Every time I grill I get raked over the coals by my family. Apparently brat jokes are the wurst.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wiseshanks
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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My blonde aunt broke her leg raking leaves.

She fell out of the tree.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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I was raking and found a hornet's nest

I couldn't bee leaf it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benjo-drums
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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What do you call a slutty farmer?

A garden hoe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/motelcoconut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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If you rake a leaf pattern, you leave a rake pattern.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luleigas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
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Now that the Fall is officially here, I can't wait to make tons of extra money gathering leaves..

.. last year I raked it in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Gardeners in autumn must be raking it in.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gojiberry852
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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I used to have a job collecting leaves

I was raking it in

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Why did the casino groundskeeper get fired?

He thought the 2.5% rake policy applied to leaves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UmphreyMcCheese
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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Raking at my place of worship gave birth to an unfunny dad joke

I was gathering the leaves from my huge pile of leaves and placing them in a garbage bag inside of a garbage can. To squeeze them down, I lifted my foot up and stomped on the leaves. One of my buddies who's like 13 says to me from the other side of the fence "All you can do is hurt leaves." I stare back at him and say "so the others know they better leave me alone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elcielo17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2014
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A couple of my favourites...

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes one them? So that when they dock, they can Scandinavian.

And then these work as a one-two punch:

I started a business building yachts from home...sails have been going through the roof.

And before that I had a business clearing the fallen leaves from people's backyards. I was raking it in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tel-aran-rhiod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Whats a bakers favourite joke

A cinnamon pun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reapsr2355
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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I had a really good job at the park sweeping leaves,

I was just raking it in!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_good_one877
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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This Fall, I got a great job cleaning leaves in my neighborhood.

I was raking it in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the news about the shovel?

It's ground breaking.

But the broom?

That really swept the nation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-da-bloos-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Breaking Bad
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WiseWeasel42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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What kind of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toad

Edit- got this off the back of a cereal box but damn love raking in this new text post juicy karma.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Driddle07
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2016
🚨︎ report
Came in from doing yardwork, sweaty and hot

Said to my father, "It's hot out there."

He said, "The sun must be out."

I said, "The son is out, trimming trees with the mom!"

Eyes rolled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomatoisaberry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the garden tools break up?

Because the rake couldnt handle that his girlfriend was a hoe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mt105
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My buddy and I used to have jobs collecting leaves.

Boy, we were raking it in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/devnodegree
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
If Drake loved to clean, what would he be called?

Rake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I found a place that lets you sell leaves for money.

I'm raking it in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBritishSnob
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I bought a leaf broom for my bakery...

... now I'm raking in the dough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLe99
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
🚨︎ report
The wife just rolled her eyes.

I was raking leaves in the backyard.

Wife: Boy there sure are a lot of leaves in the yard.

Me: I know, its unbeLEAFable!

Heh, I still think its funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FistofNorris
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my dad.

Dad: "if you're not doing anything can you rake up the leaves?.... Actually don't worry about it, I'll do it later"

Me: "so I should leaf it then?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/luklux
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Looking forward to the Fall, when I can make serious money gathering leaves..

..Raked it in last year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I miss my old job collecting leaves.

I was raking it in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to have a job collecting leaves...

I was raking it in

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reg182
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2017
🚨︎ report
I used to have a job collecting leaves.

I was raking it in.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I used to have a job that involved collecting leaves?

I was raking it in.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
🚨︎ report

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