A herd of wildebeests was ranging across Africa, destroying huts and missionaries...
When they were all killed, the newspaper headline read, "No gnus is good news!"
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︎ Dec 02 2019
My wife rang me at the pub and said, βIf youβre not home in 10 minutes, Iβm giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.β I was home in 5 minutes.
Iβd hate for anything to happen to the dog.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldnβt get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Open range
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︎ Dec 24 2020
All my jokes seem to lack in range.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
I rang my blonde g/f to tell her that I was staying home because I had bronchitis.
She said, "Awww, at least you have company. I wish I had a dinosaur."
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Mountain ranges aren't just funny...
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︎ Nov 26 2020
I once knew this guy who hated all high-range instruments.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
I went to an exotic petting zoo with Boy George. He wasn't at all impressed with their limited range of animals.
He started pointing them out to me.
"Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, chameleon."
++++++++++++++++++
I thought of this today while driving and smacked my wheel as I giggled. My girlfriend stared at me, bemused and confused.
I like it. I'm proud of myself.
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︎ Sep 19 2020
What did the non-binary prospector say when they saw the mountain range?
I bet thereβs gold in them/their hills.
(Shamelessly stolen from danimidwest on tiktok)
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︎ Oct 18 2020
I installed a new range hood for an oven
Wife: You need to knock out the vent hole.
Me: I think due to the pandemic, we should wait.
Wife: Why?
Me: The country is low on vent hole laters.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
My friend tried opening up a driving range to compete with Top Golf.
Not sure if he pulled it off but I know it took a lot of balls to do it.
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︎ Nov 13 2020
Michael BublΓ© has released a new toiletries range
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Tag-und Nacht
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Bonnie Tyler's new range of biscuits have received good reviews
They're good dunkers, but every now and then they fall apart
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︎ Oct 09 2020
These comments where from a clip where someone cleaning at a foreign range almost gets hit by a stray bullet
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︎ Sep 15 2020
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
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︎ Oct 04 2020
How can you dry a mountain range?
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︎ Sep 18 2020
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...
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︎ Aug 14 2020
The cashier chuckled when he rang up my total.
I really wish he would stop laughing at me expense.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
Why is a T-Rex not good at long range shooting?
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︎ Jul 18 2020
I can never choose what I want; they have such a rye range of bread!
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︎ Apr 24 2020
Who makes the best musical range cookers?
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︎ Aug 24 2020
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︎ Jun 09 2020
Why did the technician sing to the broken computer?
Trouble-soothing.
My son loves this one with online learning. I only had to explain to him what troubleshooting was 4 times!
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︎ Jan 15 2021
A group of German geologists recently made an interesting discovery within a mountain range of northern Italy
The team unearthed a layer of rock tessellations resembling a violin as viewed from behind.
As of yet they have no name for this strata variance.
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︎ May 12 2020
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
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︎ Jul 19 2020
I rang the council to see if I could have a skip outside my house
They said "You can do cartwheels and star jumps for all care!" And put the phone down
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︎ May 06 2020
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︎ May 13 2020
What do you call a British guy when he has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent
Tried posting in Dad jokes sub and I guess it was the wrong place for a triple pun.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
Far Cough
Had to visit a mall today. As I was standing on the escalator, someone coughed behind me. I turned around and noticed he was very near. We all know if you need to cough, you must cough far away. So I told him to FAR COUGH. And thatβs how the fight started
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︎ Nov 18 2020
I rang a miner but he was busy...
He said: can I coal you back?
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 09 2020
I asked my wife about a ballerina in a picture who looked familiar. She said it was Anna Pavlova.
I said I thought her face rang a bell.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
Why do snipers double as excellent actors?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Why do T rexes not make great long range snipers?
They are only good with small arms.
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︎ Dec 11 2019
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︎ Feb 11 2020
After a lengthy search, I finally found an apartment in my price range where I can have my corgi and my pitbull.
Thank god theres still a-corgi-bull housing out there
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︎ Dec 20 2019
I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dogs and SchrΓΆdinger's cat.
She said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
Why was the electric range crying?
It didn't have a grill friend.
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︎ Dec 21 2019
Guy single-handedly saving a stuck range rover
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︎ Aug 05 2019
The most successful business I ever had was selling free-range birds
My merchandise was flying off the shelves!
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︎ Sep 27 2019
Got myself stranded today so I rang my wife. She called me an idiot but itβs been 45 minutes and they still havenβt turned up.
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︎ May 07 2019
I got invited to the shooting range the other day.
I had to decline. Sadly, I donβt have the caliber to go.
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︎ Aug 29 2018
I went to try my new gun at the range, but couldnβt make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it wonβt work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
π︎ 10k
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︎ Jul 04 2019
Mountain ranges aren't just funny..
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︎ Jun 25 2020
I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldnβt get my gun to fire.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Apr 28 2019
Mountain ranges aren't just funny
π︎ 12
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︎ Sep 21 2019
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