A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland

The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.

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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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Donald Trump is reportedly banning the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Throwawayn019283
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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Need help!

Does anyone have any good magazine/reporter puns? I'm the editor of a student magazine and we'd like a pun to put on our shirts. We can always go with the old standby "we have issues" but I'm sure someone somewhere has something funnier.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethestars
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2014
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A reporter interviewed a 103-year old woman: β€œAnd what is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked.

The woman simply replied, β€œNo peer pressure.”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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On the news there was a report of a cheese factory exploding in France.

Da brie was everywhere!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Howard
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DefNotInTheOven
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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Never trust people who sketch facial composites for police reports.

They're con artists.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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Lifeguards are sad to report the drowning of a hippie last night.

He was too far out, man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.

Unfortunately it was a Type-O.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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Teacher: Felix, when is the boiling point reached? Felix: Just after my father reads my report card.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I asked my son how he did on his school report about Canada

He said he got an "eh".

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_draw_the_comics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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My post about chain link got reported and taken down

I guess someone took a-fence

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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"Plagiarism squad reporting for duty"

"Copy that."

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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An atom called the cops to report he had an electron stolen. The cop asked, "Are you sure?"

And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.

It's been reported he could have done with another coat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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When I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, I immediately reported him to the authorities.

Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Owl to cop: β€œI’d like to report an incident..”

Cop: Giggling β€œDo you know HOO dunnit?” Owl: β€œSir, eight people were murdered” Cop: O_O

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Why did the fish have a bad report card?

because his teacher was crappe

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buddistnuddist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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I'm sorry to report that I lost both my feet to diabetes

I feel so defeeted.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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News report accidentally a pun
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Islarf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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I don't know why the beautiful attendant at Ikea reported me to the police.

All I asked was "How much for one night stand ?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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These are very important lab-reports
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_like_miniwheats
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum: I have to choose between her and my career as a news reporter.

I have some breaking news for her.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians

It was a bombshell

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MRTJ115
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
In a recent interview with David Draiman a reporter commented on his remarkable quarantine weight gain.

Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Catillionaire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger

He is reportedly in a stable condition

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Baseball reporters are such "Karens"...
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meatfrappe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds...

Eyewitness reported, he left no tern unstoned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Wanna know something about the Among Us ghost chat?

It's usually pretty dead.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRobotYoshi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the modern way to donate to the church?

Papal Paypal!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
After years of being in jail, Lance, a reporter was released from prison.

Now he's freelance

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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Police report says someone was stealing rockwool from a construction site downtown.

Turns out it was an isolated incident.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reddnvb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...

They're fairyfocals.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone with large nipples who used to be a reporter?

Pie nipple ex-press

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Childhoodcocaine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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I'M BATMAN!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The news always reports on violations of human rights

But what about their lefts?

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/charons-voyage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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TIL: 29% of people report having to use the bathroom right after drinking a cup of coffee

The other 71% that don't are full of it

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironsights
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's

I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashwynee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Hard_Feelings_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood

Turns out it was a Type-O

πŸ‘︎ 170
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather died because the report said he had type A blood

Unfortunately it was a Type-O

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingbeans312
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my career as a reporter.

I have some breaking news for her.

πŸ‘︎ 591
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because he was mugged

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SHeight06
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife wants me to choose between her and my career as a reporter.

I have some breaking news for her.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phoqkhan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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