What's black and white and ruled in Rome?

Julius Zebra

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the queen who wasn’t sure how long she had ruled for?

She took a reign check.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING: The Supreme Court ruled in favor of Dad Jokes.

They deemed it cool and amusable pun-ishment

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clifwith1f
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about that show with the nun who ruled over heaven?

I want to quiz you on it.

First question: What was it called?

A: The Heir to Heaven B: Hi, I’m Up High C: Girls Rule the Afterlife

>!Whatever you answered, it was wrong. It’s Nun of the Above.!<

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KawaiiFoxPlays
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
🚨︎ report
In 1925, the courts ruled on whether primates can use mouthwash.

It was during the Scope monkey trial.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Surprisingly, I helped a woman understand she ruled

She was empressed

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a kingdom ruled by grass?

A lawnarchy

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/projectimperfect
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2016
🚨︎ report
There are two unwritten rules in life
πŸ‘︎ 628
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/felinebarbecue
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
As a rule of thumb ALWAYS have a squid on your side when you're in a fight

they're well armed

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bronzeaardvark
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the opposite of a croissant?

A happy uncle.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
WHICH POTATO RULES THEM ALL?

The Dic-tator.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/agentvision
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What are the unspoken rules of sign language?

All of them.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
This movie rules
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ha-Ka-Tu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fear of giants?

Feefiphobia

Edit: wow! I never expected this to reach such great heights..... Thank you for the awards, kind redditors.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/denandbil
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
eBay is so useless

I tried to look up lighters and all they had were 13,570 matches

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puranjay1432
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
3 unwriten rules of life..
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a big cat that doesn't play by the rules?

A cheetah!

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
First rule of β€œMute Club”

Nobody talks about β€œMute Club”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xenex2005
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The Soup Dragon rules!
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??

An Optical Aleutian

I’ll see myself out...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.

I saw it coming from a kilometer away.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Ancient farmers lived by one rule

No rain, no gain

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is dark written with a K not a C?

Because you can't C in the dark

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Mechatronix
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.

Without her they're ruthless.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudefaceguy_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when an older married gay couple make it a rule to go out at least once every 2 weeks?

A man-date mandate

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SusheeMonster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week

Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justin_true_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.

He just can't part with it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeltaOne211
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is β€œbeefstew” an unsafe password to use?

Because it’s not Stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peytonmi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a term for people like Trump

Evidently not two though

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Meemsouprice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the man get sent back to his home country for following his high school girlfriends life rules?

It was his ex-tradition

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a priest perform an exorcism for my house, but I never paid the bill....

It’s been repossessed

πŸ‘︎ 238
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The first rule of passive aggressive club is..

You know what, never mind. It’s fine.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsureyoudo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Ireland has just introduced a maximum six person indoors rule. Where will that leave the seven dwarves..?

..one of them won't be Happy.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you prove that the "I" before "E" except after "C" doesn't always apply ?

Through science.

πŸ‘︎ 146
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Dude 1: β€œHey bro?” Dude 2: β€œYeah bro?” Dude 1: β€œCan you hand me that pamphlet?”

Dude 2: β€œBrochure”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/reditrewrite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter(7) just caught me off guard with this.

Daughter : Whats Nana's middle name?

Me: the same as mommies, I think

Daughter: her middle name is just i think?

I'm so proud. Sorry if I don't know how to format, I tried.

πŸ‘︎ 335
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/podolot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?

The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gambitK9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
According to the new rules this year, NFL players are no longer allowed to have a chicken as a pet.

It’s considered to be a personal fowl.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a snooker table laugh?

Put your hand in its pocket and tickle its balls.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....

Quaranteens.

πŸ‘︎ 609
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, β€œI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

He said, β€œWow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Groups of more than six will be banned under new Corona rules. So we all know what this means...

Sneezy is getting kicked out the seven dwarfs.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
There are 2 unwritten rules for a successful marriage.
  1.                                    2)
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
The 3 unwritten rules of life..
πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/patheticvill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A wise man once gave me the 3 unwritten rules of life

1 .

2 .

πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bhop48
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
the unwritten rule of life

unwritten rule of life...

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leonelritchie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The three unwritten rules of life.
πŸ‘︎ 113
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProbableWheat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
3 unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. 3.
πŸ‘︎ 285
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The 3 unwritten rules of life.
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Theunkillable
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.