A pack of cucumbers.
Too many animal related injuries, they were too delicat
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined itβs momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
A Roamin' Numeral.
(Apologies if it's an old joke. My daughter told me this today while doing online math class. THANKS COVID!!)
Everyone stay safe and healthy!
It's a Pride Parade.
He got upset and said something to my mom, to which she replied, "We've been roaming all day".
He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.
The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.
He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A Roaming Catholic.
My dad is out of the country with a cruise and texted me. I told him to Facebook message me so as to not waste his roaming minutes.
His response: Roming on Friday. Florencing tomorrow. Francing today."
I laughed in my cubicle and refused to explain why.
Chameleon: The humans hate me
Therapist: What makes you say that?
Chameleon: My parents and siblings roam around their houses and kids' bikes, and it's all fine by the humans, but when I visit their neighborhood, they throw objects at me
Therapist: You need to learn to adapt to change
I was telling my dad about the fireworks my friends and I lit off last night
Me: And I lit off a Roman Candle
Dad: (makes a squiggly line in the air) So did it go off and start roaming around?
Mom: ugh
Like honestly, he had the Gaul to do that? Wow
My dad used to tell me this one growing up:
>Native American child is with his father. He looks up at him and says "Dad, how did you figure out what to name us when we were born?"
>
>The dad responds "Son, it's easy: I just looked around nature and what I saw is what I named you. Your sister, Flying-Eagle, for instance, was born while an eagle flew overhead. Your brother was named Roaming-Buffalo for a similar reason. Why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Fucking?"
She's a roaming Catholic
A Roman Catholic
So the could roam Rome!
I can't stand Roaming numerals.
Roam-eo.
Is steak... medium with just a little pink inside. With a salad is nice too. And potato with butter. Mmmm... love those steaks, roaming wild on the Savannah.
Sorry. Got distracted.
So I'm trying to write an essay about the Roman Republic becoming the Roman Empire, thought it'd be funny to start off with a pun but I can't think of anything so... help?
"My phone has been on roam all week. I think that's hilarious."
He roams around the oceans and does pirate-y things, but he's most known for this one eccentricity: whenever he sees sheet music with anything over a high B, he rips it to shreds.
They call him the Tearer of the High C's
Mom- We're going to Rome, then we're going to Greece and we're going to Mount Olympus.
Me- Where are you roaming to? What are you greasing? And I don't think its safe to mount Olympus.
My friend of mine is a new dad and lives on a farm. He has some cattle that are free to roam around the yard. He calls them his "auto-moo-tic" lawn mowers.
He's gonna be a fine dad.
After finishing the tour of the majority of the Dallas Cowboys stadium, the guide told us to "feel free to roam around the field."
Me: "Are we allowed to Romo 'round the field?"
A roaming catholic
Every time I go to the outlet malls with him, he will walk into all of the shoe stores and roam around in the men's section until a clerk comes to talk to him. When they ask if they can help with anything, he asks "Do you have any adult sizes? All I see are children's shoes!"
And then he proceeds to laugh until he walks to the next store. I love him.
Wife looking at her phone: go figure, were roaming.
Me: have a little more faith honey, I know exactly where we're going.
silence
So, this happened about a month or two ago. A couple of coworkers and I were talking about the movie Gravity and somehow got to the topic of satellites and cell service in space:
Coworker: The signal you'd get for your cell phone would be awesome. I mean you'd be right there next to the satellite
Me: I don't think it'd be worth it.. The roaming charges would be ASTRONOMICAL!
Cue the groans
Me: I'm thinking about switching to T-Mobile. I've heard they let you use data, text, and talk with no fees while in Europe and Canada.
My GF: Oh? You won't be roaming?
Me: Nope! Not even when I'm in Rome!
eyes roll, grumbles galore
My dad asks me to check if an email has finally sent on his phone and I inform him that his phone is roaming. He said "Don't you think it's time that it cut that out, settled down, and started a nice phone family"
Grandpa: You have a beautiful Roman nose.
Mom: Thanks?
Grandpa: It's Roman (roaming) all over your face!
We're roaming around the mall and we pass a Kirkland's. For those of you that don't know, Kirkland's sells furniture and decorations. My friend goes, "Wait, what's that store?" I tell him that's a home-y store. He his me with, "Oh, I didn't know we were in the ghetto, we'd better get out of this area. It's not safe."
A roaming catholic.
