because I pissed in his ear.” The teacher looked horrified. “What do you mean you pissed in his ear??”
‘I went up to him and went “Pssstt!” in his ear and he didn’t move.’
My High School chemistry teacher gave us this pun quiz
Growing up I went to an all-Muslim school. The teacher asked me to make sure that my classmates weren't sneaking bacon at lunch.
I got a badge and a sash that read, "Halal Monitor"
I am really grateful to my math teacher in elementary school who taught us how to subtract numbers.
She really encouraged us to make a difference.
I ran into my kid’s teacher outside of school today.
It was heartbreaking, she was working at her second job. It’s depressing that teachers are so underpaid and unappreciated. So I gave her an extra $50 for the lap dance.
I'm a primary school teacher and one of my kids got me in the lols with this one today... what's a witch's favorite subject?
My middle school once had an anti-bulling activity and our teacher all told us "If you see something, say something!"
The blind kid didn't say a word for the rest of they school year.
Can I post here if i need help coming up with a pun? I’m a high school teacher and am implementing a “phone hotel”. I wanted to name it something clever. Like a name that sounds similar to a real hotel or even name it “Phone Hotel” with a clever slogan. Any ideas?
What did the canadian student say when his japanese teacher came to school wearing cologne?
So a sensei or ‘teacher’ at a martial arts school brings a bowl of crispy wontons to class.
He sets it on a plinth and tells the students they’re free to take a couple after class is over. Halfway through teaching the senpai or sensei’s assistant approaches and tells him he has an important phone call. He tells the class to find a partner and practice. He comes back fifteen minutes later and the plinth is knocked over, the bowl is in pieces and the wontons crushed and scattered about. He is dismayed that his students would engage in such sensei-less wonton destruction.
I suck at geometry because my high school teacher was awful.
She was always going off on tangents.
There’s a school for communists, and do you know what the best compliment a teacher can give to a student there?
A typical "school" joke in my country, when a teacher was checking the attendance in the class:
"Who's not here, please raise your hand."
What did the inflatable teacher say at the inflatable school, to the inflatable student who was holding a pin?
You let me down, you let the school down, you let your friends down but most importantly, you let yourself down.
TIL about Arda Djoques, a homeless woman in Baltimore who wandered into a school and pretended to be a substitute teacher for two weeks. Despite great reviews from her peers, when the school found out, she was forcefully thrown to the street.
My teacher on the first day of school...
"Alright class please stand. Now raise your left leg. Put it back on the ground. Great, everyone may now sit.
Glad we're able to start class on the right foot."
After hearing me perform, my music teacher in school told me I should be tenor.
Tenor twelve feet away from all musical instruments at all times.
I love the teachers at my son's school
Friend was complaining about her partner teacher at school, saying, "She has been in year 3 for 2 years already, this is her third...she is just being lazy"
I thought it was a bit harsh to hold a 6 year old back for 3 years.
My band teacher didn’t show up the last 3 days of the school.
I guess you can say it was Three Days Grace.
I had this one teacher at school, who actually didn't like other people...
... her name was Miss Anne Thrope.
I had a feeling my school art teacher was a bit shady..
...he was super sketchy and always felt tips..
What's the first thing the teacher gives you in clown school?
I'm pretty sure close to 100% of teachers are armed... I mean, don't these people take basic human anatomy in high school? Arming teachers is a moot point.
Not a dad joke, but my high school art teacher
I always had his class right after lunch and would often be a little late because of traffic and whatever. Every time someone was late a second time he would say. " that's your second tardy; you know what that makes you?" "Retardy" his delivery was always with a straight face and then he would laugh.
In school my teacher was a peach.
She had a heart if stone.
A new teacher Joins school...
She finds two boys looking very similar in appearance...
Teacher asks:- "Twins...???"
Boy:- No... *"NEIGHBOURS"
HAPPY DAD DAY everyone!
Why don't teachers give out 'E's in grade school?
Because, they're afraid that if they ran out, they'd be in grad school.
My Catholic school teachers were like hockey goalies.
They were always trying to stop people from scoring.
A 4/20-related dad joke from my electronics teacher in high school.
Teacher speaking to the class...
What do you guys think were the 3 most used words in the 60's?
silence from class
Cool.
Groovy.
and Ear.
Class responds "Ear?!"
Teacher takes a long hit from invisible joint and pretends to pass it to the student in front of him.
while holding his hit "Ear."
In honor of my recently deceased high school English teacher
This was one of her favorite jokes she loved to tell: One day, a man was walking home after a long day at work. As he waited for a crosswalk signal, he glanced back and noticed a coffin standing down the block. "Odd," he thought, but he ignored it and continued home. He turned the corner and managed to catch a glimpse of the coffin again. This time is was closer to him... like it was following him. He picked up his pace and ran into his apartment complex. The coffin was right behind him. In a fright, he dashed up the stairs to his place, locked the door and barricaded himself in the bathroom. Thud, thud, thud! The coffin was banging on the bathroom door. The man frantically looked for something to defend himself. Just as the coffin busted through the door, the man grabbed some cough syrup from the medicine cabinet, threw it at the coffin ... and the coffin stopped.
Dad joked my geometry teacher in high school.
Mr. Z brought out the blue plastic examples of shapes (pyramids, cubes, rectangular prisms, etc.) and he when he brought out the sphere, he accidentally dropped it:
Me: Wow, I guess you really dropped the ball on that one.
Cue moans. The teacher was the only one that laughed. I was proud.
Edit: grammar
My favourite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle
Strange name but she tortoise well..
My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle
Odd name but she tortoise well
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