If you get hit in the face, the home treatment is to hold a raw steak against it to reduce swelling...
...it does more than meats the eye.
Best way to annoy Lady Gaga?
A new father goes to a club that helps adjust to fatherhood
Receptionist: Hello and welcome to the NDA, or New Dad Association, how may I help you today?
Dad: Can I tell other people about this?
They say eating raw meat can make you sick
Why don’t you eat raw beef?
So you don’t get cowmonella.
So the customer asks the chef if anyone orders steak raw and the waiter replied ‘yeh but that’s rare’
What do you call a Jamaican man who only eats raw fish?
Ducks love raw potatoes and will attempt to unearth them with their bill. Enthusiastically mistaking rocks for potatoes can cause damage leaving them...
Queso raw será
Whatever will brie will brie
There’s a new mirror factory in town!
I can see myself working there
What do you call an under-cooked dinosaur?
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
I started a company making airplane windows out of raw sand
Investors couldn't see the business taking off
My daughter just now... “Dad, would you rather eat a raw fish or a matter baby?”
Me: “love, what’s a matter baby?”
Her: “nothing. What’s a matter with you?”
I’m so proud.
What do you call uncooked cannibal pasta?
My boyfriend ladies and gentlemen: What do you call raw meat that's running late?
Made with RAW talent *insert laughter*
My buddy gets all the girls. I watched him work once. He approached a lady and said, "girl, you remind me of a thick, creamy beverage made from raw fruit, vegetables, and sometimes dairy products, typically pureed using a blender!"
He's such a smoothie talker.
The US grows two different species of cherry trees
Washington and Michigan grow both the sweet type, which is great for eating raw, and the sour type, which is used in pies and sauces.
But California grows only the sweet type. It's untarted cherritory.
they call Gordon Ramsey “raw and uncut,” yet these are the exact words he uses when chewing out the chefs on his show
A pod of porpoises moved into the harbor near my town. So, me and my friends decided to go camping on the beach to check it out. We brought beer for us and some raw fish to feed the pod. Everybody had a great time. You could say it was a party
for all in tents and porpoises.
I was prepping the raw turkey for Thanksgiving dinner
How do you wake Lady Gaga up?
Pa pa pa poke her face pa pa poke her face.
Why don't cannibals cook their food?
They prefer raw men.
(ramen).
"my throat is a little raw."
Eating dinner at my friend's house last night with his family. Their daughter walks in.
"Hey hon, how are you!" -Mom
"Hey! I'm okay. My throat is a little raw." -Daughter
"Well you better cook it." -Dad
I proceeded to laugh out loud while everyone else groaned a little and moved on.
I cannot eat shrimp, lobsters and clams that have been cooked by heated water vapor....
I have shellfish steamed issues.
I asked my chef friend if they ever serve steak raw...
He said yeah but it's rare.
I checked out r/rareinsults the other day
I can still remember the time I undercooked my French bread.
I hear Japanese cannibals like to eat raw men
R...ramen. Ok I'll leave :(
A good romance starts with a good friendship. A bad romance on the other hand starts with...
Ra ra ah ah ah, ro ma ro ma ma, ga ga ooh la la, want yo bad romance.
I spent weeks in the jungle with nothing to eat but raw caterpillars.
When I walked back into civilisation, there were certainly a few butterflies in my stomach.
My wife likes to make all her food with raw ingredients. She was obsessed with making dough though.
She kept telling me she kneeds it.
What did the cannibal's wife do when he came home late for dinner?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
A man in the hospital died because he ate raw fish...
When he was asked why he ate the fish, he said he did it “Just for the halibut.”
A wife came home and finds her husband sitting in front of a game of chess....
...with a raw egg propped up on the other side.
She asks: "What are you doing?"
He responds: "Well this pancake recipe says I need one beaten egg..."
"So... you decided to play it in a chess game?"
"Well yeah, but the darn egg keeps winning!"
What did the cannibal order at a restaurant?
A proud father: My son got my wife today
Today we were eating and my son ate a carrot without using the fork so my wife promptly said: "Don't eat with your fingers..." to which he answered: "I'm eating with my mouth!"
I was soooo happy and my wife had to let it slide...
(We don't speak English so I hope the joke isn't lost in the translation)
EDIT: Thanks for all the upvotes :) This was an unexpected surprise to wake up to. Very happy that it translates in to English so well. Now some clarifications:
-
Yes... the carrots were cooked, we are not psychopaths (in regards to our eating habbits)
-
My son is 10 years old and still living at home
-
We all speak English, just not our native language and not used at the dinner table
Steak jokes are a rare medium well done.
Nevermind, that was raw. Let me cook something else up.
Raw meat used to make me sick.
Why don't Japanese cannibals cook their food?
Because they prefer raw men.
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