I’ve just been charged for killing a man using sandpaper

In my defence I only intended to rough him up a little bit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Micktheprivz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
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"Dad, do you have any rough sandpaper?" My son asked.

"Of coarse I do," I replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
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Why did the student not learn anything at Sandpaper Class?

The class had just scratched the surface!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
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I used to have a calendar that was normal except September 11 was made of sandpaper.

That was a rough day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
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I saw my dog walk over sandpaper

He said rough rough

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
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Why would you take sandpaper to the desert?

So you can have a map.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fen_Misting
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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I presented a piece of sandpaper to my dog.

My dog said "ruff"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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Ive been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper

I only intended to rough him up abit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptRedBeardOG
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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What did the dog say when it sat on the sandpaper?

Rough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brandonscript
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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I was arrested this morning for trying to kill a man with sandpaper,

which is ludicrous, I was only trying to rough him up a little.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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I've got a great recipe for "Sandpaper Cookies" ...

... they're made from scratch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GameDevFox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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My wife sent me an article about "sandpaper spouses..."

I told her she must be 2000 grit, 'cause she's FINE!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeartOfDavid
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2016
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My friend asked me if they should buy a phone made of sandpaper.

I'm not sure. It's a tough call.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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It sounds super fun to work for a sandpaper company

Every goal is just sellabrasion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ej1oo1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
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Why did the employee quit his job at the sandpaper factory?

It was rough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/impulsive-ideas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
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Sandpaper

On the phone with my dad and he dropped this one... "I got some sandpaper for the dog and asked how it felt. He said ruff." My dad then began to laugh at his own joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theotherashley
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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Dogs talk to us all the time

You just have to know what questions they're answering, like, what’s a tree trunk covered in, what’s the french word for egg, how does sandpaper feel, what’s on the top of a house, what’s 1 divided by two

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πŸ‘€︎ u/euxneks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
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You know a school paper is a very rough draft when...

...it is rough enough to use as sandpaper.

You're going to need all the luck in the world to get an A on that paper.

Note: I was not sure if this should go in dadjokes or another joke sub-reddit.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
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I went to the store and they were out of toilet paper

All we have left at the house is sandpaper. Things are getting rough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeganInteractions
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Guy walks into a bar with his dog and the bartender says β€œI’m sorry sir, we don’t allow dogs in here.” Guy says β€œThis is no ordinary dog. This dog can speak.”

Bartender says β€œSure... If you say so. Now please leave.”

Guy says, β€œNo really I can prove it.” *turns to dog * β€œDog, what is on top this building?” Dog goes β€œRoof.”

Bartender says β€œVery clever. Now I’ll ask you again: will you please leave?”

Guy goes β€œNo no seriously! Listen to this: Dog, what is the texture of sandpaper?” Dog goes β€œRuff.”

Bartender says β€œThis is the last time I’m going to tell you!”

Guy says β€œWait wait please. Dog who is the greatest baseball player of all time?” Dog replies β€œRuth”

Bartender: β€œGet out! I’m calling the authorities!”

Guy and dog leave.

Outside dog turns to guy and says β€œJeez. Maybe I should have said Barry Bonds.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/schneckesweets
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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My dad helping me with an English paper...

Last night my Dad was helping me with an essay for school. After I went to bed, he decided he would be nice and type/print it for me. When he handed it to me this morning, I said "Thanks, Dad. But it's supposed to be a rough draft." He promptly walked out to the garage with my essay and came back 2 minutes later holding it and a piece of sandpaper. "Here Honey, have a good day at school"...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Money_fingers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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I made some shoes out of paper.

Had I chosen sandpaper instead, it would have given a new meaning to the term "sandal"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManMan36
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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He just keeps repeating it as long as the dog barks.

Whenever my dog barks, my dad will say something like, "how does sandpaper feel?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dis3ngage
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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The dog that can speak English

So this guy has a talking dog, which he brings to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent, "Okay, sport," the guy says to the dog, "What's on top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds, "all dogs go 'roof'." "No, wait" the guy says. He asks the dog what sandpaper feels like. "Rough" the dog replies. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He began to lose his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says, turning to his dog, "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" the dog answered. The talent agent, having seen enough, kicks them out of his office and into the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says, "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KH3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2014
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Why did the student not learn anything at Sandpaper Class?

The class had just scratched the surface!

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corbambino
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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