I know lots of jokes about retiring
I was getting close to retiring and offered my compost business to my son.
He replied, “I refuse to work with compost! It’s so degrading!”
Condoleezza Rice is retiring from public life and is downsizing.
From now on, she will be known as Apartmentleezza Rice.
After 903 miles, my running shoes are retiring...
It’s been a good run, but their sole just isn’t in it anymore.
So I heard Dale Earnhardt Jr is retiring...
Doesn't he have people to do that for him?
My dad’s retiring from his medical practice. I asked him if he was sad he’s losing all his patients.
He replied, “I can’t wait.”
What does the Mexican swimmer say when he's retiring?
Adios les speedo
(sorry about this one, i thought about it after a 12-hour shift over a grill)
When's Trebek Retiring?
I asked my grandpa when he thought Alex Trebek was retiring from Jeopardy.
He replied "He retires every night."
Started an OnlyFans account. Pretty excited for my early retirement
What do you call a retired miner?
What do you call the Terminator when he retires?
Where do rich snakes retire?
What did the gardener do after they retired?
I retired from boxing to become a stand up comic
I had too many punchlines in my head
Locksmith friend of mine just retired, said he never once got rained out.
It seems that all of his work was in doors.
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
What did they start calling Postman Pat once he retired?
What do you call a retired actor’s knife?
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
What did the pirate say when he retired?
A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.
He's the new temp. Seems like a cool guy.
What would the terminator be called after his retirement?
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
Which country did Usain Bolt move to after his retirement?
I know a lot of jokes about retired people..
Why did the crab have to delay retirement?
What did Jessie Owens say when he retired?
Why don’t drummers come out of retirement?
Did you hear Christopher Cross retired as a musician to make time for his new business venture?
What happened when Sting retired?
He changed his name to Stung.
What are terminators called when they retire?
I lost most of my retirement to that guy from Happy Days.
It was a real Fonzi scheme.
My uncle used to work at a factory that recycled worn out whitewalls. One day, he fell into one of the processing machines...
If a drummer comes out of retirement...
If a drummer comes out of retirement, will there be repercussions?
When should an astronaut retire?
When they start spacing out
I've know alot of jokes about retired people...
They should make a political organization for older people who've left the workforce.
Call it the retirement party
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...
It’s my retirement hedge fund.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was gonna put a third set on it, but the ole bike just couldn't do the job anymore.
Which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
I know a bunch of jokes about retired people but people don’t laugh
No matter how funny I try and make them , they just don’t work
Why did the archivist retire?
Why did the retired doctor get easily upset?
Because he has no patients.
Fidelity just announced a retirement plan for Rock ‘n Rollers
It’s called the David Lee Roth.
At Bob's retirement party the Director stands up and says "I'd just like to say a word about Bob", clears his throat and then says, "plethora",
Bob turns to him and says, "thank you, that means a lot".
At my coworker's retirement party, I got up and said, "micro".
It meant very little to my retiring coworker.
Why did the turtle retire and move to the south pole?
He couldn't handle any more hare-racing adventures
What do you call a retired miner?
I know a few jokes about retired people.....
What would the Terminator be called in his retirement?
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