It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Of course sir but why are you returning, is it broken?
No, it Sucks..
It kept buying things off the internet.
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!
It didn’t support cross play
It's just not cutting it for me
It's like they've fallen off the face of the earth.
I asked her to sleep on it and decide tomorrow.
Boomer rang
At the last ultrasound appointment they asked me if i had any questions
"What's your return policy?"
It's really taxing my nerves.
I looked at it and thought, ‘This isn’t for me.”
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
I don't know, but I'm tired of getting hit with these bananas!
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
It was a lovely service...
They gave me another one, free of charge.
I said "Yeah, you got 50% more of me. That's a great return on investment!"
I said, “Mark, my words!”
Poor wife has a terrible headache.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
After discovering he'd been given a parking ticket, the giant exclaimed in disappointment as he approached his house. This startled a burglar inside, causing him to flee from the property but not before trapping his stubby digit in the door, causing him to leave blood at the scene. Thankfully, the giant's powerful nasal abilities allowed him to aid police as he was able to detected the exact nationality and gender of the robber in question. When interviewed, the giant simplified the story for us by saying,
"Fee, Fie, Foe, Thumb, I smell the blood of an English Man."
It was your classic case of Squid Pro Quo.
What is the stupidest thing in the universe?
A black hole, because it's so dense!
A little bit of Background information: When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner. Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion! He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really. However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business. The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this! My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.
Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago. I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency. Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.
After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his. At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed. He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement, his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these. I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.
So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there. Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job! Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month! At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life. You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you" I never realized how freeing it
... keep reading on reddit ➡At the end of the class, his teacher returned the loaf and told him that he had gotten an A.
The student said: “Thanks, that’s just what I kneaded.”
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
I’ve always found them to be very uplifting.
I started with Danger Zone, followed by I'm All Right, Return to Pooh Corner, and Conviction of the Heart. Finally after finishing Danny's Song, they kicked me off the stage for too many failed Loggins attempts.
Dad: I’m gonna have to return all of these poles. They’re too tall.
Me: They seem fine.
Dad: No. The stakes are too high.
Dads love saying ‘that was fast’ when someone leaves but returns straight away because they forgot something.
Dads love answering the phone ‘yelllllow’.
Dads love saying ‘they don’t make things like they used to’ whenever something breaks.
Dads love teaching kids how to play 52 card pickup.
Dads love saying ‘what’s the damage’ when handed a bill for something.
Dads love saying ‘pull my finger’ and farting when you do.
Dads love saying ‘Jeez Louise!’.
Salesperson: Why? Customer: It sucks.
A Bruised Wayne
Immediately the bartender tells him to get out "We don't serve pieces of string here!"
The piece of string is a bit disappointed, but has an idea. He ruffles his top and returns to the bar.
"I told you to get out. We don't serve pieces of string here!" said the bartender
The string replies "A piece of string ?? I'm a frayed knot!"
...they claimed the 10% was a re-stocking fee.
Sherlock Holmes walks into a bar and orders an IPA. "I've earned this, I just finished my tax return," he tells the bartender. "Luckily I'm getting tons of cash back, thanks to all my brilliant deductions."
Simple, I said, the prodigal son returns...
So I let him play and he screams for hours.
They gave me another one free of charge.
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
