Does anyone have any good magazine/reporter puns? I'm the editor of a student magazine and we'd like a pun to put on our shirts. We can always go with the old standby "we have issues" but I'm sure someone somewhere has something funnier.
βWell, it had its ups and downs. . .β
The celebrity chuckled and said "Quite comfortably, on my limited-edition adjustable Tempurpedic mattress."
It got mugged.
The woman simply replied, βNo peer pressure.β
Da brie was everywhere!
The FDA says to listen carefully when you open the jar because the tainted mayo neighs.
The news supports recent claims that he's trying to stack the quartz
No noose is good noose.
It mustered.
but it does give me paws.
The Swiss don't take sides.
Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
They're con artists.
There's been a report of a small group of terrorists defacing frescoes in Padua, Italy. The attackers used cable winches and box cutters defacing the priceless artworks. Conservators have called it the worst episode of Attack on Titian in living memory.
Here's the background:
Before my wife and I were dating, but after we had officially met, I saw her at my regular pool hall one night. She was wearing some "worn in" jeans with all kinds of holes in the legs. At some point during the night, I approached her.
> Me: "Did you know that your jeans have holes in them?"
> Her: (confused) "Yeah..."
> Me: "Did you know that it's very distracting?"
I then walked away and proceeded to not talk to her at all the rest of the night and just let the idea simmer.
Fast forward 2.5 years >>>
We were married and expecting our first child. When we discovered she was pregnant, I thought it'd be a good idea to get our genomes checked out by 23andme to see if we were carriers of anything.
I was reading the results out to her and started with myself. I was fascinated by how perfectly I was described by the report. Almost every physical aspect was right on the money.
I then started reading her results. And it was a perfect match... for her sister. The results didn't describe my wife at all, but they did almost 100% match her (not a twin) sister. I chuckled to myself and looked at her.
> Me: Do you know what this means?
> Her: What?
> Me: Your genes have holes in them.
I consider this my crowning achievement in both dad jokes and overall pundom. I don't think I'll ever top that one.
That it was a miner inconvenience
Guess he was the one that got a wheyβ¦
He was too far out, man.
Reports say they are shaving themselves till marriage.
No exaggeration, I see the 50 Cent joke multiple times per day. The point of this sub isn't to replicate the real-life experience of my dad telling the same joke every chance he gets, it's for telling awful, cheesy one-liners. Please put just a little more effort into your posts - it does not take that long to search the sub to see if a joke has already been told.
And, to be clear - yes, I do downvote reposts, and yes, I do report them for being reposts. I am tired of doing it over and over for the exact same joke.
The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.
One fell off and bumped his head.
Momma called the doctor, and the doctor said: "No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"
Four little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head.
Momma called the doctor, and the doctor said: "Ma'am, I am a mandatory reporter..."
Their thyme is cumin
Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.
......so one day I just packed up my stuff and right.
Picture it. June, 1971. London.
Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.
Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.
Nothing can spoil this evening.
Enter King Crimson, their bitter rivals in experimental jazz-fusion symphonic rock.
A chill hits the air, but they manage some level of civility.
Fripp even manages to put aside his seething anger at Lake for defecting to Emerson's new project and stands a round for all.
It's unclear exactly when Hawkwind arrives, but the strained emotions soon give way to genuine cheer and good will.
Lemmy, their basist at the time, could have that effect on people.
Unfortunately, he also later looks directly at Lake, points at Fripp and company and asks, "Waren't you wiv his lot?"
The police report explains that the ensuing fracas lasted for about 30 minutes at caused at least Β£4,500 (Β£56,604.93 in 2021, or $78,480.75) in damages, several broken bones and uncounted stiches.
The scrum finally calms down after Peter Gabriel, who was [throwing darts](https://darthelp.com/articles/the-history-of-darts/#:~:text=M
... keep reading on reddit β‘Poor bastard.
Doctors report his condition as stable.
He said he got an "eh".
After two weeks the angel came back and reported his findings to God. "It's not good, 95% of the population is bad and only 5% is good"
God thinks about it and decides to send a second angel just to get a different perspective. Two weeks later that angel comes back and reports the same thing. 95% bad, 5% good.
God thinks on this for a bit and decides that he has to do something. He settled on sending an email of encouragement to the 5% of the population that is good to encourage them they are on the right track and to keep up the good work.
Do you know what the email said? No? Me either, we must be part of the 95%!
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Edit: spelling
And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"
I guess someone took a-fence
Its because they are ICE-O-LATED
Their report card is 7 Cs
because his teacher was crappe
It was mugged.
It got mugged.
It got mugged.
Turns out it was a Type-O
There's been a report of a small group of terrorists defacing frescoes in Padua, Italy. The attackers used cable winches and box cutters defacing the priceless artworks. Conservators have called it the worst episode of Attack on Titian in living memory.
Because it got mugged.
Unfortunately it was a Type-O
