Hope this pun doesn't put you on hedge
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drnelk
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
What did the Swedish hedge say to the other Swedish hedge?

Hej

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gitrikt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
I used to be able to trim hedges

But now I just can’t cut it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hi-Im-new-at-this
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Me : Can I have a shot in the hedge now?

Hedgehog : No!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaxyTax
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Jimi Hedge-rix
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChiefThundercunt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Trimming hedges is hard work.

You must take it sheariously.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Everyone loves my friend Dave who trims maze hedges for a living.

A man like him is hard to find.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the hedge go to sleep?

Because it was bushed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haraldobibble
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I was going to make a pun about hedge trimmers...

But I don't know enough about their cutting hedge technology.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zap-Brannigan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2013
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the hedge trimmer who tried out for the baseball team?

I don't think he made the cut...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wukeywukey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Hedge Trimming

This morning my father was trimming the hedge in the front yard as I mowed the lawns. He called me over, it sounded important.

Dad: "If I were to pay someone to practice hegemony* on this hedge, because I don't want to do it myself, where would they put the funds?" Me: "Hedge fund. Good one."

  • I don't think he actually knows what that word means.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sydonai
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2014
🚨︎ report
I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...

"It’s cutting hedge technology!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tracto

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
I'm raising money for a new row of shrubs by selling stock...

Would you like a few shares of my hedge fund?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
A dishevelled Nunn walks into a nunnery

Mother superior confronts her and says "what on earth happened to you? You look like you've gone through a hedge backwards"

The Nunn responds "I know I've got a bad habit"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelastwilson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
I created a bank account dedicated entirely to buying and maintaining bushes

I call it my hedge fund

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkippyDingleCha1k
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
I think I took the wrong test.

This Briggs Stratton personality thing says I’m a hedge trimmer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whomikehidden
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
I saw a katana lying between a couple bushes today.

It was a double-hedged sword.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOrderOfARA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
My neighbor just showed me his new bush shears...

It's cutting hedge technology!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
My neighbor tried to wager money on whether I could jump the row of bushes between our properties...

But I don't like to hedge my bets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
Ya hear about the first guy to invent garden shears?

It was cutting-hedge technology.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mardrom_Bransle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you advertise a efficient shear ?

"This is cutting hedge technology".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/restlesssheep
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a new weed-whacker today...

It's cutting hedge technology...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Hedgehogs.....

Why can't they just share the hedges?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thatjoethom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Shrubs

What do you call a savings account for obtaining more bushes?

A Hedge Fund!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedstoneRelic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
We couldn't find our checkbook to pay the gardener

So we payed him in hedge funds

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Hedgehogs

Why can't they just share the hedge?

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
It's an old joke that oysters are shellfish becauee they dont want to share...

But no one complains about the hedgehogs? Share the hedge, jerks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbffed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What sort of money do need if you want to start your own landscaping business?

A hedge fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TOHSNBN
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who invests in marijuana stocks?

A HEDGE FUND MANAGER

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a subpar landscaping service operated by dogs?

Ruff Around the Hedges.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HamGlazE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
🚨︎ report
The stock trader was able to afford his new landscaping...

...after making so much money in his hedge fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbbbirdistheword
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
🚨︎ report
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.

He told me he was hedging his bets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mellowfish
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
🚨︎ report
I bought a new strimmer today

It's cutting hedge technology!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
🚨︎ report
If you chuck money into a bush...

...it's called a hedge fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVeganManatee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm saving money for new shrubs out front

I call it my hedge fund

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElLibroGrande
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2015
🚨︎ report
My friend's dad's Facebook posts are golden

*Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

*Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

*Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

*What do you call a cow who gives no milk? ...A milk dud (or an udder failure)

*There was a terrible fight reported in our local shopping center. It just so happened that a news reporter from one of our local stations was there to record the entire episode. It was an altercation between a prominent dentist and a manicurist. Their disagreement escalated to the point that they wound up fighting each other tooth and nail.

*The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.

*I recently saw a theatrical performance on puns... turned out, it was just a play on words!

*Have you ever tried watching a magician with an anger management problem? Every time he gets mad, he pulls his hare out!

*If you lose your hearing, is it ear r

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gwildcat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
🚨︎ report
dadjoked my girlfriend today

I am trying to cut down a small tree that has grown through the fence at multiple points where it has engulfed a good portion of the fence. I asked my girlfriend to ask her parents if they have a chain saw to help with the job.

Girlfriend: "They don't have a chain saw, but they have a hedge trimmer."

Me: "Hedge trimmer is not strong enough. That's just not going to CUT it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjb9pd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about that new weed-whacker?

It's cutting-hedge technology!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathWalrus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2013
🚨︎ report
Offensive Joke

-You shouldn't take offense

-You should take a hedge instead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ukulele_Henry
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
🚨︎ report
I bought a new weed-whacker today...

It's cutting hedge technology...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a new shrub trimmer today…

It’s cutting hedge technology...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Hedgehogs?

Why can't they just share the hedge?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KzooRichie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2016
🚨︎ report

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