I have seen a lot of NSFW jokes on this sub recently. If you can't tell a joke to your kids, it's not a "dad joke" it's just a pun.
They're also pun-ishingly bad! You should be pun-alized for it!
Edit: >!I normally don't do this but let me explain the joke/post. Please notice the pun-chline below the title.!<
>!The idea behind this post was to make a pun out of the controversial topic of this sub and nothing else.!<
>!I'm the "devil's advocate" when it comes to both sides. I love both SFW and NSFW dad jokes. Also, there are many prude cultures in the world where parents don't use NSFW jokes with their kids even as an adult so it makes sense why they won't think an NSFW joke is not a dad joke. Reddit is not limited to western culture.!<
Edit 2: A lot of people have been sharing links in this post. Don't click them. They might be scammers.
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︎ Aug 25 2021
My doctor told me that I need to limit red meets. What? And then they said, and I quote, "to avoid trans fats entirely." I stormed out that door so fast
Yelling as I left, "I'll associate with WHOMEVER I want REGARDLESS of their politics, gender IDENTIFICATION, and/or ROBUSTNESS!"
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︎ Jul 23 2021
I hear Hallmark and American Greetings are teaming up to limit competition and fix prices...
I knew they'd eventually form a cardtel.
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︎ Jul 16 2021
The skyβs the limit
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︎ Apr 27 2021
The worst joke that my dad is so proud of
The oldest computer was owned by adam and eve. It was an Apple with very limited memory. Just 1 Byte and everything crashed !
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︎ Aug 18 2021
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
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︎ Apr 29 2021
At least he won't turn over in his grave.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
I went to an exotic petting zoo with Boy George. He wasn't at all impressed with their limited range of animals.
He started pointing them out to me.
"Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, chameleon."
++++++++++++++++++
I thought of this today while driving and smacked my wheel as I giggled. My girlfriend stared at me, bemused and confused.
I like it. I'm proud of myself.
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︎ Sep 19 2020
I stopped walking on coal to limit my carbon footprint
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︎ Nov 01 2020
My sister didn't get my pun
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︎ Dec 15 2020
The traffic cop issued the politician a ticketβ¦
for exceeding his spiel limit
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︎ Aug 28 2021
"How do you sleep at night knowing that you have sold out to advertisers?" the reporter asked him.
The celebrity chuckled and said "Quite comfortably, on my limited-edition adjustable Tempurpedic mattress."
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︎ Aug 02 2021
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project youβre working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!
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︎ Sep 28 2020
Explosion at Lego Factory
Damage was limited to ten square blocks.
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︎ Jun 08 2021
My cousin is obsessed with Belle Delphine (long)
Iβm worried about my cousin. Heβs 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. Heβs into girls. Ooh, thereβs cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousinβs social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, thereβs even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tomβs shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin wonβt shut up about how he bought them all. Heβs got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. Itβs really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, Iβm telling him that this isnβt healthy behavior, and Iβm encouraging him to seek counseling. Iβm convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.
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︎ Jun 01 2021
Limited release Harry Potter title
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︎ Feb 19 2018
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt mind him. He is just a product of our times.
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︎ Aug 12 2020
What do you call a lycanthrope who knows their limits?
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︎ Aug 28 2020
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
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︎ Aug 22 2020
Winnie the Poop (not a traditional dad joke)
This is not a traditional /r/dadjokes with a delivery and a punchline.
I just wanted all dad's, with kids around 2-6, to know that changing the name of Winnie the Pooh to Winnie the Poop will generate maniacal laughter from your kids. Especially if you combine it with singing the theme song from the movie.
As an added bonus, there is no statute of limitations on when you add the extra P. You can say:
Winnie the Poop
Winnie the Pooh...P
Or Winnie the Pooh...... ...... .... P
And your kids will laugh just as hard.
I've gone a full minute without saying the last P, while my kids hang on my every facial movement.
Enjoy
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Okay, seriously people, calm down. There's no need to tailgate me when I'm doing 120 mph, over twice the legal speed limit. Just pass me already.
Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.
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︎ Apr 15 2020
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
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︎ Mar 21 2020
Congress just passed legislation limiting the number of hats an individual may own.
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︎ Apr 24 2020
Officer: "Don't you know the speed limit is 65 miles per hour?"
Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
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︎ Jul 07 2019
Are short puns off limit?
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︎ Feb 13 2019
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
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︎ Sep 16 2019
Math pun.
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︎ Jun 16 2019
Did you know there is a limit of 239 beans in a can of beans?
Adding 1 more would make it 2 farty
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︎ Apr 18 2019
When I was growing up, my dad always used to tell me, βThe Skyβs the Limit!β
He was never supportive of my dreams of becoming an astronaut.
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︎ Apr 21 2019
USA's border wall is a
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Just witnessed a septic cleaning truck use the left lane for a right turn, using no signal, and then proceeded to drive 10 miles under the speed limit...
Turns out he was a shit driver..
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︎ Jul 02 2019
My calculus professor was 16 minutes late to his first class, 8 minutes late to his second, and 4 minutes late to the third.
At this rate, he will never be in class on time.
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︎ Dec 13 2018
I've invented a game where avocados appear randomly and you have to smash as many as possible within the time limit
I'm calling it Guac-a-Mole
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︎ Jan 02 2019
Youβre the worldβs greatest dad although my frame of reference is pretty limited.
Happy Fatherβs Day fellow dads!
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︎ Jun 16 2019
I didn't think my anatomy teacher would push me to the limit.
He sure showed me what I was made of.
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︎ Mar 08 2019
As a child, I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents didn't allow it.
They said the sky is the limit.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
I'm bad at math. I love it, but I know my limits.
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︎ Jun 10 2018
The oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve.
It was an apple with very limited memory, just one byte and everything crashed.
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︎ Jul 02 2021
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
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︎ Dec 18 2020
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
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︎ Feb 15 2018
My dad always used to say, "The sky's the limit!"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
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︎ Oct 18 2017
I could've been an astronaut
But my parents told me the sky's the limit
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︎ Feb 07 2021
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Edits: Thanks for all the awards!
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︎ Apr 25 2020
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