It’s the weight and c approach I guess
I call it the heir straightener.
Not really relaxing as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out "60 Watts - Made in China".
I have back issues.
That shit is expensive.
For me it was a Naan starter.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
It was ex-rated.
I figured I'd give it a shot.
Worked like a charm, I really feel like I am in de pen dent
I said, "Brother's are good, I have one at home."
Customer replied, "yeah I have a sister at home."
So a little boy goes to the Zoo with his mom. They go to the elephant enclosure and the little boy points to the elephant and says "Mom, What's that thing hanging down?" The mom looks and says "Well honey that's his tail." The boy says "No, the other thing.." Mom replies "Well that's his trunk." The boy gets exasperated and says no the thing between the elephant's back legs." The mother get embarrassed and says " oh that...well that's nothing" A little later the boy returns with his father. He turns to his dad and asks "Hey dad, what is that big thing hanging down between the elephant's legs? Mom said it was nothing." The dad smiles and says "Well son, that's because your mom has been spoiled."
... that you brush your teeth with straight, undiluted corn syrup.
“Maybe it will but it doesn’t help with my hunger”
But my wife insists that he wrote Dyslexia
Praise the YouTube Al-Gore-Rythym
I used a discount card but I only got 20% off.
They recommend if you catch it to proceed straight to the ICU.
I was circumcised just after I was born, and I couldn’t walk for about a year.
...does that make them your Spirit Guide?
People will be lined up for blocks.
I'm quite the music history buff- always have been. My first inkling as a college student was to explore turning this into a career. So I found a music museum, wrote an impassioned essay, and somehow landed the 12-week internship.
When I got there, I met the curator, a woman named Rhonda. Like me, she had grown up enjoying music and always wanting to know more. Thanks to grants and donors' generosity, she had helped continue the museum's legacy of showcasing what might otherwise be lost to history.
The tradition of the museum had always been to let the interns work in the orchestral wing. My assignment in particular was the string section.
Now I didn't know a whole lot about the string family, but I saw some really fine specimens and decided we could perhaps tell a broader story about the progression of the instruments. And so I began studying.
After about a week of studying, I went to Rhonda and asked if we could do something different here. She was very receptive to the idea and introduced me to her assistant, Dr. Will. His PhD was in history, natch, but he still relished having everyone call him Doctor. It was funny.
Dr. Will helped me learn so much about how the family of instruments developed over time, their overall cultural footprint, etc.
Did you know a fiddle and a violin are the same thing? Did you know the viola family dates back to the 16th C.? Vivaldi wrote 25 cello concertos!
I dazzled visitors with tales of the Stradivarius, Amati and Guarneri families. I noted the increase in neck length over time. I reassured them that despite the name catgut, no cat intestines were used in the creation of these instruments—but it sure might be sheep or goat.
Sadly, 12 weeks goes by quickly when you're having fun, and I got enthusiastic letters of recommendation from Rhonda and Dr. Will, and I do miss them. Hello, you two.
I figured I could waltz (sorry) right in to more museum jobs later, but boy, was I mistaken.
I kept interviewing for the job, but after about the 10th cold shoulder, I had to find out what I was doing wrong. I had done such a good job, after all, right??????
So I fucking called the museum
got the guy who interviewed me on the line—and he wasn't thrilled to even talk to me. But I asked him, sir, why didn't I even get a call back? Weren't my qualifications good?
He said, yes, BUT.......
"...we simply can't hire someone who has exhibited a history of violins."
A little bit of Background information: When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner. Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion! He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really. However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business. The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this! My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.
Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago. I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency. Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.
After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his. At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed. He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement, his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these. I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.
So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there. Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job! Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month! At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life. You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you" I never realized how freeing it
... keep reading on reddit ➡But I tried it and it was wonderful! My cat LOVED it! And it was fun for me too!
The fur stuck to my tongue a little bit, but overall, I recommend it!
A rainbro
(Recommended soundtrack for this joke: Bob Marley: Sun is shining. You’ll see why)
But I just don't see the point
Me: As always, I recommend using your eyes.
Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.
Must be the Al gore rhythm.
- Can you hear better with the hearing aid that I recommended?
- Yes, I can. Thank you very much, doctor. I've already re-written my Will 3 times.
I bought the vest, any recommendations on a good tour I can take? So I can do my In Vest Tour
People will be lined up for blocks.
Don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day
2:30
A: inside jokes.
Send me the DEETs
I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.
Let's see what you can do!
What you need to know about the game:
- You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
- Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
- You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.
That's basically it.
I handed her the dictionary.
You have the recommended six feet between you.
Not really relaxing as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out “60 Watts - Made in China”.
