Every time the camper heard something rustle in the woods he shouted, "It's a grizzly!"

Guess he was a bit bearanoid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deejaydoug
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I was in a bar in Texas, when a man walks in wearing a paper cowboy hat, a paper shirt, paper jeans,paper chaps and paper boots.

Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Warning!

Be aware We ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I won't name them) I went to pick it up last night and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!WTF??!!! I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me. I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ... And there it was ... ... A Peeking Duck!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Weedwacker01
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Cowboy: Who's that they're hanging?

Cowboy: Who's that they're hanging?

Barman: That there is the Brown Paper Kid.

Cowboy: Brown Paper Kid? Never heard of him. What did they get him for?

Barman: Rustling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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What is the term for when a farmer's cow goes missing?

A missed-steak

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllanCD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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What do you call a man with a paper bag on his head?

Rustle!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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Did you hear about the black bird that steals cattle?

It's the rustle crow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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The Bacon Tree

The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. 'Jean Luc!' he exclaims. 'You weel nevar believe! I 'ave 'eard word of a bacon tree!'. Jean-Luc looks confused and scoffs 'Imposseeble! You cannot grow BaycON on a tree!'. 'Come! And I weel show you ze bacon tree!'. So Jean-Luc & Jean-Pierre set off down the river, with Jean-pierre providing direction to the enigmatic 'bacon tree'. Finally, they pulled over onto a small beach that lead to a large forest. 'Stay 'ere and watch ze canoe, and I weel bring ze bacon back from ze bacon tree!' said John-Pierre. Hours go by and John-Pierre hasn't returned. As night falls, and Jean-Luc is about to enter the forest to look for his friend, he hears a rustling in the nearby brush, to which Jean-Pierre stumbles out, bloody and with arrows through his legs and arms. 'Jean-Pierre! What 'appened!!' exclaimed Jean-luc. 'Turns out it was not a bacOn tree.....it was an 'AMBUSH!!!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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I met a cowboy in a brown paper hat, brown paper waistcoat and brown paper pants.

He was wanted for rustling.

More dad jokes at www.keeplaughingforever.com/dad-jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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Hopalong Happychopper walks into the saloon and the bartender says, "Howdy stranger, ain't seen you in these parts, so you must be here to watch the hanging!" Hopalong looks the bartender menacingly in the eyes and replies, "Nope, but seeing we're talking, who are you hanging?"

The bartender responds, "Well, ain't you heard cowboy, we gonna string up Brown Paper Rattler mighty high, even the angels are gonna hear his neck break!"

Hopalong asks, "Why they call him Brown Paper Rattler?"

The bartender chuckles, "Why, old Rattler wears a brown paper Stetson, a brown paper waistcoat and even right down to brown paper socks."

Puzzled, Hopalong then asks, "So why you hanging him?"

...and the bartender replies, "For rustling."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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I was playing PokΓ©mon black and white yesterday with a friend

He asked me what shows up in the rustling grass and I replied audino.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iann2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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What’s the difference between a Russian strongman and a small tree?

One wrestles bears, the other barely rustles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
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What do you call a men with no arms or legs?

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pond? A: Bob

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs under a car? A: Jack

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your mailbox? A: Bill

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on a wall? A: Art

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pot? A: Stu

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs sitting on a grill? A: Frank

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves? A: Rustle

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pot hole? A: Phil

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs at the bottom of a hole? A: Doug

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs at the bottom of a not as deep hole? A: Douglas

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs at your front door? A: Matt

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs on the floor at a barbershop? A: Harry

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs that works at a brewery? A: Bud

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs water-skiing? A: Skip

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhinobird
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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A string walks into a bar...

sits down and says, "I'd like to order one beer please." The bartender says with a scowl, "We don't serve...strings round here." Frustrated, and thirsty, the string exits the bar. He thinks hard, and decides to tie himself into a knot, and rustles his top, and walks back into the bar and sits down. "I'd like one beer please." Bartender says, "Hey...aren't you that string that was in here a while ago?' The string smiles and says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/douchiemane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
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A podiatrist is alone in the woods.

He hears a strange rustling in the bushes and says

"Something is afoot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thelandofmiguela
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2017
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My dad got a ticket driving home

Dad: "You'll never believe what happened to me today driving home!"

Me: "What?"

Dad: "Well, I was driving down a back road home from work. It was such a beautiful day. The sun was still shining, a slight breeze was rustling the trees, and all the leaves had changed colors. Yellow, orange, red... just a gorgeous view. I was doing about 55, not a car in sight, when I come around a bend and see a cop car parked on the side of the road. I slowed down, but tried not to slow down so quickly that it would be obvious. I carefully drove up past the cop, being extra careful to stay centered within the lines and maintaining my lower speed. It looked like I was all clear, but then from out of nowhere a turkey jumped out in front of my car! I didn't even have a chance to brake!"

Me: "Jeez that's crazy!"

Dad: "I know! It hit the front of my car, rolled up over the windshield and did a somersault before landing directly onto the hood of the officer's car. He immediately turned on his lights and pulled me over and gave me a ticket."

Me: "What?? But that's not your fault! It was the turkey! What did he even give you a ticket for?"

Dad: "He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird. Hahahaha!"

Me: -___-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoopaSte123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Got my brother while walking to the library

My brother and I were walking to the library after I picked him up from school, and some bushes moved a little bit as we passed by them.

Bro: Did you hear that?

Me: Hear what?

Bro: The rustle in the bushes

Me: How did you know his name was Russell?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hex498
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
🚨︎ report
**** PLEASE BE AWARE ****

We ordered a Chinese last from a local place in downtown (we won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving home, heard the bags rustling and moving!!!

I thought what on earth is that? Has something got in the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.

I was driving so pulled over, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the chili beef.

I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...

And there it was ...

A Peeking Duck

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/createsean
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Be vigilant

I hate to do this about a local business but feel you deserve to know. πŸ˜•

** Be aware **

We ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I'm not going to name them) I'd just been to pick it up and as I were driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!! I thought what the hell is that? Has something got in the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out

I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers!

I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...

And there it was ...

... A Peeking Duck!!!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beanieboombaby
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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