Why doesn’t Santa have to provide health insurance for his workers?

They’re technically Elf employed

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrymmTravel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.

I really hope he eats his words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fordskis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
would provide energy for sure
πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.

I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?

Band aid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhTheComedy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A national coin shortage must provide some much needed relief for people who don’t like change.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeepinmama
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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What do you call a fortune teller that provides his services for free?

A not-for-prophet

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesabermaniac
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.

He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/srirachase
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what is used to provide vision at night at school playgrounds?

Recessed lighting!

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking about starting a company to provide Wi-Fi in public swimming areas.

I'm going to call it IP in Pools

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
He can provide you with fresh prints.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Scotland has made the decision to provide free sanitary products.

I would have predicted a trial period.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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A KING WHO PROVIDES FREE ELECTRICITY TO HIS KINGDOM...

IS AN AMPERERER

πŸ‘︎ 228
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSwastik
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Our local pet store provides quality puns.
πŸ‘︎ 330
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconPancake84
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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These guys provide custom 'pens'
πŸ‘︎ 453
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeFire
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a three legged dalmation who provides free internet.

A wireless hop-spot.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManChildMusician
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m working for a charity that provides support for elderly grapes

My job is in raisin awareness.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andi-amo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked: β€œWhat else could the management provide β€” that might have prevented you from leaving?”

I wrote β€œBirth control.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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I was going to provide my local bank with a loan

but they had 0 interest

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OverKast78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife wanted me to be there for her operation to provide "moral support"

I told her she should probably talk to a priest instead.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/perry-d-astor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Being married is like staying at a fancy hotel. My wife provides turn-down service every night.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reten
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My cell phone provider announced that they were going to provide me with unlimited data, then they texted me this...
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiacTD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you provide power to the underworld?

Soular energy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stormline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Through the darkest hours you've been there for me, working through my mistakes, and you've always been able to provide me with answers.

I love you Google

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm going to start a store that provides rapid clothing alterations

I'll call it "Tailor Swift"

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmellsLikeASteak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2015
🚨︎ report
With the birth of my first less than a month away, I have been practicing all I can at work. This season provides some extra opportunities.

I am a mail clerk at a huge office. I dropped this while delivering boxes today:

Me: (Knock Knock) Hey Karen, I've got something for you. (Hand her a box.)

Karen: OOO What is it?

Me: Its a box.

Karen: Ughh...

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THE_BIG_SITT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Weather forecast provides the perfect dad joke opportunity

I was checking the weather and the forecast for Sunday said "Potential for significant icing"

Dad: "Chocolate or vanilla?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPrezBama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad provides interesting commentary to TV show

I was watching a singing competition on TV (The Voice) with my parents and I noticed that one of the judges had bleached his hair. I turned over to my mom and asked...

Me: "Mom, why did Adam bleach his hair?" Dad: "He had a blonde moment."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alex_morena
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Chinese food never fails to provide ammo for dads.

Sitting in the Chinese Restaurant, my dad is reading the broken English menu and says:

Dad: Does this dish come out with Beethoven playing?

Me: What? Why?

Dad: Well it's under 'classical dishes'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matt7259
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking about starting a company to provide Wi-Fi in public swimming areas..

I'm going to call it IP in Pools

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guycelium
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report

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