If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..
..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
I know these puns and the sub they came from deserve to be huckleburied in an unmarked grave. But please grant me Clemensy.
Please dont call us grammar nazis
We prefer the term "alt-write"
My mom, ordering at a restaurant: I’ll have the chef’s salad, please.
Dad: Honey, that’s a little rude. Just have your own.
I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
I’d like to stay for two Knights please.
First time posting here, please be lentil.
I have a picture with me standing and solar panels in the background. Please suggest something punny.
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
Yall my friends hate puns and i wanna make fun of their nicknames please help
Their nicknames are: Brat, Soap and tali
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
Waiter, I'll have the omelette please.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, ..."
"... and one for the road."
My family didn't have the appetite for my dessert puns. Please to enjoy!
Did you hear about the red-headed cookie that broke it’s leg?
Gingersnap
Did you hear about the cookie that quietly laughs at other cookies’ drawings?
Snickerdoodle
Did you hear about the dessert that got cast in the bakery’s reboot of Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom?
Shortbread
Did you hear about the friends the zombies are making in heaven?
Angel food
Did you hear about the Mushroom Kingdom princess that abdicated the throne to pursue the shoe repair trade?
Peach cobbler
Did you hear about the 49th state in the Union legalizing recreational marijuana?
Baked Alaska
Did you hear about the Bavarian teacher that filled up her blackboard every day?
German chocolate
Did you hear about the hip New York hotspots for citrus fruits?
Lemon bars
Did you hear about the mother's sister that really likes her nieces and nephews?
Fondant
Did you hear about people wagering money on a boxing match in the Arctic between a heavyweight champ and raspberries?
Sherbet
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
Please do not throw cigarette butts in the urinals
It makes them soggy and hard to light
Blood and Organ related puns please
So a colleague is leaving my work (transfusion medicine lab) to work as an information manager for the organ transplant service. I make cards and I’m trying to think up something punny to write on/in his card and I’ll paint a picture on the front for context. I was thinking like “bloody good luck” or “sorry you’re transplanting”... but less shitty!
Thanks in advance :)
Please just take my money you deserve it
My girlfriend wanted to know what I look like with my glasses on but i told her I’ve been trying to find them for three days, she said “please I need to see”
I said yeah me too that’s why I’m looking for my glasses
Please practise safe aural sex.
You don't want hearing aids.
Called my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, could you please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She answered, "Yeah..."
"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"
Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"
Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"
An ounce of quack please.
Please destroy me for this monster ive created
I was left a package this morning. On the front in big red letters it said, "PLEASE DO NOT BEND"
I thought to myself, how the f**k am I supposed to pick it up?
Batman: “Alfred, please fill up the bathtub”
Alfred: “Sir? What’s a htub ”
One Shark bucks latte please
Hey, don't go spoil Cyberpunk 2077 please.
I haven't played 1-2076 yet.
Watch your grammar please!
The double negative is a complete no no!
A ‘divine’ healer in his ‘miracle’ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."
With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"
John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"
John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."
My four year old has been learning Spanish for a year, and he still can’t say ‘please’
I think that’s poor for four
My 4 year old son has been learning spanish all year and he still can’t say the word please.
Which i think is poor for four
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"
"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"
My four year old has been learning Spanish and still can’t say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
My Spanish friends little boy still can't say please....
And I think it's poor for four.
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