What’s protocol #1 for the Norwegian military?

To Scandinavian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kshiau
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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Presidents Day Joke - Did you know the Secret Service has changed protocol?

Did you know when President Trump arrived in office the secret service had to change their protocol manuals. Instead of yelling β€œget down” in emergency situations, they now say β€œdonald duck!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZigZachGamer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger.

Instead of yelling "get down!", they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rubeva_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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In the future, when we've moved on to other technologies and protocols, USB will no longer be used.

Then all we will have left is the USB memory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exinferris
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
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COMMENCE EMERGENCY TOOL IDENTIFICATION PROTOCOL!

THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
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COMMENCING EMERGENCY TOOL IDENTIFICATION PROTOCOL

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
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Dads, remember NYE protocol.
  1. Wait till 11:59.
  2. Say, "See you next year!"
  3. Turn your back on person.
  4. Turn back a minute later.
  5. "Heeeeey there!"

If we stick to this, I'm sure we can have a great new year!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clothing5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
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*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…︎ May 06
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There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living...

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He made it out, but a single person died.

Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident.

He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.

When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal.

After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair.

The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened.

The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.

And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train.

Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train wit

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DCCXXVIII
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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So a frog walks into a bank

So a frog walks into a bank, and up to one of the tellers, a young woman by the name of Patricia Wakk. He says to her, he says, β€œMiss Wakk, my name is Kermit Jagger, son of Mick Jagger, and I’d like to take out a loan. I make porcelain elephants,” he says, pulling one out from his pocket, β€œand I’d like to open a store down on Main Street selling them. I just need a few thousand dollars to buy the shop. Can you help me out?”

Now, Patricia doesn’t normally deal in small business loans, so she’s unsure on the proper protocol involved, so she calls over her manager and explains the situation to him, explaining Kermit’s family ties and showing him the elephant, to which her manager replies,

β€œIt’s a knick-nack, Patty Wakk, give the frog a loan! His old man’s a rolling stone.”

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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So I met my girlfriends dad over the weekend.

As I'm packing my car with my gf's clothes and things, her dad comes to help and talks to me for a bit.

Her dad: "What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?"

Me: Having read this one a few days prior on here, I reply, "Beer nuts are a buck fifty and deer nuts are under a buck" without skipping a beat.

Her dad: "I think we just broke some sort of protocol"

We both are grinning like crazy and my gf just shakes her head and gets in the car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leviathan713
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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Apparently George Lucas got tired of retirement

These days he's working on a new Internet Protocol, specifically for delivering Chinese food.

He's calling it eWok.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkSkywalker14
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2017
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Work IT and girl brings laptop that she spilled coffee on

As protocol, we always recommend that the client turns off their laptop after a spill.

My boss walks by and says "You know, she's gonna have to put her laptop to sleep but now it won't be able to!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lumshot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2016
🚨︎ report
dj'd the lady on the phone

(...telemarketing lady asking for my info)

her: Sir, can I have your surname please?

me: Of course, but madam, can I have your madam-name first?

She goes silent for a few seconds and resumes to her protocol while in her voice, I could feel her rolling her eyes and nodding her head in disbelief.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pixelfrenzy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
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Got my entire lab group last week.

Our assignment was to swab each of our left hands and then use one of four handwashing protocols, (i.e., hand sanitizer, antibacterial soap, etc.) and come back two days later to observe the difference on Petri plates. So we come back and we're all looking at each other's plates and a girl asks me, "Can I see your hands? Where are they?" to which I responded, "They're right here at the ends of my arms!" and held up my hands. The entire group let out a sigh and rolled their eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awayshallfade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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My coworker just got dad joked...

The context here is a discussion on encryption on a data storage medium. The kid here is a new guy who is fresh from grad school. The dad here is a senior engineer who looks like middle aged Gordon Freeman with graying hair. The kid was asking questions on how to erase data securely using a particular protocol command. He wanted more information on the random number keys necessary to encrypt/decrypt the data with. It went some thing like this.

Kid: " So you have A key, right ?"

Dad with a sly smile on his face immediately checks his pocket and whips out his car keys and says " No, I have many keys "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamfromshire
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Worth the read...

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time kil

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KT11616
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time ki

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Willionnaire
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
🚨︎ report

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