Pizza place played puns perfectly
👍︎ 30
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👤︎ u/simplyaroused
📅︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I played Disturbed at the gym's playlist...

Everybody went down with the fitness

👍︎ 38
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📅︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A baseball player was shopping at the dairy while in a bad mood. He'd played in a home run derby yesterday; though he got more runs than anyone else, another player was awarded the trophy. While in line at the register, the lady in front of him was short on cash. He decided to do a good deed, so...

The bitter, better-batter bought her butter!

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/pthelynese
📅︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife played Jesus in the Easter play at church.

Some of the more traditional members were uncomfortable with her cross-dressing.

👍︎ 118
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👤︎ u/InfiniLim413
📅︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!

Then I realised I was playing the bee side.

👍︎ 295
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👤︎ u/cheifsup
📅︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
One of my friends played guitar while drunk…

Then he got in a Fender bender.

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/DENelson83
📅︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I figured out the secret chord that David played!

It's Gsus

👍︎ 35
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👤︎ u/icemage27
📅︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Came up with this one myself, one day when I noticed a squeak every time I played a certain note on my tuba.

So I decided to fix it and got a tube o' grease.

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/dis907kid
📅︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Whale played.
👍︎ 16k
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👤︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
📅︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked..

Now, it can ride a bike without stabilisers.

👍︎ 1k
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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my French date if she played video games

She said "wii"

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/avinash333bhat
📅︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is 'Careless Whisper' played in so many hot scenes?

It is a rather saxy song.

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/darthcactus2100
📅︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I recently played in a Star Wars themed cricket match.

Every time the ball was delivered the Umpire struck back.

👍︎ 90
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👤︎ u/Yeomanroach
📅︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I never played football but people used to call me Messi.

Ah! I guess, I should clean my room.

👍︎ 8
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👤︎ u/elonlawn
📅︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Played a game with friends...was not disappointed!
👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
👍︎ 1k
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👤︎ u/MetalJunkie101
📅︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The Who once played a show at the mansion of the founder of Tim Hortons

It was the last time Horton heard a Who.

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/LanceStratus
📅︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
If Father Christmas played soccer, what position would he play ?

Santa forward.

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A shout out to the guy who played the triangle with our band for the last few years...

Thanks for every ting.

👍︎ 236
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you guys remember that Chris Farley SNL sketch where he played the timid interviewer guy?

That was awesome

👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
After 12 years, I finally played World of Warcraft again & all I have to say is

WOW.

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/squarezloader
📅︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin

I told him that I had fiddled with it

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/Darhkling
📅︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years

I'm a huge pianist

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
📅︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm quite happy how this play played.
👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/regular-visitor
📅︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I played golf and it was boring.

Well that's just par for the course.

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the octopus that played football?

He had ten-tackles!

👍︎ 24
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👤︎ u/uhavethebiggay
📅︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The guy who played Wolverine on X -men was awesome

Hugh probably know him by Jackman

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/Slymood
📅︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally played dad instead of dead when encountering a bear

Now it can ride a bike without training wheels

👍︎ 101
💬︎
👤︎ u/pepenaman
📅︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What will be played at remembrance of the Internet Wars?

The last re-post

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/MadManAlfie
📅︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Iron man should be played by a woman..

Because she is a Fe Male

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/ashh640
📅︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My best mates and i played a game of hide and seek, it went on for hours

Good friends are hard to find.

👍︎ 15
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👤︎ u/puranjay1432
📅︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Played us like a fiddle
👍︎ 290
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👤︎ u/Chaotix_OzOne
📅︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I played my dad in chess yesterday.

He didn't think he would win, but he just wanted to check.

👍︎ 65
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👤︎ u/Macricecheese
📅︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
You played yourself
👍︎ 24
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👤︎ u/HasaRafael
📅︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Got played by my niece the other day

I was on the couch, visiting with family. My niece is about 2 or 3. She grabs my hand and says "Ewwwwwwwwwww"

Confused, I responded "Eww?"

And as if on cue, she looks down and spits directly into my palm, with a small piece of food for good measure.

Ah...."Eww."

Her dad sitting next to me on the ps4 looks over and asked what happened. I explained what happened and we both laughed. I'm not even mad, I'm impressed. It wouldn't surprise me if she becomes a stand up comic one day, or at least the class clown.

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/Marcofromda510
📅︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I played monopoly with my family last night and managed to capture every railroad

Everybody thought the game was a real trainwreck

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/Egreaves14
📅︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Does anyone know who played frodo in Lord of the rings?

I bet Elijah wood know.

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/nemesisprime1984
📅︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened when 40 played in a competitive game?

41

👍︎ 44
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👤︎ u/kishenoy
📅︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!

Then I realised I was playing the bee side.

👍︎ 38
💬︎
👤︎ u/ClaraLaraMeadie
📅︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Got a vinyl album the other day on wasp sounds. Played it, didn't sound anything like wasps!

Turns out I was playing the bee side

👍︎ 15
💬︎
👤︎ u/2canVANdam
📅︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I Figured out the secret chord that David played!

It's Gsus

👍︎ 73
💬︎
👤︎ u/icemage27
📅︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally played 'Dad' instead of 'Dead', when the bear attacked.

Now it can ride a bike without stabilisers.

👍︎ 7
💬︎
👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report

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