My new neighbour asked what I did for a living, and I told her that I'm an existentialist philosopher...

Her: "So what does that mean, you just sit around thinking about being all day?"

Me: "No, some days I also think about nothing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/antastic
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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What is the philosopher's favorite element?

Plato-nium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ja1FdC
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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I guess I know what those philosophers said when they ate bread for the first time

They said "why dough?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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What did the nomad philosopher say?

I wander.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeldaChima
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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Who is the hungriest philosopher?

Nom Chompsky!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PonchoHondo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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My favorite Star Wars character is a philosopher
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamapizza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Why did the philosopher quit his job as a pilot?

He wanted to reach a different plane of existence

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxSaint_JimmyxX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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Someone asked me to name a greater philosopher than Nietzsche.

I. Kant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twilling8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher, but no one mentions his sister

Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol

πŸ‘︎ 649
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gattica97
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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What philosopher appealed to only a small, select group of people?

Friederich Niche!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CognitiveNerd1701
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!

I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshua_you-ng
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Drinking beer with a philosopher....

Makes you nothing Budweiser.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trelas_123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Which philosopher do cows love the most?

Albert Camus

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinsilprincess
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Why do marine biologists make good philosophers?

Because they spend their lives search for porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nalydpsycho
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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My favorite philosopher
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyYoda
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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Which ancient Greek Philosopher had a foot fetish?

Play-toe.

.

...or was it Sock-rates?

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?

An offer you can't understand.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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What is it called when you spend an hour in the bookstore browsing for German philosophers?

A Schopenhauer.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HudsonSlaby
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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I found a specific hobby of adding alliteration to German philosophers’ names

Glad I found my Nietzsche niche

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plumsby
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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I taught my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish β€œHarry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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What do you call a Greek philosopher who loves rice?

Arisotto

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matt_read
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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What do you call a philosopher who is unable to do anything?

Kant

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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Me, trying to sound smart: So, who is your favorite philosopher?

Her: It’s Hume.

Me: Sorry, whom is your favorite philosopher?

πŸ‘︎ 259
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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Did you hear about the incredibly average philosopher?

His name was mediocrates.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir-Juaby
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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What do you call a flirtatious philosopher?

Socratease

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironicplatypus84
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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He was the greatest philosopher of the canine community.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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What did the photocopier philosopher say?

I print, therefor I am.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_normski
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Who was the fastest philosopher?

Mach1-avelli

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shamanspiff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
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I was asked to give the first initial and last name of my favorite philosopher

But I said I Kant.

πŸ‘︎ 922
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avisser
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2017
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What is the name of the greatest philosopher to ever live?

Question Mark

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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Greek philosophers have strange names
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dagobertdoc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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How did they recover the frozen philosopher from the ice?

The process was simple; it was well thought out.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Word_art_Online
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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Philosophers have really good....

Depth perception

This is deep

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joker-here
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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What is the english philosopher’s favourite food

Hammmmm

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bro4_5_6
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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Which philosopher was the best footballer?

Soccerates

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/countermagic89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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If you're thinking of becoming a philosopher, be mindful of many things.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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It's so difficult to be a philosopher imgur.com/KC2hnE4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SalazarRED
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2017
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The philosopher of shit-talking.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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Who was the worlds youngest philosopher?

Playdough

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snoringinsomniac
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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What did the philosopher say when he fell overboard?

I sink, therefore I swam.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alaska_Engineer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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Jack Sparrow would be a great philosopher

His thoughts are very depp

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vvt2003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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You may think philosophers are more helpful than archaic forms of transportation,

but I think you're putting Decartes before the horse.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abeannis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
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Most philosophers can do anything they set their minds to

But Immanuel Kant.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bassoon_Commie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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Who was the most succint and to the point ancient Greek philosopher?

Pithagoras

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rannak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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I am teaching my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish β€œHarry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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What do you call a mean philosopher?

A kant

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3Ocelot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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