[Insert ruler pun here]
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︎ Feb 04 2021
What's the undisputed ruler of all hand tools?
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︎ Jan 08 2021
I bought some really expensive, bendable rulers yesterday
I guess they were very flexy
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︎ Jan 14 2021
I bought a 3 foot ruler this summer...
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︎ Jan 29 2021
Did you hear about the mummy that just woke up and is still convinced heβs ruler of Egypt? When told βthatβs impossibleβ he flew into a rage, ran away, and jumped in a river.
People say heβs in da Nile
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︎ Dec 25 2020
What do you get when you cross a French Ruler and a grenade?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
What is the first thing a ruler does in a duel?
It sizes up the opponent.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
I poke a ruler at you because ...
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︎ Sep 27 2020
I recently dropped and broke a 'shatter-proof' ruler
My disappointment is immeasurable
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 19 2020
Who Is The Ruler of Caves Underground?
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︎ Jul 22 2020
Supreme Ruler!
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︎ May 05 2020
Mods are asleep, so here's an imperial ruler
π︎ 19
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︎ Nov 28 2019
If protractors went to war with rulers
Protractor: measures 90 degrees
Protractor General: SQUARE UP!!
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︎ Sep 27 2019
Why is it easy to make money out of manufacturing rulers?
Because of the economies of scale.
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︎ Feb 16 2020
Why would you sleep with a ruler under your pillow?
To measure how long you slept.
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︎ Jan 19 2020
My 12 inch ruler fell in my shoe
I guess I'll always have a foot in my shoe
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︎ Sep 21 2019
Who was the ancient Roman ruler who always used the phrase βI canβt evenβ?
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︎ Nov 06 2019
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 23 2019
What do you call it when a Mycenaean ruler has to poo?
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︎ Dec 22 2019
Did you know back in midevil Russia they had a specific hole that they would throw their rulers in for being too facetious
It was called the tsar chasm
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︎ Aug 27 2019
Son: Dad why are you taking a ruler with you to bed?
Dad: To see how long I sleep!
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︎ Oct 29 2019
I forgot to bring my see-through ruler to work with me today...
I clearly wasn't thinking straight.
π︎ 8
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︎ Jun 08 2019
I take a ruler to bed with me every night....
...so in the morning I can find out how long I slept.
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︎ Jan 08 2019
Since the US is the only country that uses British Imperial Units, itβs ironically the only former British colony to still have British rulers.
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︎ Mar 13 2019
When I was in grade school, I had a plastic ruler that broke in half.
Let's just say I lost a few inches
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︎ Oct 06 2019
Priam, the mythological ruler of Troy, was infamous for yelling at his subjects until he lost his voice
Perhaps that's why they called him the hoarse Trojan.
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︎ Sep 26 2019
What do you call the ruler of all things rice?
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︎ Aug 29 2019
Whyβs my ruler not moving?
Because itβs stationary
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︎ Sep 19 2019
What do you call the ruler of all the socks?
π︎ 14
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︎ Mar 22 2018
What do rulers eat to freshen their breath?
π︎ 12
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︎ Aug 16 2018
I asked a communist to lend his ruler to me
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︎ May 08 2019
Why are arabian rulers are such jerks?
Because they are dick-tators
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︎ Feb 13 2019
Me, to my wife: Do you want to have dinner with one of the Imperial rulers of Germany?
Her: Iβm not going to Burger King again.
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︎ Dec 29 2017
Where did the ruler and sharpener go to on their honeymoon?
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︎ Mar 11 2019
What does the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom do when she wants to make a hard copy of the monologue she will deliver at her inauguration?
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︎ Jun 28 2016
Did you hear about the train made out of pens, pencils and rulers that wouldnβt move?
They tried swapping the rulers for erasers but it remained stationary.
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︎ Dec 03 2018
Have you heard about the ancient Egyptian ruler who asked for help in deciding which film to watch - Elf, Anchorman or Stepbrothers?
βWhat is your will, Pharaoh?β
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︎ Jan 25 2019
Supreme Ruler
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︎ Aug 19 2018
If the Animal Kingdom was a dictatorship, why would a cow be named ruler?
Because cows have udder control.
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︎ Feb 12 2019
I guess the need to measure kings is what led to the ruler.
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︎ Jan 23 2018
I go to bed with a ruler
I like to know how long I slept
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︎ May 22 2018
What do you call it when an animal urinates on a ruler?
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︎ Dec 07 2018
If the Russian ruler was called the Tsar and his wife was the Tsarina, what were their children called?
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︎ Jan 18 2018
Some rulers just...
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︎ May 14 2015
Why did the applicant mail a ruler to the company a week before the interview?
He was trying to get 30.48 cm in the door.
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︎ Feb 26 2017
What is the first thing a ruler does in a duel?
It sizes up the opponent.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
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