Plastic Bags Puns

Ok masters of reddit, continue the pun.

Me: Either, I'm bisacktual.

I always forget to packet.

It's pretty plane to see why.

So i got three bags and cut the poop into turds which fixed the problem.

Doesnt matter I'm bi-sacksual

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
17. Always go straight home after work or school
18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.

I was helping my daughter pack her car today, getting ready to leave tomorrow morning. She had a set of plastic stacking drawers wedged into her car, but in getting it there, it had come apart some, so we had to take it out to tape it together better. There was a black plastic bag leaning against it, and in all the wriggling, the drawers tore a small hole in the plastic bag. After taping the drawers, I noticed a small piece of the black plastic stuck to the drawers. I took it off and tried to give it to my daughter, saying, "Here's your hole," but of course she didn't want it, so I put it (you see this coming already, don't you?) in my pocket, and said, "Now I have a hole in my pocket." Her eye-roll was hilarious.

(Does anyone else remember a similar bit from the "Yellow Submarine" movie?)

My brother: You have bags under your eyes. Me: Huh? turns to dad Do I have bags under my eyes? Dad: Paper or plastic?

Her: hey, go grab a garbage bag to clean all this stuff up.

Him: (grabs a garbage bag)

Her: no! A plastic bag to put garbage in, not an actual garbage bag!

Him: That doesn't make sense mom.

Her: I don't make sense! I make dollars!

She didn't have very many items so I asked if she needed a bag.

She said she didn't need one, that she wanted to save a few plastic trees.

In the daddest way possible, I simply chuckled and nodded as she walked away into a misty fog of humor and bliss.

She was tried out a novel way of shifting the brownies into a plastic bag by placing the glass pan in the bag, and then swiftly turning the whole thing upside down so the brownies fell out as a whole. It didn't go well at all.

Mom: "Oooohhh damn, they all broke apart."

Me from the kitchen table: "At least they can rest in pieces now."

Either one... I'm bi-sacksual.