In my defence I only intended to rough him up a little bit
"Of coarse I do," I replied.
The class had just scratched the surface!
That was a rough day.
So you can have a map.
My dog said "ruff"
I only intended to rough him up abit
which is ludicrous, I was only trying to rough him up a little.
... they're made from scratch.
I told her she must be 2000 grit, 'cause she's FINE!
I'm not sure. It's a tough call.
Every goal is just sellabrasion
It was rough.
On the phone with my dad and he dropped this one... "I got some sandpaper for the dog and asked how it felt. He said ruff." My dad then began to laugh at his own joke.
You just have to know what questions they're answering, like, what’s a tree trunk covered in, what’s the french word for egg, how does sandpaper feel, what’s on the top of a house, what’s 1 divided by two
...it is rough enough to use as sandpaper.
You're going to need all the luck in the world to get an A on that paper.
Note: I was not sure if this should go in dadjokes or another joke sub-reddit.
All we have left at the house is sandpaper. Things are getting rough.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’... keep reading on reddit ➡
Bartender says “Sure... If you say so. Now please leave.”
Guy says, “No really I can prove it.” *turns to dog * “Dog, what is on top this building?” Dog goes “Roof.”
Bartender says “Very clever. Now I’ll ask you again: will you please leave?”
Guy goes “No no seriously! Listen to this: Dog, what is the texture of sandpaper?” Dog goes “Ruff.”
Bartender says “This is the last time I’m going to tell you!”
Guy says “Wait wait please. Dog who is the greatest baseball player of all time?” Dog replies “Ruth”
Bartender: “Get out! I’m calling the authorities!”
Guy and dog leave.
Outside dog turns to guy and says “Jeez. Maybe I should have said Barry Bonds.”
Last night my Dad was helping me with an essay for school. After I went to bed, he decided he would be nice and type/print it for me. When he handed it to me this morning, I said "Thanks, Dad. But it's supposed to be a rough draft." He promptly walked out to the garage with my essay and came back 2 minutes later holding it and a piece of sandpaper. "Here Honey, have a good day at school"...
Had I chosen sandpaper instead, it would have given a new meaning to the term "sandal"
Whenever my dog barks, my dad will say something like, "how does sandpaper feel?"
So this guy has a talking dog, which he brings to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent, "Okay, sport," the guy says to the dog, "What's on top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds, "all dogs go 'roof'." "No, wait" the guy says. He asks the dog what sandpaper feels like. "Rough" the dog replies. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He began to lose his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says, turning to his dog, "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" the dog answered. The talent agent, having seen enough, kicks them out of his office and into the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says, "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"