"Dad, how did you trim the hedges so straight?" Me:

With cutting hedge technology!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sobeskinator71
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
Hedge fund
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGreatChromeGod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
All this drama with hedge funds has me wondering?

Are they the same thing as my landscaping budget?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carpe__Cerevisi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
I just gave a sick burn to a load of hedges shaped into a pattern.

It was amazing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Hope this pun doesn't put you on hedge
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drnelk
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Swedish hedge say to the other Swedish hedge?

Hej

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gitrikt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to be able to trim hedges

But now I just can’t cut it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hi-Im-new-at-this
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Jimi Hedge-rix
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChiefThundercunt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Me : Can I have a shot in the hedge now?

Hedgehog : No!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaxyTax
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Everyone loves my friend Dave who trims maze hedges for a living.

A man like him is hard to find.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Trimming hedges is hard work.

You must take it sheariously.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to make a pun about hedge trimmers...

But I don't know enough about their cutting hedge technology.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zap-Brannigan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2013
🚨︎ report
Why did the hedge go to sleep?

Because it was bushed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haraldobibble
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the hedge trimmer who tried out for the baseball team?

I don't think he made the cut...

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wukeywukey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Hedge Trimming

This morning my father was trimming the hedge in the front yard as I mowed the lawns. He called me over, it sounded important.

Dad: "If I were to pay someone to practice hegemony* on this hedge, because I don't want to do it myself, where would they put the funds?" Me: "Hedge fund. Good one."

  • I don't think he actually knows what that word means.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sydonai
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2014
🚨︎ report
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...

I guess I have to keep holding it.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...

It’s my retirement hedge fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
How did bush fund his campaign?

Hedge funds

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arakashi_moku
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...

"It’s cutting hedge technology!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Hedgehogs

Why don't they just share the hedge?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
Lately I’ve been storing all my extra change in some bushes outside.

I’m starting my own hedge fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
I gave some dude the money I'd saved to to buy bushes to line my property. I'd introduce you, but

my hedge fund manager hates reddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zensunni82
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
Just enrolled on a topiary course....

Certainly a cutting hedge technology.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?

It really takes the hedge off!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Probcauz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
Just got back from Lowe’s where I picked up a cool new gadget.

Solar powered clippers attached to a drone that I can program to do most of my landscaping.

It’s real Cutting Hedge Technology.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Krusty100
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Decided to go to school to become a landscaper.

They're teaching cutting hedge technology over there

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucky5150
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm raising money for a new row of shrubs by selling stock...

Would you like a few shares of my hedge fund?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been setting aside money to buy some boxwood shrubs.

It’s my hedge fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobs_clam_rodeo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a new weed-whacker today...

It's cutting hedge technology...

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2017
🚨︎ report
A dishevelled Nunn walks into a nunnery

Mother superior confronts her and says "what on earth happened to you? You look like you've gone through a hedge backwards"

The Nunn responds "I know I've got a bad habit"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelastwilson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I created a bank account dedicated entirely to buying and maintaining bushes

I call it my hedge fund

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkippyDingleCha1k
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I think I took the wrong test.

This Briggs Stratton personality thing says I’m a hedge trimmer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whomikehidden
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Ya hear about the first guy to invent garden shears?

It was cutting-hedge technology.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mardrom_Bransle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbor just showed me his new bush shears...

It's cutting hedge technology!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you advertise a efficient shear ?

"This is cutting hedge technology".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/restlesssheep
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbor tried to wager money on whether I could jump the row of bushes between our properties...

But I don't like to hedge my bets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Hedgehogs.....

Why can't they just share the hedges?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thatjoethom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Shrubs

What do you call a savings account for obtaining more bushes?

A Hedge Fund!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedstoneRelic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
We couldn't find our checkbook to pay the gardener

So we payed him in hedge funds

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
It's an old joke that oysters are shellfish becauee they dont want to share...

But no one complains about the hedgehogs? Share the hedge, jerks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbffed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Hedgehogs

Why can't they just share the hedge?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What sort of money do need if you want to start your own landscaping business?

A hedge fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TOHSNBN
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I bought a new weed-whacker today...

It's cutting hedge technology...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a new shrub trimmer today…

It’s cutting hedge technology...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report

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