Pizza place played puns perfectly
I played Disturbed at the gym's playlist...
Everybody went down with the fitness
A baseball player was shopping at the dairy while in a bad mood. He'd played in a home run derby yesterday; though he got more runs than anyone else, another player was awarded the trophy. While in line at the register, the lady in front of him was short on cash. He decided to do a good deed, so...
The bitter, better-batter bought her butter!
My wife played Jesus in the Easter play at church.
Some of the more traditional members were uncomfortable with her cross-dressing.
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
One of my friends played guitar while drunk…
Then he got in a Fender bender.
I figured out the secret chord that David played!
Came up with this one myself, one day when I noticed a squeak every time I played a certain note on my tuba.
So I decided to fix it and got a tube o' grease.
I accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked..
Now, it can ride a bike without stabilisers.
I asked my French date if she played video games
Why is 'Careless Whisper' played in so many hot scenes?
It is a rather saxy song.
I recently played in a Star Wars themed cricket match.
Every time the ball was delivered the Umpire struck back.
I never played football but people used to call me Messi.
Ah! I guess, I should clean my room.
Played a game with friends...was not disappointed!
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
The Who once played a show at the mansion of the founder of Tim Hortons
It was the last time Horton heard a Who.
If Father Christmas played soccer, what position would he play ?
A shout out to the guy who played the triangle with our band for the last few years...
Do you guys remember that Chris Farley SNL sketch where he played the timid interviewer guy?
After 12 years, I finally played World of Warcraft again & all I have to say is
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm quite happy how this play played.
I played golf and it was boring.
Well that's just par for the course.
Did you hear about the octopus that played football?
The guy who played Wolverine on X -men was awesome
Hugh probably know him by Jackman
I accidentally played dad instead of dead when encountering a bear
Now it can ride a bike without training wheels
What will be played at remembrance of the Internet Wars?
Iron man should be played by a woman..
My best mates and i played a game of hide and seek, it went on for hours
Good friends are hard to find.
I played my dad in chess yesterday.
He didn't think he would win, but he just wanted to check.
Got played by my niece the other day
I was on the couch, visiting with family. My niece is about 2 or 3. She grabs my hand and says "Ewwwwwwwwwww"
Confused, I responded "Eww?"
And as if on cue, she looks down and spits directly into my palm, with a small piece of food for good measure.
Ah...."Eww."
Her dad sitting next to me on the ps4 looks over and asked what happened. I explained what happened and we both laughed. I'm not even mad, I'm impressed. It wouldn't surprise me if she becomes a stand up comic one day, or at least the class clown.
I played monopoly with my family last night and managed to capture every railroad
Everybody thought the game was a real trainwreck
Does anyone know who played frodo in Lord of the rings?
What happened when 40 played in a competitive game?
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
Got a vinyl album the other day on wasp sounds. Played it, didn't sound anything like wasps!
Turns out I was playing the bee side
I Figured out the secret chord that David played!
I accidentally played 'Dad' instead of 'Dead', when the bear attacked.
Now it can ride a bike without stabilisers.
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