Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldnβt have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, βLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?β
Larry replies, βGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so Heβs fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When Iβm done, poof! The light goes off.β
βWow, thatβs incredible,β the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larryβs wife.
βBonnie,β he says, βLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because Iβm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when heβs done, poof, the light goes off?β
βOh sweet Jesusβ, exclaims Bonnie. βHeβs peeing in the refrigerator again!β
π︎ 121
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
What do you call a boomerang that wonβt come back?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
Why can't Trump come back into the white house?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
What do you call it when you throw a middle aged woman off a building and they come back to you?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
I asked my gardener not to come back
All he does is trim my wifeβs bush and leaves.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
I have a boomerang joke I canβt seem to remember it maybe it will come back to me
I do seem to remover it went over peopleβs heads
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 16 2020
The Avatar should come back to us when he gets old.
π︎ 425
π
︎ Mar 03 2020
It really comes back to hit you hard!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
A man has to poop and has no toilet paper his friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back with poop on his fingers...." Why is there poop on your fingers"
" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"
π︎ 30
π
︎ May 22 2020
Why do the dead never come back?
βCause theyβre boomers, not boomerangs!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
I got a buddy that keeps getting kicked out of bars but he always comes back
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
Some corn fell out of the grocery bag today. I told them to come back...
But it fell on deaf ears.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 27 2020
A sheepdog tells the farmer he's going to round up the sheep and comes back with 50 sheep and the farmer says "We only have 48 sheep."
The dog replies "I said I was going to round them up,"
π︎ 47
π
︎ Feb 25 2020
When the US first conceptualized the $100 bill they were thinking of putting the face of Jesus, as his ability to come back to life was greater than any wealth.
It would've been the 1 undead dollar bill
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 06 2020
What happens when Greeks come back from war?
They get a gyroβs welcome.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 27 2020
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 01 2019
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A boomer-ain't
The correct answer is a stick, but when my Grandpa told me this joke when I was 7, I said boomer-ain't. He thought this was funnier than the original joke.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Nov 21 2019
What is it called when you die and come back as a hillbilly?
π︎ 223
π
︎ May 15 2019
What's it called when a cowboy comes back to life?
π︎ 67
π
︎ May 21 2019
I tried to explain to my kids why the ball comes back down when they throw it up
But they don't understand the gravity of the situation
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 10 2019
hey come back here!
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 28 2019
If you love somebody, let them go. If they leave, they were never yours. If they come back, they were a boomerang.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
I just read a story about a man whose shirt always comes back to him no matter what he does to it
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 19 2019
Why didn't my dad come back?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 29 2019
I ordered some art prints weeks back and now I keep thinking that one day my prints will come.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 31 2019
Do you think 70's dance moves will ever come back into style?
Well...I know The Sprinkler will always come back around.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 17 2018
If Jesus comes back, how would we make sure itβs not Robot Jesus?
The shroud Of Turing test.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 24 2019
Astronomers got tired of waiting for the sun to come back up...
The decided to call it a night
π︎ 21
π
︎ Mar 08 2019
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
π︎ 47
π
︎ Jul 11 2020
How do we call a boomerang that doesnβt come back?
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 17 2020
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 21 2020
What do you call a boomerang that doesnβt come back?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 01 2020
What do you call a boomerang that doesnβt come back?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 10 2020
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
π︎ 31
π
︎ Oct 12 2019
What do you call an old person that comes back
π︎ 26
π
︎ Feb 15 2020
What do you call a boomerang that doesnt come back?
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jan 22 2020
Whenever I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments of my high school days come flooding back to me.
I shouldnβt have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
π︎ 225
π
︎ Jan 12 2019
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 16 2019
What do you call a boomerang that wonβt come back?
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jul 14 2019
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 06 2019
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 16 2019
If I die and come back a hillbilly, is that reintarnation?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Apr 28 2019
how do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 20 2019
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldnβt have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Jun 11 2019
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, βLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?β
Larry replies, βGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so Heβs fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When Iβm done, poof! The light goes off.β
βWow, thatβs incredible!β the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larryβs wife.
βBonnie...β he says. βLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because Iβm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom and when heβs done, poof, the light goes off?β
βOh sweet Jesus!" exclaims Bonnie. βHeβs peeing in the refrigerator again!β
π︎ 47
π
︎ May 18 2018
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, βLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?β
Larry replies, βGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so Heβs fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When Iβm done, poof! The light goes off.β
βWow, thatβs incredible,β the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larryβs wife.
βBonnie,β he says, βLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because Iβm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when heβs done, poof, the light goes off?β
βOh sweet Jesusβ, exclaims Bonnie. βHeβs peeing in the refrigerator again!β
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jul 13 2018
What do you call a boomerang that doesnβt come back?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 13 2019
What do you call a boomerang that doesnβt come back?
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jul 18 2018
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