I bought some really expensive, bendable rulers yesterday
I guess they were very flexy
What's the undisputed ruler of all hand tools?
I bought a 3 foot ruler this summer...
Did you hear about the mummy that just woke up and is still convinced he’s ruler of Egypt? When told ‘that’s impossible’ he flew into a rage, ran away, and jumped in a river.
People say he’s in da Nile
What do you get when you cross a French Ruler and a grenade?
What is the first thing a ruler does in a duel?
It sizes up the opponent.
I poke a ruler at you because ...
I recently dropped and broke a 'shatter-proof' ruler
My disappointment is immeasurable
Who Is The Ruler of Caves Underground?
Mods are asleep, so here's an imperial ruler
If protractors went to war with rulers
Protractor: measures 90 degrees
Protractor General: SQUARE UP!!
Why is it easy to make money out of manufacturing rulers?
Because of the economies of scale.
Why would you sleep with a ruler under your pillow?
To measure how long you slept.
My 12 inch ruler fell in my shoe
I guess I'll always have a foot in my shoe
Who was the ancient Roman ruler who always used the phrase “I can’t even”?
Did you know back in midevil Russia they had a specific hole that they would throw their rulers in for being too facetious
It was called the tsar chasm
What do you call it when a Mycenaean ruler has to poo?
Son: Dad why are you taking a ruler with you to bed?
Dad: To see how long I sleep!
I forgot to bring my see-through ruler to work with me today...
I clearly wasn't thinking straight.
I take a ruler to bed with me every night....
...so in the morning I can find out how long I slept.
Since the US is the only country that uses British Imperial Units, it’s ironically the only former British colony to still have British rulers.
When I was in grade school, I had a plastic ruler that broke in half.
Let's just say I lost a few inches
Priam, the mythological ruler of Troy, was infamous for yelling at his subjects until he lost his voice
Perhaps that's why they called him the hoarse Trojan.
What do you call the ruler of all things rice?
Why’s my ruler not moving?
What do you call the ruler of all the socks?
What do rulers eat to freshen their breath?
Why are arabian rulers are such jerks?
Because they are dick-tators
I asked a communist to lend his ruler to me
Me, to my wife: Do you want to have dinner with one of the Imperial rulers of Germany?
Her: I’m not going to Burger King again.
Where did the ruler and sharpener go to on their honeymoon?
What does the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom do when she wants to make a hard copy of the monologue she will deliver at her inauguration?
Did you hear about the train made out of pens, pencils and rulers that wouldn’t move?
They tried swapping the rulers for erasers but it remained stationary.
Have you heard about the ancient Egyptian ruler who asked for help in deciding which film to watch - Elf, Anchorman or Stepbrothers?
“What is your will, Pharaoh?”
If the Animal Kingdom was a dictatorship, why would a cow be named ruler?
Because cows have udder control.
I guess the need to measure kings is what led to the ruler.
I go to bed with a ruler
I like to know how long I slept
What do you call it when an animal urinates on a ruler?
If the Russian ruler was called the Tsar and his wife was the Tsarina, what were their children called?
Why did the applicant mail a ruler to the company a week before the interview?
He was trying to get 30.48 cm in the door.
What is the first thing a ruler does in a duel?
It sizes up the opponent.
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