How should you remove hazardous materials from your house?

Asbestos you can

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thicc_astronaut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Hazard a guess what Humpty Dumpty's favourite month is

October. Why? Because he had a great fall. πŸ˜œβœ…πŸ’―

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πŸ‘€︎ u/socdist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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In my my neighbor's home, their huge dog frequently sleeps at the landing at the top of their tall staircase causing a possible tripping hazard. Good advice to them....

Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Although at times the cops were able to catch up to that orange car on the Dukes of Hazard tv show...

...GeneralLee they weren’t fast enough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eagle4523
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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The "directional" hazard.

Being straight will never be right.

Am i right or am i right?

(sorry this was stupid.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/COMBATR07
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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Bad puns are unsafe for children because they’re a joking hazard
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryOrbitals
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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Look out for tripping hazards today.

It's the first day of Fall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quixel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
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What do you call the risk of tipping $50 instead of $5?

Tipping hazard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrDebolisher
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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Setting up a Car-Wash Station at Work when I noticed a major safety hazard...

"We need to move our bucket display, they're way too close to the ground. Someone might kick the bucket!"

My manager walked away, but I'm sure he understood my concerns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinnamonico
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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xxxTension Cord
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamees007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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Why did the safety manager insist that a big pile of LSD be removed immediately from the factory floor?

He felt it was a real tripping hazard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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What device does Mario use when he wants to communicate with the dead?

A Lou-ouija board.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Renton_Knox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2016
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β€œYou’re 1 joule per second, Harry!”

β€œI’m a Watt?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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Dadjoked a city... kinda

So in Canberra people are picking their own mushrooms; which would be fine except for the rather hazardous Death Caps that seem to be plentiful right now. A local radio station asked their listeners whether hey thought mushroom sales at stores or restaurants would go down, and what people thought of the whole issue. With a decade of experience in hospitality I thought I'd call and while waiting to go on air, the presenters joked about calling up the head 'mushroom guy' for Australia and asking their opinion.

I go on air and assure them that no restaurant worth their salt would risk their name and business by buying mushrooms that weren't from an official farm. But just before They bid me farewell I said; "I hope you do get to talk to the head mushroom person, I bet he's a real Fungi".

There was silence followed by barely audible raucous laughter from what sounded like either outside their booth or over the intercom, I'm not sure. The presenters denied me an on air groan or laugh and just pretended like I had said nothing. But someone laughed... Someone...

[Edit: Wow, unable to log in to reddit for a day and I miss getting nearly eight times more up votes than I have since joining Reddit last year. Thanks all! I knew having a 1 yr old would pay off.]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SketchGoatee
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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An ancient Babylonian general was involved in a plot to overthrow the king...

An ancient Babylonian general was involved in a plot to overthrow the king. But, the plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail.

The general managed to escape and he fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away to meet his followers. Unfortunately, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn't sure his men would find the right one. So, the fugitive general lit a small fire to signal them.

The other generals of the king's army saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and they rushed over and killed him.

The moral of the story?

The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notyourreality
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
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Important safety warning!

An ancient Babylonian general was once involved in a plot to overthrow the king. His plot included a number of followers in the upper ranks of the army. However, his plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail. The king sentenced him to death without a trial.

However, from the jail he was able to secretly contact his followers to arrange to escape, meet his followers, and attack the king's palace at night. So the night before his scheduled execution, the general managed to escape from prison. He fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away, where his followers would meet him. However, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn't sure if his cohorts would find the right ziggurat. By this time it was twilight, so he lit a small fire and sent smoke signals to indicate in which structure he was hiding.

However, the king's loyal soldiers saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and came to arrest him before he could meet his followers. He was executed later that day.

The moral of the story? WARNING: The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkBrokeMyPots
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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A horse walks into a bar

Several people leave immediately due to the hazard of a horse being in a bar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LemonLegacy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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I was laid off today.

Don't worry, it's an occupational hazard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/canadaduane
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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[REQUEST] Safety based team names

I'm looking for a team name that is based on a safety pun or play on words. Currently I have Safety Pins, Dukes of Hazard and Risky Business. This is for a workplace event so it also has to be civil.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2017
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Why wont elves drive mini mokes?

Cause mokins an elf hazard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crazylegs_Ohooley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
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What do you call a dangerous comedian?

A joke hazard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HanlonRazor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2017
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Dads should be kept away from small children.

They are a huge joking hazard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackoutBryan13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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I got my coworker really good

We came into work on a Saturday where dress is really relaxed. He was wearing a soccer jersey for a guy named Eden Hazard. Hazard plays for Chelsea and the Belgian national team.

The front of soccer jerseys typically have a company name on them for advertising. This one had Samsung.

I asked if he got the jersey free with a purchase of his Note 7.

He actually laughed at the joke.

Bonus: we're both Arabs so I told him not to go to the airport wearing it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BourbonKing
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
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Why did the prospector have to take his pickaxe out of the shaft when he was done?

It was a miner safety hazard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/celt1299
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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Dad joked my wife on Christmas Eve .

We were putting up Christmas lights outside our house and I noticed the power lead was laying across the ground in front of our front door. I told my wife we had better tape it down because it's a (dramatic pause for effect) ELF HAZARD! The groan was priceless !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mywifeh8sme
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
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