[Insert ruler pun here]
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ha-Ka-Tu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought some really expensive, bendable rulers yesterday

I guess they were very flexy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raaxen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the undisputed ruler of all hand tools?

The awl mighty.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stablefish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought a 3 foot ruler this summer...

I bought it yardsale.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mummy that just woke up and is still convinced he’s ruler of Egypt? When told β€˜that’s impossible’ he flew into a rage, ran away, and jumped in a river.

People say he’s in da Nile

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a French Ruler and a grenade?

Napoleon Blown-Apart!!!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frugatti_cuse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the first thing a ruler does in a duel?

It sizes up the opponent.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanquisher992
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I poke a ruler at you because ...

I measure your patience.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeoArmaNinja
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently dropped and broke a 'shatter-proof' ruler

My disappointment is immeasurable

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xzcar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Who Is The Ruler of Caves Underground?

SPELUNKING!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aoc970
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Supreme Ruler!
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djteotancolis
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Mods are asleep, so here's an imperial ruler
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigdeal888
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
If protractors went to war with rulers

Protractor: measures 90 degrees Protractor General: SQUARE UP!!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlasmaMcNuggets
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it easy to make money out of manufacturing rulers?

Because of the economies of scale.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why would you sleep with a ruler under your pillow?

To measure how long you slept.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sharpified
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My 12 inch ruler fell in my shoe

I guess I'll always have a foot in my shoe

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatRedIronDragon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Who was the ancient Roman ruler who always used the phrase β€œI can’t even”?

Emperor Constant Teen.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AvantJeef6000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know back in midevil Russia they had a specific hole that they would throw their rulers in for being too facetious

It was called the tsar chasm

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TalontedJay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a Mycenaean ruler has to poo?

Acrapolis

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPeneMcgundy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad why are you taking a ruler with you to bed?

Dad: To see how long I sleep!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I forgot to bring my see-through ruler to work with me today...

I clearly wasn't thinking straight.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GibHib
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I take a ruler to bed with me every night....

...so in the morning I can find out how long I slept.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Since the US is the only country that uses British Imperial Units, it’s ironically the only former British colony to still have British rulers.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dazzler_wbacc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was in grade school, I had a plastic ruler that broke in half.

Let's just say I lost a few inches

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leaky_holes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Priam, the mythological ruler of Troy, was infamous for yelling at his subjects until he lost his voice

Perhaps that's why they called him the hoarse Trojan.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChargingTiger
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the ruler of all things rice?

Queenua

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SixSalamander
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why’s my ruler not moving?

Because it’s stationary

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Richardbaconaise
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the ruler of all the socks?

The stoc-KING

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do rulers eat to freshen their breath?

Measure-mints

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NOT-2B
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are arabian rulers are such jerks?

Because they are dick-tators

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/benelkal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked a communist to lend his ruler to me

He said he has none

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealComradeMeep
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Me, to my wife: Do you want to have dinner with one of the Imperial rulers of Germany?

Her: I’m not going to Burger King again.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Where did the ruler and sharpener go to on their honeymoon?

Pennsylvania

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lordlewis6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom do when she wants to make a hard copy of the monologue she will deliver at her inauguration?

She prints-a-speech.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fnnythe3hd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the train made out of pens, pencils and rulers that wouldn’t move?

They tried swapping the rulers for erasers but it remained stationary.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TannedCroissant
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the ancient Egyptian ruler who asked for help in deciding which film to watch - Elf, Anchorman or Stepbrothers?

β€œWhat is your will, Pharaoh?”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zorroroaster
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Supreme Ruler
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vicious_viridian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
If the Animal Kingdom was a dictatorship, why would a cow be named ruler?

Because cows have udder control.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cobbywriter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I guess the need to measure kings is what led to the ruler.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingdomcome3914
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I go to bed with a ruler

I like to know how long I slept

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhabibs
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when an animal urinates on a ruler?

A centi-peed

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeartBreakKid99
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
If the Russian ruler was called the Tsar and his wife was the Tsarina, what were their children called?

Tsardines.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Some rulers just...

Don't measure up

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/echelon102
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did the applicant mail a ruler to the company a week before the interview?

He was trying to get 30.48 cm in the door.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugbrain_04
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
🚨︎ report
What is the first thing a ruler does in a duel?

It sizes up the opponent.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanquisher992
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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