In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.

Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.

All credit goes to my coworker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robertmmoore143
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Since the government's instituted shelter-in-place orders, lions have been roaming main street...

It's a Pride Parade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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On our roadtrip my dads phone buzzed and said his service went to Roaming

He got upset and said something to my mom, to which she replied, "We've been roaming all day".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotdogburgerbun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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Roaming minutes

My dad is out of the country with a cruise and texted me. I told him to Facebook message me so as to not waste his roaming minutes.
His response: Roming on Friday. Florencing tomorrow. Francing today." I laughed in my cubicle and refused to explain why.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chops51991
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2016
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Roaming Candles

I was telling my dad about the fireworks my friends and I lit off last night

Me: And I lit off a Roman Candle

Dad: (makes a squiggly line in the air) So did it go off and start roaming around?

Mom: ugh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forensikat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2014
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My Nationality

I told a coworker that I think I might Roman.

He asked me why did I think that

I told him because the pain I have is constantly roaming

He said No I think your Jamaican

I asked him why he thought that

He said because Jamaican me crazy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nephilim-75
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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What do you call a number that won't sit still??

A Roamin' Numeral.

(Apologies if it's an old joke. My daughter told me this today while doing online math class. THANKS COVID!!)

Everyone stay safe and healthy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/josie4afg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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What is large, green and roams the woods?

A pack of cucumbers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenin_Black
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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They stopped letting felines roam free in the meat market at the grocery store...

Too many animal related injuries, they were too delicat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/205throwitup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2017
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What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A Roaming Catholic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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I work with a small town search and rescue. We recently had a guy visiting from the big city to do some kayaking on the river.

He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.

The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.

He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Islander399
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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A baby chameleon went to a therapist

Chameleon: The humans hate me

Therapist: What makes you say that?

Chameleon: My parents and siblings roam around their houses and kids' bikes, and it's all fine by the humans, but when I visit their neighborhood, they throw objects at me

Therapist: You need to learn to adapt to change

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vinayjrao
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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I can't believe Julius Caesar invaded France

Like honestly, he had the Gaul to do that? Wow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmEdgy03
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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Native American naming conventions (contains a swear word)

My dad used to tell me this one growing up:

>Native American child is with his father. He looks up at him and says "Dad, how did you figure out what to name us when we were born?"
>
>The dad responds "Son, it's easy: I just looked around nature and what I saw is what I named you. Your sister, Flying-Eagle, for instance, was born while an eagle flew overhead. Your brother was named Roaming-Buffalo for a similar reason. Why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Fucking?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JandersOf86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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Have you heard about the Nun who ran away from the nunnery?

She's a roaming Catholic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeadlyViper2528
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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Cat calling
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToXiC_Games
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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What do you call a sleep walking nun?

A Roman Catholic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shortbusinc82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
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I just saw V, X and L walking around aimlessly.

I can't stand Roaming numerals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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The tour group visiting the capital of Italy did not have a specific agenda...

So the could roam Rome!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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Of the entire animal kingdom, I'd have to say my favorite

Is steak... medium with just a little pink inside. With a salad is nice too. And potato with butter. Mmmm... love those steaks, roaming wild on the Savannah.

Sorry. Got distracted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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Adiūtā́tō! Roman pun assistance

So I'm trying to write an essay about the Roman Republic becoming the Roman Empire, thought it'd be funny to start off with a pun but I can't think of anything so... help?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SegaExodus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2013
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What do you call a hopeless romantic who wanders the countryside?

Roam-eo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RhynoCTR
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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My parents are in Italy, and I just received a text from my dad.

"My phone has been on roam all week. I think that's hilarious."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PowderedDonut69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2015
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So theres this pirate, right?

He roams around the oceans and does pirate-y things, but he's most known for this one eccentricity: whenever he sees sheet music with anything over a high B, he rips it to shreds.

They call him the Tearer of the High C's

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πŸ‘€︎ u/glittertongue
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2015
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When parents announce their Euro-medditeranian travel plans

Mom- We're going to Rome, then we're going to Greece and we're going to Mount Olympus.

Me- Where are you roaming to? What are you greasing? And I don't think its safe to mount Olympus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edragon20
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2015
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What religion is a traveling nun?

A roaming catholic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Misinformed_Larry
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2014
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Got my wife on our road trip today

Wife looking at her phone: go figure, were roaming.

Me: have a little more faith honey, I know exactly where we're going.

silence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_little_too_late
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2014
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Got My GF So Good!

Me: I'm thinking about switching to T-Mobile. I've heard they let you use data, text, and talk with no fees while in Europe and Canada.

My GF: Oh? You won't be roaming?

Me: Nope! Not even when I'm in Rome!

eyes roll, grumbles galore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tonyage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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Grandad Humor

Grandpa: You have a beautiful Roman nose.
Mom: Thanks?
Grandpa: It's Roman (roaming) all over your face!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/markymalarky
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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On my way to college today through driving through the Midwestern US.

My dad asks me to check if an email has finally sent on his phone and I inform him that his phone is roaming. He said "Don't you think it's time that it cut that out, settled down, and started a nice phone family"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mon766
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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Got hit with one while walking in the mall.

We're roaming around the mall and we pass a Kirkland's. For those of you that don't know, Kirkland's sells furniture and decorations. My friend goes, "Wait, what's that store?" I tell him that's a home-y store. He his me with, "Oh, I didn't know we were in the ghetto, we'd better get out of this area. It's not safe."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
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Farm Humor

My friend of mine is a new dad and lives on a farm. He has some cattle that are free to roam around the yard. He calls them his "auto-moo-tic" lawn mowers.

He's gonna be a fine dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/foxekiwi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
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Dad joking the tour guide

After finishing the tour of the majority of the Dallas Cowboys stadium, the guide told us to "feel free to roam around the field."

Me: "Are we allowed to Romo 'round the field?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudebro0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2014
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My dad wears a size 15 shoe

Every time I go to the outlet malls with him, he will walk into all of the shoe stores and roam around in the men's section until a clerk comes to talk to him. When they ask if they can help with anything, he asks "Do you have any adult sizes? All I see are children's shoes!"

And then he proceeds to laugh until he walks to the next store. I love him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dabidimas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
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What do you call a sleep walking nun?

A roaming catholic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prunedada
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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