I recently turned down an opportunity to open a Dominos Pizza store, because I thought it was too risky.

If one store goes down, they will all go down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rx3065
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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I invested all of my money in cannabis infused beef. I know . . it’s a risky decision.

The steaks are high

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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Risky Dad Joke: My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...

So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EricTheReddit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2014
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Why is it always risky to engage in intercourse with a Scandanavian?

Only a third of them know how to Finnish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphibatron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Why is it risky to buy ribeye and sirloin directly from a cattle rancher?

Because he raises the steaks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/urbanek2525
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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Since we park on the driveway, drive on the parkway, and pay tolls on the freeway, doesn't it seem a bit risky to shop at Safeway?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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Being a vampire is risky business.....

You wooden believe the stakes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/K0pa53t1k
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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Growing marijuana and raising cattle simultaneously is pretty risky but can be very profitable

It’s a high steaks business model

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
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Why are the Irish risky gamblers?

Because they’re always Dublin’ down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarriedCoin
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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Airplane jokes are risky.

Sometimes they never take off and other times they crash and burn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
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In risky situations: Looks like we're cooking beef in hash oil...

Because the steaks are high!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmokeyDojo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2014
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I was considering investing in a Chinese distillery but decided against it.

Whiskey business.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?

He liked to drink risky on the woks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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I’m gonna go outside, so if anyone asks,

I’m outstanding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GalaxyGamer2456
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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How does the KKK brew Whiskey?

In a Cracker Barrel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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Ever noticed that every market in Africa... is a black market
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klatkasalowa5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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What do Mexicans think of Trumps new wall?

They'll get over it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schaeferwafer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
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What's more impressive than a talking dog?

a spelling bee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnnx3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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I am terrified of elevators...

So, I've started taking steps to avoid them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krystx57
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2018
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What do clouds wear under their pants?

Thunderwear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ck_special
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
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Why don't farts ever graduate high school?

Because they always end up getting expelled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abnormis_sapiens
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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I bought hammocks for the entire family

so we could all hang out together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dangdatkat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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2 Friends named Ryan and Dave were fixing up a car. They’re Country-Geeks by day, and Racers by night.

Ryan: Are you Finnished yet?

Dave: No, but you bet I’m Russian to fix it! Israelly confusing. Kenya help me out?

R: Sure.

Car makes weird sound

R: Guatemala with the car?

D: I’m Czeching it out, and it seems like something’s wrong with a piston or two. You got any ideas, because Iran out. What a Spain. Oh well, let’s put some elbow Greece and try to finish it by tonight.

R: I hope so. Damn, tonight is a Chile one.

D: Yep, and it’s definitely China distract me.

R: I’m kinda Hungary, I want Togo buy a sandwich or two.

Later

R: Oman, it’s already 9 Pm, there’s Norway that we can fix it by tonight.

D: That’s what we are Guinea find out.

R: I will Taiwan more way to speed things up, but it’s pretty risky.

D: Well, we somehow Ghana find out. 10:30 Pm

R: Ok, Tur the Key!

Car turns on

D: Yes! The Caribb is ean! Uganda be kidding me! I can’t Bolivia did it!

R: Hey, I can’t Belize it either!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnThePekka
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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We just got brand new hardwood floors and my wife wanted to slide down the hallway in her socks (true story).

Wife: I'm gonna do a Jerry McGuire down the hallway!

Me: That's "Risky Business" honey

Wife: Don't worry I'll be careful!

Me: ....ok dear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thetewj
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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Was at the barber today.

So the barber asked how I wanted my hair. I replied, Shorter would be nice. I got a good chuckle from that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshuaaww
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2016
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[REQUEST] Safety based team names

I'm looking for a team name that is based on a safety pun or play on words. Currently I have Safety Pins, Dukes of Hazard and Risky Business. This is for a workplace event so it also has to be civil.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2017
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Butt dial

It's very risky when you butt dial somebody and they pick up, because then it's your ass on the line

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sprtoad80
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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GUYS, PHILAE MADE IT TO ROSETTA! :D

It was really risky, though! They had complications during landing, but it was fine... the steaks were pretty high, though, as far as fillets go.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ARADPLAUG
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
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