Bought a home pregnancy test.

Turns out, my house is pregnant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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A Girl takes a pregnancy test, mortified, she looks her boyfriend, dead in the eyes, and says...

"Your kid in me."

πŸ‘︎ 740
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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What's an alternative name for a pregnancy test ?

Maybe Baby.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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2 blondes talking. "I had a pregnancy test today" says the first.

"Were the questions hard?" asked the second

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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I got my wife 4 pregnancy tests and they all came back positive

She’s now worried about how we are going to raise 4 kids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Gerald, a young bull elephant was using the bathroom at his girlfriend's Bethany's apartment when he noticed one of those little pregnancy test things, tucked behind the cupboard...

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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I've just done a pregnancy test!

Ooh, were the questions hard?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nihilman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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Have you ever thought about what the world would be like without noses?

Nobody nose.

Also my boyfriend came up with this and I feel like this is so good I need to go take a pregnancy test to see if he’s about to be a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CompactDisc96
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I just asked my husband, "Did you close the closet?"

He said: "Babe, there's a bunch of clothes in there already!" Is this a sign? Should I get a pregnancy test??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sophayuh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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My husband dadjoked me tonight

Husband- where's the spoon for the cantaloupe?

Me- I used it in the corn.

Husband- WTF you just corn-taminated my cantaloupe spoon. (Laughter ensues)

Me- silence and an eye roll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shlebo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2014
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My brother makes his first dad joke

This was the scenario more or less.

Sister-in-law: I just took two pregnancy tests and they both came out positive!

Brother: That's incredible!

Sister-in-law: I think we should go to a baby doctor as soon as possible.

Brother: I would feel a lot more comfortable if the doctor was an adult.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MIBPJ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2013
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Girlfriend hit her roommate with this one while she was out getting breakfast this morning.

Girlfriend woke up this morning and threw up and is cramping badly, so she took pregnancy test. I've had kids, been through this before, but it came out negative. Her roommate had been joking about my gf being preggo before she left to get breakfast, so my wonderful woman hit her with this one:

https://i.imgur.com/DCFyfQv.png

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoSaysCory
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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My ex played a dad joke on me...

She sent me a pic of a pregnancy test subtitled... Guess what?

I did not laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pizzapoppa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
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My first dad joke....

Wife (waking me up with a positive pregnancy test): ieatbabies420, according to this pregnancy test, I'm pregnant....

-long pause-

Me: Well.... what do we do now?

Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor.

Me: Hmmm... I think I'd be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ieatbabies420
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
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I make so many dad jokes

My wife keeps taking pregnancy tests.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdburke89
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2017
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Let the dad jokes begin!

My wife just took a pregnancy test that came up positive. After the initial shock she turns to me and says " well, happy Sunday."

Without missing a beat I say "or perhaps daughter day."

It has begun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drewskiseph
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2016
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We're watching our spending habits lately

"I have to buy sponges over at the dollar store."

"That's a cost we can absorb."

Guess I should have her pick up a pregnancy test, too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sevenfootwingspan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
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Got my girlfriend pretty good

So she's got her bio final tomorrow. " Allele is such a weird word", she says. Without missing a bit, I reply, "Just allele." Maybe she should take a pregnancy test...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aplus13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2014
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A Girl takes a Pregnancy Test, then looks her Boyfriend dead in the eyes and says:

Your Kid in Me

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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