Do you know how many South Americans speak Portuguese?

A Brazillion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTeddly
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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My Portuguese friend says he can't call me because...

he lusophone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sagbon98
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?

Span-ish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tersio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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From my father, an American immigrant from Portugal, so read the joke in a Portuguese Accent

"There's about to be a lot of shit happening right now"

"What happened"

"I'm going to the bathroom"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NickisHades
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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Credit: instagram.com/etheriality
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NicksterTV
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, ...

an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an I

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chainz4Dayz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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What birds are found in Portugal....

Portugeese!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCraay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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My High School chemistry teacher gave us this pun quiz
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoyaleWithMayo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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The ultimate pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chloraflora
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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What kind of geese can’t fly?

Portuguese!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nick5195
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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My friend asked my daughter, "How old is your father?"

"As old as me." she replied.

He laughed and asked, "How can that be?!"

She said, "Well, he didn't become a father until I was born."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2017
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Dad and daughter come into the restaurant I work at. He was crackin me up the whole time.

They are looking through the menu and the dad points to the falafel appetizer.

Dad: How do you pronounce that one?

Me: Falafel?

Dad: No actually I feel great! Just a little bit hungry..

Daughter: (Face palm)

.

EDIT: falafel sort of sounds like feel awful.

.

and again..

.

Dad orders his daughter a slice of cake for dessert.

Me: (to daughter) Here's your dessert. and (to the Dad) I brought you a fork in case you wanted some too.

Dad: Thanks! I love fork! (begins to pretend to eat fork)

Daughter: (absolutely mortified face of embarrassment.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riggy60
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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Dad jokes about Portugal needed

Hi! I need some dad jokes about Portugal and/or Portuguese things in English. Please share and help. Thanks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frankiesaintp
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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Notices the ladies restroom door was missing the 'W'

Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red3biggs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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What do you call a bird just outside the house?

A Portuguese

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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Dad jokes are worldwide

I'm brazilian and in Brazilian portuguese is very common to ask something from someone (mainly food) by saying "me dΓ‘ um pouco/pouquinho disso?" (which means "would you give me a little of that?")

Everytime I do that to my dad, he uses two fingers to take the tiniest possible slice of the thing and give to me in my hand or plate with the most serious face possible. If I complain he procceeds to say something like "you asked a little, didn't you?". My mom everytime laughs at that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lKauany
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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A flock of geese flew on to my back porch yesterday

I guess you could say they were Portuguese

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingkian77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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Into a fine restraunt...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Kenyan, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, a Moroccan, an Israeli, a Palestinian, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahamian, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Manxman, a Qatari, a

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ogZel
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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Every time I wanted to talk to my dad as a kid...

Me: Daddy, I have a question.

Dad: Is it in Portuguese? (We are one-language Americans)

Me: Well, no.

Dad: Then I don't want to hear it! (Hearty laughter as he walks away.)

So many unanswered questions. :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/canhazhotness
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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Need help with a pun, please

Hey guys. I need help with a pun, I've been thinking about it for a while and haven't come up with it. In Portuguese you informally say "xau" when you're saying goodbye to someone (sound's almost as the Italian "ciao"). I have a friend who always makes this funny pun when we're going our separate ways, he always says "Xau-sescu" (CeauΘ™escu - as in the Romanian dictator) and for a few months I've been looking for a nice comeback to that pun. I was looking for a way to incorporate the name of a dictator and the word "goodbye" (in any language possible), but so far I haven't been able to. Could you guys help me out? In my native language, Portuguese, I haven't come up with anything cool (my knowleadge in dictator's names is also not very vast).

Thanks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pauloliveira94
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2017
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I've peaked. I'll never say something this perfect again.

Celebrating my brother's birthday with a pizza party. Jokes were already starting about how much pizza I had eaten that night when my dad decided to change the subject and share a story about how he learned to speak Portuguese. Then I said, "I'm fluent in morepizzaplease."

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πŸ“…︎ May 15 2017
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Grammar dad joke

One of my friends went up to my Portuguese dad and asked "You're Portuguese right?" and he said: "No I'm Portugoose, there's only one of me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nabaal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2014
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Do Grandpa Jokes Count?

Note: We are Brazilian, and in Portuguese one of the ways to say "grandpa" is "vovΓ΄"

Any time in my life where we have passed by a Volvo (which sounds really similar to "vovΓ΄") my grandpa would say "Hey look it's my car" and inevitably someone would ask "what?" or "huh?" and he would go "yeah, look, Volvo's car!" and proceed to crack himself up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaggotCaterpillar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
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Some classics from my dad

Did you hear about the crosseyed teacher? He got fired because he couldn't control his pupils.

Did you hear about the doctor that got fired? He kept losing his patience(patients).

How many people in South America speak Portuguese? A brizillion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GGGargadon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
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Got dadjoked by mom

We were sitting around the table telling jokes. My wife is making fun of me for my lame jokes all the time. My wife says to me your puns are horrible. (my mom is Portuguese and English is her second language) My mom turns to my wife and asks what a pun is and my wife responds, "it's a play on words." My mom replies with, "well shouldn't it be a pow then?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewhatnowyousay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2015
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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran

An Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an I

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frase32
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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A bar joke for y'all

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungari

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zarni1410
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian....

, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an

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πŸ‘€︎ u/k0r0ze
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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An Afghan...

...an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
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