Canned tuna isn’t eligible...

...For unemployment.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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When a feline turns 13 they're 65 in cat years, so that means they are eligible for MediCare.

Or is it MediCat?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Are you required to wear a face mask and wear glasses?

You may be eligible for condensation.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bokb3o
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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I married the prince...

I went online and saw that a nigerian princess wanted to send me millions of dollars. However, I had to send $100 for handling fees on the check. However, I wanted confirmation. So I had her send me a picture. She did. Now, a princess needs a prince right? So I went online and found a picture of an eligible bachelor prince. Some guy from Jordan. I then took the two images, placed them side by side, and had some photoshopped ceremonial garb.

In otherwords, I married the prints. Of course, I took pictures of the happy event and sent them to the "princess" with the caption "I already married the prints." The scammer didn't reply unfortunately.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Which kitchen utensil does every woman want?

The most eligible spatula

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stiltonfondu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
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Got my dad and the cashier!

So we were at a certain popular buffet chain, and when my dad 54-year-old with a long white beard went up to pay, the Spanish cashier asked if he was eligible for the senior discount, for ages 65+.

He strokes his beard and says "Nope, I'm not quite there yet.

I was standing behind him waiting to go eat, and I said "Well maybe you should try talking Spanish? Then you will be a seΓ±or!"

She gave us the discount, everybody around us cracked up laughing, applause was had, and the Albert Einstein behind us gave me $100. (Seriously though, they both laughed, she gave us the $0.59 discount, and Dad tells this story every chance he gets.)

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ancel3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2015
🚨︎ report
Are you currently wearing a face mask and glasses to work?

You may be eligible for condensation.

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crackmytoes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report

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