Canโ€™t believe someone rubbed one off, in elevator
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ssigea
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I used to hate my boyfriends cologne

But then it started to rub off on me

I also posted this on Jokes so don't hate me

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bridgetothewild
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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My daughter asked why I shaved off my beard. "Mama does like it," I said then explained, "It rubbed her the wrong way."
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cruzinspeed
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 29 2016
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I am finally rubbing off on her.

I am engaged to a fine lady who is slowly learning the wonder that are dad jokes. I work at a company that makes fans and today I just got a text from her telling me to "Have a FAN-tastic day!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/p3t3r133
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
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I'm rubbing off on my wife

After my wife came home from the gym she told me that she got to wear her new work-out clothes.

I said, "Oh yeah, how did they do for you?"

She replied, "They worked out," followed by a slowly growing smirk as she maintained eye contact.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/towneseyes
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 29 2016
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My dad's jokes are rubbing off on me

Mom: I'm tired of all these yellow jackets coming in the house!

Me: I guess the weather will get colder and they will wish they were yellow coats instead

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Emperor_of_Cats
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 11 2013
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A women was getting petrol at a petrol station and spilt some on her arm.

She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.

Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ghost_Of_Memes_Past
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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My girlfriend dropped this one on me. I'm definitely rubbing off on her.

http://imgur.com/BXk0RPb

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Vaticancameos221
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
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My dad jokes have been rubbing off on my wife.

We were unloading the dishwasher and she accidentally hit me in the but with a dish. I said, I always knew you were kinky. Her reply, "Yep, I used to have a perm."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PoweredByADD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 23 2014
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After a lifetime of hilariously corny puns, and silly jokes, my dad has definitely rubbed off on me.

Last night my dad was showing me a gift he picked up for our annual white elephant gift exchange with the family at my grandparents house. It was a large wooden Reindeer, with Christmas light and decorations painted on it, and huge, baby-like eyes. This is how the conversation went. Dad: "I don't think it's too bad. It's kind of different, but not a bad present." Me: "It was a good gift, I don't think it's bad at all. It's enDEERing!" He smiles, gives me an overdramatic groan and eye-roll, and then high-fives me. I love my dad.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SourGrape_Snape
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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The One That Made Me Love Dad Jokes

My Step dad told me this one about 25 years ago (I was around 12?) and I've loved it, and dad jokes, ever since.....

A guy named Benny was walking down the beach when he found a magic lamp.

When he rubbed the lamp, a genie came out and said he got three wishes. However, he must agree to never shave again. If he did, he would become an urn.

Benny wished for riches, women and a VERY long life.

Years upon years had passed; and Benny's beard was so long it was difficult to manage. He decided that surely the genie who had granted his wishes so long ago had forgotten about him, and so he shaved his beard off.

POOF!!

He was an urn.

What's the moral of the story?

A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CandyceCox
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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Dad jokes in real life.

Tonight my wife and I were explaining why my son had to wear pajama bottoms after putting anti-itch cream on his legs, because it kept it from rubbing off on the sheets. โ€œBut doesnโ€™t it rub off on the pajamas?โ€ asked my daughter. My wife patiently explained that the cream could then rub back onto his legs.

โ€œYes,โ€ I said. โ€œItโ€™s a perpetual lotion machine.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jofish22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
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Itโ€™s been written before and Iโ€™m sure it will be written again, the dry erase board is so remarkable...

*written on before...*written on again... some jerk keeps rubbing it off ๐Ÿ˜

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rachelsfriendfriend
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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Got my wife this morning

I was in the bathroom and she called from down the hall, "What's the brand name on my hair mousse?"

Looking at the bottle, I see the label has been rubbed off, so I say "It doesn't say, it must be... Anony-mousse!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TapThatSAS
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 05 2015
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Why did the bicycle see the psychiatrist?
  1. It was always two tired.

  2. It had lost its bearings and became derailed.

  3. It had cycle logical problems.

  4. The cycle paths were starting to rub off on it.

  5. It was fed up with being taken for a ride.

  6. It suspected it was becoming cycle-chotic.

  7. It had been too long since it last spoke to a professional.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Spotted_Lady
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 17 2018
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I locked my keys in the car...

So I took off my pants, rolled them up and rubbed them on the car door. The car unlocked.

I'm so glad I was wearing my khaki trousers.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RangerZA
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 11 2017
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The Laughing Hoagie

Two high school students named Steve and Josh found themselves broke on a saturday afternoon while strolling around in the city mall. They hadn't eaten lunch and they were getting hungry, but alas, they had no money for food and they were hours away from home.

"I heard there's a place downtown where you can get a sandwich for free" Steve said to Josh.

"That sounds great, let's check it out" Josh replied, and they headed downtown.

They soon found the place. It was a small shop, too small to feel like a real business. The place had no tables or chairs, and not really much furniture at all. An old man stood behind a small counter and eyed them as they entered.

"Welcome to the Laughing Hoagie" he said.

"What is a laughing hoagie?" Josh wondered.

"It's the name of this sandwich place. This is not a regular sandwich shop. We have a special offer here for people who can't afford to pay for their food." the man said as he smiled a toothy smile at them.

"So it's true then," Josh blurted out, "we can get free food here?"

"Not so fast." The old man said. "There is a condition."

"What is it?" Steve wondered aloud.

"Well," the man started "you have to listen to one of my jokes, and the one of you who laughs the most genuine laugh gets a free sandwhich. The other one gets nothing."

As he said this, the old man opened a small refrigerator that stood behind the counter and produced a large, footlong sandwhich with ham, cheese, bacon, lettuce and tomatoes. It was covered in a white dressing and gave off a faint peppery aroma. The boys' mouths started watering at the sight of it.

"What? So only one of us gets a sandwhich?" Steve asked, taken aback.

"Those are the rules," the old man grinned, "if you don't like it, you may leave."

"Nah, we'll hear the joke." Josh said. Steve looked at him, and then nodded to the old man.

"All right." the old man rubbed his hands together as if preparing to dig into a strenuous task.

"What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?" he asked, and looked expectantly at the teens. They both stared at him with blank expressions.

"Bye Son!" he exclaimed, and struggled not to burst out giggling at his own quip. Josh chuckled a bit, but Steve just frowned.

"That was the worst joke I ever heard!" he exclaimed.

"Well," the old man said as he handed the sandwich over to Josh, "if you don't like jokes with really bad punchlines, then this sub is not for you."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fluffigt
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 15 2019
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I caught myself making a dad joke today...

Dropping my kid off for kindergarten today. Called him over to the fence where I was standing to say bye.

A random 4 or 5 year old girl comes running over:

Girl: Hey, you have my dad's beard!

Me (rubbing beard): huh... Maybe I should give it back.

Her sentence was very well articulated and it was obvious that she was being figurative and not literal.

The look she gave me was priceless lol.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wardrich
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 07 2013
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Every time my dad gets carded somewhere

You know how some places are required to card absolutely everyone? Well, every time they do it to my dad he looks at the person, rubs his bald head and says "this isn't enough i.d. for ya????" Every. Time. If he has a cap on, he will take it off in order to make this happen.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/melanie086
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 14 2013
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So my girlfriend started picking up on phrases I say...

And I called her on it.

Her: I guess you're just rubbing off on me. Me: Yeah, and you're awake this time. Her: Groan

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rentedcargo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 16 2014
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